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Undefeated

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on April 2nd, 2004

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Let’s face it… when it comes to boxing movies, there’s Raging Bull, and then there’s everything else. Rocky (and the subsequent cash driven vehicles) is a great film, but not really a great film about boxing. Even Daniel Day-Lewis’ The Boxer is more about the man than the sport. It’s hard to make a great boxing film. Not only is it extremely difficult to capture the action authentically, but very few actors have the physical ability to pull off such a role.

Well, I don’t know how easily…
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Campfire Stories

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on April 1st, 2004

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Oh, where to begin? I guess I should start with the directors. That’s right, DIRECTORS. Plural. There are three of them. Apparently, the first two didn’t suck enough, so they had to bring in a third to fill out the talentless triumvirate. Any film directed by three people who are not related should make moviegoers instantly suspicious.

You know what else makes me suspicious? Any movie that stars both Meadow Soprano and Buster Poindexter. My suspicions grew when I realized that they were only in a small port…
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Kung Fu – The Complete First Season

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 30th, 2004

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JULES – “That’s what I’ve been sitting here contemplating. First, I’m gonna’ deliver this case to Marsellus. Then, basically, I’m gonna’ walk the earth.”

VINCENT – “What do you mean, walk the earth?”

JULES – “You know, like Caine in KUNG FU. Just walk from town to town, meet people, get in adventures.”

These words, spoken between John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson in Quentin Tarrantino’s amazing film Pulp Fiction, marked the first time that I ever heard of …
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100 Mile Rule

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 29th, 2004

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The 100 Mile Rule, as a corny salesman puts it, means that when you are more than 100 miles from your wife, cheating doesn’t count. It is some kind of moral loophole used by salesmen who travel frequently, allowing them to be unfaithful to their wives. While the phrase is quite original, the film is made up of parts belonging to other movies, a kind of Frankenstein if you will. Not to say that 100 Mile Rule resembles that monster, because it is actually quite enjoyable. However, you will need to get past the m…
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Devious Beings

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 29th, 2004

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Following closely on the heels of Doug Liman’s swift and engaging Go, of which director Mazzei must be a huge fan, Devious Beings follows Jackson (Andre B. Blake), Arrow (Patrick Van Horn), and Casey (Kevin Connolly), three childhood friends who push X for their supplier, Leo (Joseph Sicari). When their buyer, Tiny (Andre Rosey Brown) unexpectedly dies, they make off with the money and the product. However, dealer Damone (Robert Gossett), who was expecting to get the drugs in the deal, decides to get ev…
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High Wind in Jamaica, A

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 28th, 2004

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Often, the success of one film in theaters will bring on a wave of classics on DVD with a similar theme. In this case, the new films are Pirates of the Caribbean and Master and Commander. These modern box office successes have prompted 20th Century Fox to release some classic films about the high seas onto DVD. One such film is A High Wind in Jamaica.

There are quite a few problems with this film, but most of them lie within the narrative. The technical aspects are all handled well, wit…
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Lady Jayne – Killer

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 26th, 2004

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It’s funny how little film subgenres evolve over time. For instance, slasher flicks have become a specific part of the realm of horror films. Likewise, teen gross-out movies have evolved within the comedy genre. In the case of Lady Jayne – Killer, the subgenre is the fraternity favorite, girls with guns.

There have been quite a few films that fit into this subgenre (the wonderful La Femme Nikita and the horrid To The Limit, just to name a few), and this film follows in that same shamele…
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Brother Bear

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 22nd, 2004

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Brother Bear is the story of a boy who becomes a man by becoming a bear. Kenai (Joaquin Phoenix) is a young man set on revenge against a bear he feels is responsible for his brother’s death. Going up against the beast and winning the battle, the great Spirits who guide Kenai transform him into a bear himself. As Kenai tries to undo the spell placed on him by the spirits, he meets Koda (Jeremy Suarez) a young cub who was separated from his mother. As the story unfolds Kenai becomes more find of Koda and “adopts…
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Deadly Little Secrets

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 22nd, 2004

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Deadly Little Secrets has a secret. Shhhhhh. It’s a direct to DVD feature. So the only way you can see it is by renting it. Should you? I dunno. It’s a B movie with a B movie plot, but with pretty good technical components.

The plot starts off with a murder, and the brother (of course) has to get to the bottom of it. Craig Sheffer plays the brother, and he’s bland in a beefcake main character sort of way. There’s a really bad doctor (Dylan Walsh) who is injecting football players with letha…
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Lizzie McGuire – Star Struck (Volume 3)

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 20th, 2004

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A couple of years ago, my wife and I found ourselves watching an episode of The Lizzie McGuire Show on a lazy Saturday morning, when nothing else was on. While we are certainly not the target market, we were both pleased to find that the half-hour was genuinely entertaining. Saturday mornings are a perfect time to watch this show, as it is mildly humorous, yet still benign enough that you don’t really have to get your brain working to enjoy it. It has since become a fairly-regular part of our weekend routine.< ...
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Brotherhood III, The – Young Demons

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 19th, 2004

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The biggest compliment that I can pay to this film is that I have seen worse. The acting is bad, but not painful. The plot is sub-par, but not entirely horrible. The dialog is forced, but not filled with bad teenage slang. Yes, this is a horrible film, but I have seen worse.

Truth be told, The Brotherhood III is more like an excruciatingly long short film. The main emotion that I felt as I moved through this disc was… boredom. Huge segments of the film are simply without dialog or action of any kind….
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Looney Tunes – Back in Action

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 17th, 2004

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Back in the day, the Looney Tunes were irreverent, violent, and created with an adult audience in mind (much like South Park is today). Somewhere along the line, however, values changed, and they became standard kids faire. Now, that’s not to say that there wasn’t still plenty in there for adults to enjoy as well, but they just didn’t carry with them the same humorous social commentaries that were prevalent in the days of old.

Well, the Tunes are back! The appropriately-titled Looney Tunes – Back …
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Baby Einstein – Baby MacDonald

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 17th, 2004

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Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat… this is a title intended for viewing by small children. Very small children. As a result, all of my usual judging criteria (picture quality, sound quality, character development) are pretty much unimportant. The target audience for this title has trouble forming words, so I am willing to bet that the more subtle nuances of the narrative will be lost on them. Nevertheless, I will continue on as best as I can.

If you are still reading this, you are most likely a…
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Vampire Effect

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 16th, 2004

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Synopsis

Vampire slayer Reeve takes on a new partner in a young woman named Gypsy. As Reevetrains Gypsy in the art of killing the undead (of which there seems to be a constant plague),Reeve’s sister Helen is starting up a new relationship with Kazef, who just happens to be theFifth Prince of Vampires. Kazef is a nice enough sort, however, limiting himself to bottled blood,and genuinely in love with Helen. Unfortunately, the Duke, a European vampire, is killing offthe other royal families, g…
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Circuit 2, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 16th, 2004

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If you were one of the few of people who were waiting with bated breath for a sequel to the low-budget laugher, The Circuit, well thank your lucky stars because the day has finally come. If you sense sarcasm, you are right, because The Circuit 2 is even more of a stink-fest than the original, which is a feat in and of its self.

When we last left Dirk Longstreet (Olivier Gruner), he was recovering from infiltrating an underground fighting circuit to save his brother who had become wrapped up i…
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Frightening, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 16th, 2004

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The Frightening, as the DVD cover says, is “a new class of horror”. This play on words foreshadows the premise of the movie. There’s a “new kid” at Hallows End High School. His name is Corey (Matt Twining), and he’s having a few problems “adjusting”. Corey has a “past”. But that’s not the “real” problem of this school. Okay…I’ll stop using quotation marks. The major problem at Hallows End High School, nicknamed “Halloween High” (sorry…I couldn’t stop), is that the corpses are piling up. Someone…or som…
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Little Red

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 16th, 2004

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Film

Ah, Baltimore. The Inner Harbor, Camden Yards, Preakness, corrupt government officials, devastating crime rate, as well as a nasty STD epidemic to boot. You gotta love my hometown. But what Baltimore has in negative traits, it makes up for it with creativity. If you have caught HBO’s The Corner or The Wire, you see that Baltimore’s issues can make for captivating television. While Little Red isn’t on the level of these excellent shows, it does have a certain level of amateur charm …
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Circuit, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 16th, 2004

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Film

Remember the B-Movie kick-fests of the late 1980’s and early 1990’s? You know… the ones where plot and acting come in a distant second to the well staged fight scenes? The Circuit tries to harken back to the genre of that time, but ultimately falls flat on its face like a punch drunk boxer.

Dirk Longstreet (Olivier Gruner) is the former champion of an illegal underground fighting circuit. He has tried to put those days behind him by becoming an athletics instructor at a college…
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Cyborg 009 – Uncut & Unedited

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 13th, 2004

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Cyborg 009 (pronounced zero zero nine, not double oh nine) is a show about a group of people who are half-human and half-robot – a.k.a. cyborgs. Abducted and experimented on against their will, these cyborgs are revolting against the person who made them, the evil Black Ghost.

This show has the look of an old fashion anime program. Based on a manga strip that started in 1969, the character designs are from that era, with exaggerated facial features (most evidently big noses), sleek lines and big feet. B…
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Comic Book – The Movie

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 13th, 2004

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Following in the tradition of This Is Spinal Tap, Mark Hamill’s Comic Book: The Movie is a “mockumentary” that delves into the lives of those obsessed by comics and those that try to make money off of these people i.e. heartless Hollywood types who want to cash into the comic book craze by bastardizing a classic comic book hero into a major Hollywood blockbuster. Hosted by longtime comic geek Donald Swann (Hamill), this new ‘documentary’ shows the evolution of legendary character Commander Courage. Orig…
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Sand

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 13th, 2004

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Synopsis

Michael Vartan plays Tyler Briggs, a man who separates from his redneck family in order to leave the past behind him and start a new life for himself. Following the passing of his mother, his father tries to re-establish contact with him and tracks him to his new home, a secluded beach town where he spent time as a child. Accompanying his father are his law breaking brothers who continue their lawless ways after Tyler decides not to return to their ways. They assault his girlfriend and bruta…
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Tully

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 12th, 2004

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Film

While walking in a junkyard, a character says, “This place has a lot of treasures.” That statement could also be used to describe one of the many powerful scenes that are treasures in this film. Not that this film is anything close to a junkyard. Nominated for a few Independent Spirit Awards in major categories, Tully is a moving film that uses several wonderfully understated performances to tell its story about a troubled family.

On a Nebraska farm, patriarch Tully Coates, Sr. (Bob B…
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School of Rock

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 11th, 2004

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Jack Black has mainly played smaller bit parts in movies and the problem has always been that whenever he is on screen he steals the show. He has had a starring role in one film (Shallow Hal) but as you will quickly learn from this film they kept him on a pretty short leash. This guy is on overdrive whenever there is a camera anywhere within a hundred feet.

Jack Black is Dewey Finn the down on his luck wannabe rock god. His roommate’s new girlfriend threatens to kick Dewey out if he doesn’t come up with som…
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Miner’s Massacre

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 11th, 2004

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A miner from the Gold Rush days of ’49 comes back to life to terrorize a group of youngsters. Sound familiar? Yeah… vaguely sounds like that Scooby Doo episode with the Miner 49er. Alas… I’m not talking about Rooby Roo himself. The movie is Miner’s Massacre. And I would advise eating a whole pouch of Scooby snacks before watching this abomination.

Indeed, the movie is about an old miner that comes back to life to haunt whoever takes his “gold”. Of course, there is a gaggle of young kids re…
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Tempted

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 9th, 2004

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I’ve found a new crime genre: New Orleans noir. I’ve seen a few of these in the past month. The films seem to be about the flawed people of Louisiana (the Pelican State, by the way) and center around steamy murders and love affairs. All made with a certain bayou charm. Tempted is another movie that fits this pattern. It has all the makings of a guilty pleasure.

Tempted stars, Stroker Ace himself, Burt Reynolds as a well known New Orleans business magnate who hires a young stud employee (…
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