Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 9th, 2004
Synopsis
After a museum heist goes awry, Lorenzo Lamas works off his debt to Lance Henriksen bysigning on as part of a team for an even bigger job: stealing $250 million from a 747 in mid-flight. We follow the team of expert thieves prepare for heist, and then the big event goes down.But Lamas doesn’t trust everybody he’s working with, and he is right not to.
Remember the heist that kick-starts the action in Cliffhanger? That’s pretty muchwhat you have here, only now that job...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 9th, 2004
Synopsis
An ocean floor lab is attacked by intelligent sharks. Subsequently, sleazy oceanographer con-artist Lorenzo Lamas and partner-in-crime Simmone Jade MacKinnon (she of the extremelyshaky American accent) are forcefully recruited by the man Lamas blames for the death of hisfather. They are forced to take Lamas’ private sub down to the lab. Everything goes wrong, andin the wake of another shark attack, the survivors are picked up by a US sub commanded by alunatic. The sub is the headqu...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 9th, 2004
I’ve found a new crime genre: New Orleans noir. I’ve seen a few of these in the past month. The films seem to be about the flawed people of Louisiana (the Pelican State, by the way) and center around steamy murders and love affairs. All made with a certain bayou charm. Tempted is another movie that fits this pattern. It has all the makings of a guilty pleasure.
Tempted stars, Stroker Ace himself, Burt Reynolds as a well known New Orleans business magnate who hires a young stud employee (...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 8th, 2004
Synopsis
A rift has opened in the ocean floor beneath the Acrtic ice cap, melting the ice andthreatening to flood much of the world. (Never mind that this wouldn't happen: this is a moviewhere we see ice sink, just like in Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.) The solution,ordered by some sort of world government cabal of the G8 at the "United Nations CommandCenter" (riiiiight) is to nuke the rift. Somehow, this will make everything all better. It turns out,however, that the rift ...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 8th, 2004
Jimmy Coy is some kind of freelance operative, specializing in explosives and enforcement,for organized crime. He is ashamed of his line of work, however, and wants out. He and his twobuddies are hired but a sneering, Snidely Whiplash villain to torch an arena full of spectators.Jimmy refuses to cause any casualities, but our villain won't take no for an answer. Meanwhile,Jimmy falls in love with Cassandra, the stepdaughter of one of the head thugs. Cassandra is hersister's skating coach, which means that w...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 8th, 2004
Vampire Clan is supposedly based on a true story. The film revolves around the actions of a teenage Vampire cult in a small American town. The clan gets involved in murder and mayhem, and the movie is supposed to be all the more chilling because it’s based on real life events. Not necessarily, it still has to be scary.
Drew Fuller plays Rod, the Manson like leader of this Vampire clan. Fuller has some natural charm, but isn’t diabolic enough. Kelly Kruger is the teenage runaway Heather, and she als...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on March 8th, 2004
Angels Don’t Sleep Here is the stuff of crime melodrama: long forgotten murders, revenge, twin brothers, and corrupt public officials. It’s a mild foray into the genre. The film knows the notes but not the music; but the actors, or the instruments, (if we continue the music metaphor) really save the day.
Dana Ashbrook (from Twin Peaks) plays a forensic specialist who returns to an unnamed city to start poking around about his long lost twin brother. The trail leads to a DA (Kelly Rutherford)...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 6th, 2004
Synopsis
Sludgers is an aardvark who dreams of being attractive, and of wearing some truly finetrousers. Sludgers also has a terrific sense of rhythm and percussion. Discovered by a caterpillartalent agent, Sludgers is taken to the big city, renamed “Hamilton Mattress,” and is hired to playthe drums behind the scenes while a handsome but untalented bird mimes the gestures. WhenSludgers gets carried away with his drums and almost literally brings the house down, will hislooks stand i...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 6th, 2004
Synopsis
Michael Ironside, in his patented bastard role, is pulling the strings on a secret militaryexperiment in weather control. The test goes wrong, killing the wife of Dale Midkiff and ruiningthe career of pilot Gregor Toerzs. Four years later, an asteroid grazes Earth’s atmosphere, andtriggers a superstorm. If this hurricane isn’t shut down in a matter of hours, it will go critical andrage for centuries. Hauled back in to save the day are Midkiff and Toerzs, now flying a souped-up 747 ...
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 6th, 2004
Synopsis
M-3D purports to be a parody of MTV, which is hardly likely, given that the film, inits original form, was made in 1976. Actually Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy, this is apainful slog combining aphrodisiac lollipops with extra footage involving ancient Greek soldiersdoing sad Three Stooges routines. No, it makes no sense. No, it isn’t funny. And with obviouscuts to the sex scenes, the waste of your life is complete.
The Playmates is even more resi...
