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This is a biopic about two very obscure people whose relationship has escaped the attention of all but a select few. All kidding aside, what we have here is a dramatization of how the heir to the British throne (Nico Evers-Swindell) meets Kate Middleton (Camilla Luddington), and how their romance gradually blossoms. He arrives at university, and every blue-blooded young woman has him in her sights, but it is, naturally, the down-to-earth girl who draws him, the turning point being when she shows that she’s sexy as well as smart during a student fashion show. But the course of true love is not an easy one, especially with the pressures of the fishbowl life of royalty make themselves known.

If you’re wondering what on earth is the point of making a movie about something the entire planet has already feasted on (and is still doing so), then let me clear things up: there is no point. This is as bland a romance as was ever committed to film, hitting every tired cliché imaginable. Friends who discover they want to be more? Check. Bitchy Aristocrat Who Threatens to Steal the Heroine’s Man? Check. Third act falling out? Check. Last minute confession of love that saves everything? Check. Snore. The only tiny points of interest are the bits of unintentional comedy. So poor Ben Cross, in grotesque makeup, is stuck playing a Charles who is obviously about two feet shorter than the real thing. And do skip ahead to the final shot, where, after a montage of stock footage of African wildlife, William proposes against a hilariously fake sunset so whose colours are so supersaturated, the shot seems (but can’t possibly, can it?) to be echoing Gone with the Wind.