Sony Pictures

Tommy Lee Wallace. Not John Carpenter. Do not be fooled. Just because “Vampires: Los Muertos” (V:LM) says “Presented by John Carpenter” on the front, doesn’t mean it has anything to do with John Carpenter. It was directed, in fact, by Tommy Lee Wallace, who is a Grade B king, responsible for such other gems as “Stell Chariots” and “Danger Islands”. Whether Carpenter was involved or not (no big prize after Ghosts of Mars, anyway), V:LM was a fairly large disappointment anyway. The sound and video are fine, but the mov...e is definitely direct-to-video. Strangely enough, this is a “Destination” film, implying that it is supposed to be distinct and alternative. That it is – but it may not quite be of the caliber that destination collectors are expecting.

V:LM follows the saga of some character played by Jon Bon Jovi, who has cast off his super-stardom to become a Grade B movie star. There are no spoiler warnings forthcoming because I only last through half of the movie. In the half that I saw, a bunch of randomly timed, ill-conceived plot devices created not much drama, a few uninspired action sequences, and zero character empathy. Ok, perhaps that’s a bit harsh. The movie is not a complete loss, with a few decent Matrix-esque scenes thrown in, and the occasional creative prop, such as (Spoiler!) Jon Bon’s folding surfboard weapons. For some reason, this movie is rated R – don’t expect anything too wild.