Dare to Play the Game

Postal wins an award, 360 Avatars all gassed up and ready to go, and a brand new TV Gaming Competition Show? – Welcome to the column that got dressed an hour early but realized it has no place to go known as Dare to Play the Game.

Welcome to another edition of Dare to Play the Game. I feel like crap. Actually I’m getting better, because a day or so ago I felt like absolute crap. It’s kinda different and usually doesn’t involve vodka. I stayed home from work on Monday and spent a good portion of that time either getting rest or playing World of Warcraft with my trolly troll and working on a blacksmithing quest. Cause I soooo love blacksmithing quests *insert sarcasm flag here*. But it helps your skill, it really does. I also did the unthinkable. I pvp’ed. Yes, for many months I had openly discussed the bad taste of pvp and refused to do it. So I did it, and while I take back some of my comments that weren’t too kind, I’m still not in love with it. I took a 46 into a battleground dominated by mostly 48 and 49’s (and were much better pvp’ers than I was) and got my troll tuccus handed to me for the most part. So it was entertaining, I learned a lot about the battleground (Warsong Gulch) and will continue to play it in spurts. Just don’t expect me to join a pvp server or start talking about leeeet pvp gear. It’s not going to happen. And don’t expect me to do Arena either. That’s all I need is my tuccus handed to me and people actually notice that I don’t know what I’m doing.

Ode To Morgan Webb
















Here is a black number for our wonderful Morgan Webb. My girlfriend made an astute observation yesterday about Morgan. She really doesn’t have that whole smiley appearance. Sure she smiles, but she’s not exactly extremely happy bubbly person that you would see on a lot of other shows with a female anchor lead. That’s because folks, Morgan is real and we like it that way. The kind you meet on the street, hold her hand and then lead her into an arcade to get wasted away on quarters into Ikari Warriors & Tekken Tag Tournament. Good times, good times.

Xbox 360

Courtesy of the same leak that’s spilled everything else today, there’s a little more information to be had on the rumored introduction of Microsoft’s Avatar system. Some of the marketing material mentions that, like Miis are in stuff like Wii Sports, the Avatars will be implemented into “various arcade and retail games” as playable characters. Also mentioned are “hundreds of clothing options”, a feature which is interesting when you look at the sample pic attached to the leak (above) and – provided it’s real – see one of the characters is wearing an Incredibles shirt, suggesting that unlike Nintendo’s offering, there’ll be the option of clothing your Avatar in various licensed outfits. Maybe, and this is total conjecture, even a little Master Chief costume?

This article should read “Note: Blatant Ripoff contained inside”. I’m still trying to understand why Microsoft wants so badly to be like Nintendo with suggestions of motion sensor controllers and now mii’s, I mean avatars. Will they also copy the lack of hard drive space or perhaps in-sufficient online support? I already own a super nintendo and a nintendo. That’s enough Nintendo for me, I want an Xbox 360 to be an Xbox 360. Anyway, end of rant but customizing avatars could be cool. I mean if they come up with the ability to become Snake Plissken, complete with eyepatch and from which I can insert them into various games, I’m so there. What better to be represented in a game of Texas Hold ‘Em than with a swarmy eye patch. RRRRRRgh maties.

Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll must be on cloud nine, maybe even ten or eleven.
Running with Scissors just announced that his Postal film won not one, but two awards at the Hoboken International Film Festival. Boll took home $500 cash money for the best director award, beating out the directors of films like Crazy, Strange Girls, The Sensei and Flyboys. Oh, snap! Boll beat out D. Lee Inosanto!!!
Postal also was named the best of the festival despite showings of The Noogies, In The Eyes of a Killer, Predator’s Return and The Pack.
“When the fans speak, WE WIN,” said Vince Desi, the movies executive producer and founder of Running With Scissors. “We know this from our experience in the game industry and now the film business just confirms it. The continued success of the POSTAL franchise in all its forms is proof that democracy works; you cannot stop what’s in the hearts of the people. Freedom will always triumph over tyranny.”


The New Jersey awards fly in the face of the movies mysterious box office opening when it hit 13 screens nationwide, and put a little salve on Boll’s ego, bruised when hundreds walked from a free screening of the movie earlier this month… oh wait, that was at the same festival.

Wow, simply amazing. I don’t know what’s more sad. That Uwe Boll actually won the Hoboken film festival awards (and 2 of them as well) or that Hoboken has their own International Film Festival. This is Hoboken, NJ. How many people live in Hoboken? 2,4,8? Okay..maybe 25,000 people. (This just in, Hoboken, NJ has roughly 40,000 people). Damn it. Somebody call my facts checker and fire him. Too late, he quit because nobody knew we actually had a facts checker. *sigh*. Anyway, grats to Uwe Boll and we know that this distinction is soooo going on the dvd cover, right next to the words “Exclusively shown at select US theaters”. But may Uwe Boll spend that $500 wisely as it probably matches the box office pull to this point. Tiny fact for Hoboken, NJ (something the fact checker threw in just before he up and quit): Frank Sinatra was born there as was G Gordon Liddy (for the kids at home, he was part of the Watergate scandal). Ol’ Blue Eyes and a Republican who caused controversy…hey quick Uwe make a movie based on the DC character, the Blue Devil. Millions, I tell ya, millions.

Gameshows

G4 is about to get another dose of genuine video game focused content as it has struck a deal with the Championship Gaming Series—the only worldwide professional video gaming league, according to them—to air four 90 minute episodes of other people playing video games beginning this summer. They will, of course, be playing video games much better than you or I ever will, if that sort of thing appeals to you.
If you’re a “young male viewer” you might be “passionate” about the CGS-G4 announcement, which is just after the jump. The release doesn’t specifically mention what CGS teams will be playing, so we’ll assume it’s everything, from Counter-Strike to Dead or Alive 4 to World Of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade.


CHAMPIONSHIP GAMING SERIES BRINGS PROGRAMMING TO U.S. CABLE TELEVISION FOR FIRST TIME WITH EXCLUSIVE G4 DEAL
Combined CGS distribution will now reach more than 425 million viewers worldwide
LOS ANGELES – June 16, 2008 – Championship Gaming Series™ (CGS), the only worldwide professional video gaming league, today announced an exclusive deal with G4 Media that brings broadcast programming of the league’s competitions to United States cable television for the first time.
G4, the only destination on television for video games, web culture, and the latest must-have tech gadgets, will air four 90-minute episodes beginning July 16, including the CGS 2008 North America Finals and the CGS 2008 World Finals.
“During our first season, Championship Gaming Series established itself as the creator of the world’s most compelling and engaging television programming dedicated to professional video gaming,” said Andy Reif, Chief Executive Officer for CGS. “Although we were a brand-new sports league in 2007, we created an incredibly powerful global television platform with partners including DIRECTV, DIRECTV Latin America, BSKYB, STAR and ESPN-STAR Sports, through which nearly 50 million cumulative viewers tuned in to watch our programming worldwide during our inaugural season. For our second season, we continue to grow our audience and worldwide reach and this new deal with G4 will help fans connect to CGS via US cable television, for the first time.”
“G4’s young male viewers are passionate about video games,” said Neal Tiles, President, G4. “By bringing Championship Gaming Series to the network, we are giving our audience the rare opportunity to watch some of the world’s best gamers in action. The competition is certain to appeal to our viewers.”
CGS programming will debut July 16 on G4 with the league’s 2008 North America playoffs. The network will air four 90-minute episodes in total: the 2008 North America Final on Wed., July 16 at 9 p.m. ET/PT; 2008 World Final Quarterfinals matches on Sat., July 19 at 10 p.m. ET/PT; 2008 World Final Semifinals matches on Sat., July 26 at 10 p.m. ET/PT; and the 2008 World Final Championship Match on Saturday, August 2 at 10 p.m. ET/PT.
This announcement is the latest in a series of moves by CGS to expand its global broadcast and online audience. The G4 deal follows the league’s April 22 announcement of a groundbreaking deal with European sports broadcasting giant Eurosport to broadcast CGS matches throughout Europe and the launch of a dedicated YouTube channel for CGS on May 23.

Well this is welcome news. Mainly cause Dish Network started to be nazis and relieved their HD lineup of that Gaming channel I was so found of. They also decided to take off Kung Fu HD and Monster HD as well. I guess they really want me to cancel my subscription altogether, huh? So CGS and G4 will bring me some fun competitive episodes of kids playing games like the next coming of the olympics? Yeahie. I still am waiting for that call I requested weeks ago when I wanted G4 to recruit me to be the commentator for this series or a new video game themed gameshow. Waiting by the phone, waiting for that call! Waiting….waiting…*sigh*. I’m comedy gold, I tell ya. Anyway, here is hope that the episodes will involve games I’m actually interested in being played. Not Call of Duty or Counterstrike or Command and Conquer or actually any game that starts with a C. A lot of Team Fortress 2, Rainbow Six Vegas and World of Warcraft would be bloody awesome. That way I can sit back in my chair, with Mountain Dew, some Jack and a can of roasted nuts. Then suddenly thirty minutes in, I’ll burst out in song about the good old days and wondering when they are going to show Doom and Street Fighter 2 matchups. Then I’ll fall asleep and hopefully my girlfriend will shut off the tv and put my sorry ass to bed. We all live for these little moments.

Xbox Live Arcade – Elements of Destruction (800 MS Points) & Sea Life Safari (800 MS Points)
















A game where you get to create natural disasters. MUAHAHAHAA. HA HA HE HO HOEHE (waits until the evil laughter dies down) Yes lightning (*crackle*), tornadoes (*whistle*), earthquakes (*rumble*), and more await you as try to extract revenge on the corporation that fired your evil scientist’s tuccus. Tearing buildings apart, becoming a pyro, and creating giant thunderstorms sounds like an interesting way to play an elite meteorologist boy for a while. Naturally multiplayer is included but co-op and head to head are included. The graphics don’t look bad either. Though for causing destruction to cities, I still prefer Rampage. Anyway, here is hoping that mudslides are included as well as volcanoes. Nothing is more fun that watching cities succumb to molten lava.

Oh look, here is a game where you get to look at 60+ animated creatures. They swim around and look so freaking cute. Then you can photograph the sweet little creatures. There is just so much you can do with the photography and there are even special nighttime and daytime events for the opportunity to catch them in action. It’s so cute, I just want to…want to…eat them. Preferably with a little salt and pepper. Somebody shoot me. It’s a glorified aquarium. I think they sell those disks at Linen & Things for $4.99. They also have roasting chestnuts fireplace and night time beaches. I’m scared to see the achievements for this one. I know somebody will say, but hey it’s something a little kid can play. A little kid should be given a Wii or an old Nintendo (preferably the latter) and be brought up the proper way with Zelda, Metroid & Mario. Not this, not this.

Prepare for the frenzy of the coolest brick-breaker game ever! Wait, they are providing me with Arkanoid: Revenge of Doh!? Sweeet. Obviously this is a Breakout clone but I admit if you like these games, it does look pretty snazzy. Interactive backgrounds, bonuses, special weapons on your little paddle, and even a multiplayer mode are included. It’s by the folks @ Gameloft, so they know how to make their parlor games. The second WiiWare game is Cocoto Fishing Master. You must travel the world to find five special fishies. Only then can you save the world. There are even bosses that will drop fragments of a statue that you must collect in order to awaken the god Geo from his slumber. I’m seriously not making this up. Don’t expect realistic fishing in this one. However, you will be using the Wiimote and Nunchuk to simulate casting and reeling. With all of the realistic fishing sims out there and the cheap price for this one, this might just cast in a very lucrative younger crowd to fishing. (Haha, cast; okay yeah the pun sucked)














The classic sword fighter (not Soul Calibur) comes to Virtual Console. Swords just aren’t for bosses anymore as you could take on an assortment of characters with different weapons and fighting styles. Combos weren’t stressed as much as hard & quick strikes. Also when a successful hit connected, a flag was held to represent that the strike had been dealt. To avoid too much seriousness, there was also a guy in the background who threw bombs and chickens out to help the players. This version is also the only Samurai Showdown port to include Earthquake, a rather overpowered character with a long reach as well as the ability to use farts and burps as weapons. Naturally, he’s from Texas. Cause apparently Texans just burp and fart a lot. They’ve been hanging out with my former in-laws I guess.

Welp, interesting video game story to start off this final paragraph. Went to a Target here in Houston on Friday. I was only there for about half an hour, me and the g/f were waiting on my best friend Gary and his family for lunch. My girlfriend bought a purse and I went of course to the electronics section. They had several copies of Karaoke Revolution: American Idol Encore for 360 at a clearance price of $34.99, mic included. I picked it up and held it for about 20 minutes before putting it back down (mainly cause I couldn’t get past the American Idol thing). When I got into work on Tuesday, I brought up the music list on Wikipedia and realized I had to have it. I went to the same Target during lunch and they still had plenty of copies, but they had reduced it, to $24.99. I easily bought it and as soon as my voice gets better, I will be singing in full force. The moral for today’s story kids, is put off what you can do today, cause tomorrow it might be cheaper. Good family values I try to instill in the kiddoes. Do my part. I also played more World Series of Poker 2k8 and had more success in some of the cash games and tournaments. As with most poker games, I am starting to figure out their strategy and where to bluff and where to trap them. Sometimes I’m wrong, but I’m finding I have a strong tendency to be right. It’s a good game and has a ton of variety. It’s unfortunate that most people will stick to the XBLA Texas Hold ‘Em game. Hopefully when I venture online in WSOP, I’ll find some willing players and not dead space. Have fun kiddoes.

As Always,
Kedrix of Aldrianian
(*The Forgotten One*)