Dare to Play the Game

More GTA Blame, Xbox Install Sizes Down & the debut of Chia Obama? – Welcome to the column that needed a sidekick that was even a less funny joke than he was known as Dare to Play the Game.

So last week was kinda busy for me, I finally finished my review of the Rock Band Country Track Pack, did a couple of No Huddle reviews and barely played World of Warcraft at all. So I won’t even spend a couple of paragraphs going on about how I grinded rep with some obscure faction for no purpose at all except an achievement or a title. (Hey, I know the joke already, so tone it down already junior)

But you are probably wondering, what happened to Marvel vs Capcom 2? Weren’t you supposed to download it and give us a review by oh about now? Yeah…blame this on Capcom. I downloaded the trial to make sure I wanted it. Worst demo I’ve ever played. The only thing available was local multiplayer which basically was useless unless you like beating up a stationary figure or have somebody who has at least played the game a little bit next to you. That makes me want to spend 1200 points. Fail Capcom, absolute fail.

Apparently I’m not the only one who felt like this either, judging from some other news boards, lots of people felt like this. This game should have been a slam dunk but when you screw with people on the demo end, you get very few people who want to convert their demo into a full version. The six characters thing didn’t bother me at all, it’s supposed to be reduced. But when I can’t even play a couple of rounds against the computer or Live multiplayer, it’s dead to me. In fact, I’m now looking at Turtles in Time (more below) which should be a fine replacement for my points.

Ode To Gamer Girls



Geezus. Alright, everybody who forgot how hot Daisy was, please raise your hands. I don’t see both hands! Anyhow, Daisy has a pilates game for the Wii this week. It should be interesting, but sadly not what most of us males are hoping for. She won’t be in a swimsuit, she’ll be in some exercise gear & sweating & gyrating slowly in time to some form of music. Wait, this doesn’t sound so bad after all. So how much was a Wii again?

GTA Blame

In Utah last Sunday, young Preston Scarborough took the family sedan for a spin. Instant media sensation, of course. A Fox News anchor was bold enough to ask did teh Grand Theft Auto do it?

Someone needs to tell Hairspray that if a child was playing an M-rated game, in Utah, this kid would probably be in custody of child protective services, not going on the Today Show. But then, it’s just not as fun to blame Gran Turismo,

I could run a story like this every week. Youth does something involving a car, plane, train, weapon, hooker and GTA gets blamed for it. My personal opinion, unless a prostitute gets taken into the back of an old jalopy, the car shakes around a bit, she gets out and gets paid, and then is promptly ran over to get their money back, then Grand Theft Auto shouldn’t even be mentioned. Even then, it’s a maybe.

Here they were clearly reaching. Oh wait, his dad took away a driving game, so he took the car for a spin. That’ll show him! I’m still impressed that a seven year old could actually drive a car, even if he ended up wrecking it. I wonder if the kid was on the lookout for other female 2nd graders. They did say it was GTA after all. Why not make it even more preposterous?

The game could have been GTA, it could have been Burnout, it could have been Gran Turismo. Heck, it could have been Hot Wheels for pete’s sake. I mean seriously, if it had been Pole Position or Mario Kart, are they going to come out and say that Mario Kart should be pulled from the shelves? Probably not. Tell the anchor to grow a set and actually cover the story, not sensationalism. Geez, next story.

Wii Peripherals

Actually, for the bowling-obsessed Wii gamer, this isn’t as ridiculous as it looks. CTA Digital’s put together a bowling peripheral to provide extra realism for the seven bowling titles. No, it’s not supposed to roll.

But it’s a lead pipe lock somewhere, someone is going to throw this thing through mama’s flat panel, even with that wrist strap and the finger grips. Someone standing close to the screen could still bash it if it flew out of their hand, strap attached. Then again, if you are this serious about bowling, you’re probably good enough not to lose your grip like a dork.

This sucker is genius, I got to admit. There is a place for the Wii mote, it seems to be fairly accurate and it’s compatible with every bowling game out there. I play the heck out of Rocket Bowl on my 360, I would seriously consider this if I had a Wii. But here lies the problem…isn’t this just asking for a HD TV crack? No wrist strap in the world is going to be able to take on some kid taking out some anger on his Wii bowling. “Oh yah, well Jennifer told me no, I’ll show her” *Whack* “Oh, crap.” “Mom!”

Here is a picture of the accessory.

This week, we are also debuting our guest sidekick, Chia Obama. (Yes, he’s real, go check Amazon). Chia Obama? What do you think?

Apparently he’s pretty determined to get that 300 game and think this peripheral will help him provide hope and change to his natural curve to his right. Yes he can!

Xbox Live

Those in on the beta of the new Xbox Live Preview are reporting some significant decreases in file size of games installed directly to the hard drive.

This is a benefit mostly to those with large-size hard drives, but if you have a console with one, or have invested in an upgrade lately, it means good news in the future.

I think this is excellent news. A long time ago, I had done an article on this and what I conceived to be a minimum file size. Now apparently, there is no such thing. A good example is Raiden Fighters Aces and I’m sure games like Namco Arcade or Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection. These are small games that simply should not take up more than a gig of space. Instead due to current copying algorithms, it comes out to significantly more. Less space requirements, more games. Woohoo. My 120gb thanks you.

The bad news, how long do we have to wait for this to get released to the public? It’s in beta right now which probably means it will be another month before we even get a release date. This will be about as bad as the WoW 3.2 patch which has been rumored for a couple of months now. (Editor’s note: It came out yesterday) Why don’t you tell me these things? Okay you’re fired. (Editor’s note: But I’m a figment of your imagination, by the way your fly is down). Oh thanks, wait a minute, you tricked me. (Editor’s note: Haha, made you look) Anyway, we go back to Chia Obama and see what he thinks of this development.

Nice to see he’s is happy about it. Oh wait, he is happy about it, but he’s laughing about the above joke at the expense of me. Dang nab it Chia Obama, don’t mock me. *sigh*, maybe by next week, we’ll have things settled down around here.

Another week of the Summer of Arcade and we get a Turtles title. This was the second arcade release of the Turtles (with the first one also being on Xbox Live Arcade). Krang had stolen the Statue of Liberty with Shredder laughing in the background. So the Turtles go to downtown New York to fight the Foot Soldiers but soon find themselves in a time warp where they must fight the Shredder’s army in both the past and the future to get home. The game was pretty cutting edge but forgotten in a slew of Turtle titles out for every system imaginable. It is redone here in HD graphics and looks awesome. The important thing here is that they were going to release this at 1200 points but listened to the fans and turned the points back just a bit and released it for 800 points. Sounds great, and after the Marvel vs Capcom 2 fiasco from last week, I think I might be ready to dive in. Well played Konami, well played.

This would be one of the Mechs games where you can choose from one of eight different robots. There are many close-range and long-range weapons in six single-player tournaments. The mechs can be customized and there are multiplayer options including 2 player versus mode and a four player battle royale. The Wii Balance Board can even be used for gameplay.



Hrmmm, sadly this game isn’t as sexy as it would make it out to be. Surely, there are six lovely manga-style women with revealing assets but they make it only down to some lingerie or a swimsuit. There is an uncensored version, but that didn’t make it to the Wii. You can play them in Texas Hold-Em or Black Jack. It’s 500 points, you could do worse but you could do a whole lot better.



Now, this is more what I’m talking about. One of the finest football games to ever grace the field is here. This is actually the arcade version, not the NES version (which is already available). There are differences in the arcade version. First of all, only two teams can be picked: the Wildcats and the Bulldogs. There is also four player support (which hopefully made the port over) and the ability to break tackles. Also, the graphics were far better looking than the NES version. My recommendation, you can’t go wrong with either version. However, real purists will probably fire up the ole NES, since that’s the only way they can get the real names for the players.

PS2
Singstar Queen
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Aliens in the Attic

PSP
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Hannah Montana: Rock Out the Show

PS3
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Singstar Queen

Xbox 360
Fallout 3 DLC: Mothership Zeta
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Brave: A Warrior’s Tale

Wii
Daisy Fuentes Pilates
Real Heroes: Firefighter
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
World Championship Athletics
Aliens in the Attic
Brave: A Warrior’s Tale
Pennzoil Build n Race

DS
Aliens in the Attic
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Reversal Challenge

Yo Joe! Well, we certainly know that G.I. Joe gets the Ho award for pimping their title out to every system possible this week. I swear, I think I’m the only person who actually wants to see this movie. Everybody else thinks it will be a trainwreck and it very well might be. But those are also the same people who went to go see Transformers 2 in droves. I don’t know how this movie will go but I will enjoy myself, and that’s all that is really matters isn’t it? Don’t answer that. We also get Singstar Queen which does include Fat Bottomed Girls, but not Flash (theme song from the movie, Flash Gordon). If I had a PS3, I’d still probably snag it. (A PS2 copy is tempting). More Fallout 3 DLC this week (I really hope they have a GOTY edition by Christmas time, it’s becoming hard to keep up) and even a little Daisy Fuentes Pilates for those who don’t have enough fitness titles for their Wii. Does anybody else miss the days of Daisy when she was a swimsuit model? Just checking again, cause I sure do.

Last week, I had talked about Burns, my cat of fourteen years. Unfortunately, Burns was put to sleep last week. At first, there was talk that she could be saved. She would lose some teeth, but be mostly intact after some minor dental surgery. However, an hour after she went in so to speak, the doctor found something un-repairable. A tumor. It was in the base of her throat and was preventing her from eating among other things. It was not removable and the doctor mentioned she would probably never eat again. I made the very hard decision to end her suffering. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I had ever done, it still hurts thinking about it. We buried her in the back yard, next to Hominy our rabbit who had died about 6 months ago. The love of my life, Sarah wrapped her up in her favorite pillow and we said a few kind words. Life never really prepares you for death, but just try to do the best you can with what you got. I wasn’t perfect with Burns, especially in the beginning but I always tried to give her everything I could. I will always love her and she was a member of my family. Rest in peace, little gal, thank you for everything. See you next week kiddoes.

As Always,
Kedrix of Aldrianian
(*The Forgotten One*)