Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 13th, 2007
Penguins are "in" right now. They March and they dance with those adorably Happy Feet. So, I guess it was only a matter of time before someone decided there was money to be made by turning in a penguin farce. Unfortunately for us, that someone turned out to be Bob Saget. I admit to knowing very little about Saget outside of his family sitcom and home movies shows. This is a side of him I wish I'd never seen. This film is absolutely unfit for the kiddies. Now let me first say that I'm certainly not one of those folks that gets easily offended. I've been a South Park fan since the beginning and would never consider myself sensitive to crude humor. With that said, I must honestly say that Farce of the Penguins is the most disgusting piece of crap I've seen in some time. It would be tolerable if it were even a little bit funny. The only chuckles you'll get out of this is a handful of throw away lines. The rest is simply not at all humorous. Even Samuel L. Jackson can't save this mess with his narration. The story is simple: Carl (Saget) is a penguin who's looking for penguin love. Jimmy (Black), his best buddy, tries to convince him that the girl of his dreams is waiting for him at the end of their 70 mile trek to mate. The entire 80 minutes is spent with poor voice over during March of the Penguins style nature footage. Nothing really matches, and perhaps that's not really the point. The film drags along at an incredibly slow and awkward pace toward the breeding grounds where Carl meets Melissa (Applegate). The two hook up and a few rather raunchy complications allow this farce to continue even longer. By the time the end credits roll, pretty much every unfunny cliché has been set to penguin footage, and you've lost nearly an hour and a half of your life.
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Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 13th, 2007
The first Open Water film was one of those underdog stories that keep the filmmaking industry alive and vibrant today. I was pleased with the simplicity of it all and the emotional effect that kind of storytelling could have. The film provided hope that an Indie film shot on weekends and vacations on an almost nonexcistant budget could have something important to say. While this sequel attempts to reproduce all of these elements, it only further demonstrates how sadly they are missing. There's no small production feel to the process. The only thing small here is the script. Unlike our original couple, these swimmers are in peril not because of someone else's negligence, but due to their own stupidity. When three couples out on a yacht to celebrate one of their birthdays, they all slip into the water without first checking to be sure the ladder or a landing was put out so they can get back on. Add a baby left behind, and I still can't get too worked up about whether or not these idiots survive. The stupidity continues as each stage of further danger is only brought about by one moronic action after another. Finish it off with an ending that tries to be mysterious but only ends up being the idiot cherry on top of this idiot sundae.
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Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 8th, 2007
Season 9 was about the most exciting year South Park had. Living in Florida, I was likely more tired of the Terry Schiavo situation than most, but watching Best Friends Forever was one of the best parodies the team has come up with. What was most impressive is that it was on the air while the actual event was still ongoing. One of the benefits of doing a show like South Park. When the boys aimed their guns at Scientology they ruffled more than a few feathers. It was rumored that Tom Cruise had led a fight to attempt to stop the hilarious Trapped In The Closet episode from airing. More important to South Park fans was the outburst of Isaac Hayes who decided it was going too far to make fun of a person's sacred beliefs. Where was his indignation over eight years of piling on Christians, Jews, and pretty much every other religion ever known? Suddenly developing a conscience, Hayes vocally departed the show and South Park Elementary lost its Chef. I guess no more Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes. The Losing Edge has always been one of my favorites. Any kid forced into summer activities intended to make the parents feel better about leaving their kids alone will appreciate this one.Year 9 also found Parker and Stone finished with yet another box office bomb. This time it was Team America. The film's failure meant more full time spent on South Park. The bomb likely also sharpened their bitter wit a bit. There's no question they took no prisoners in season 9.
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Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 8th, 2007
To watch a good movie you must have the right equipment. A nice sound processor connected to kicking speakers are an absolute must. Add a 200 Watt 17 inch powered sub and you've increased the experience ten fold. Wrap it all up with a sweet DLP HD monitor and you now have everything you need - except of course a good movie. Trust The Man is everything but. All you need here is a good supply of insulin and an IV drip to keep you from lapsing into a sugar coma. I'm not talking peanut butter cup melts in your mouth sweet. I'm talking pure concentrated syrup makes you want to hurl sweet.
"A Fart is just as good as a burp". This is the kind of wit and wisdom you can expect from Trust The Man. The film didn't do very well in its very short theatrical run, and I expect it to fail just as miserably on DVD. The film is an obvious Woody Allen ripoff. The entire concept is the uneven relationship between two related couples and their various romantic problems. The problem is the film never goes anywhere. All we really know is that Rebecca (Moore) is a washed up actress who apparently doesn't find her husband Tom (Duchovny) exciting any longer. Tom is basically looking for action and talks way too much about his bodily functions. As a long time X-Files fan I love Duchovny, but this is pitiful stuff. To further complicate this drivel, we find that Rebecca's brother Tobey (Crudup) is having commitment troubles with his 7 year girlfriend Elaine (Gyllenhaal) That's all, folks. We suffer through endless moments of pure dialogue that never goes anywhere. The ending is the most contrived nonsense I've seen in some time. Basically this movie goes nowhere, and very slowly. Like a nagging toothache, this film is quite painful. Fortunately, relief won't require a visit to your dentist. My discomfort faded wonderfully with the end credits.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 23rd, 2007
An epic is defined as an artistic work that celebrates the feats of a legendary figure. The film Cleopatra actually deals with many such figures, the title character being merely one of them. The truth is the film was never really about the Egyptian queen as much as it was about Rome and its relationship with Egypt.. Of course, Elizabeth Taylor's portrayal has achieved something of a classic status that is not completely deserved. Much has been made of the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor pairing in this film. Certainly both delivered entertaining and even at times compelling performances. However, these efforts pale in comparison to the brilliance of Rex Harrison as Julius Caesar and Roddy McDowall as Octavian. Others like Martin Landau add considerable weight to often underused characters. It is doubtful much would have been made of this film at all, let alone Burton and Taylor's overrated contributions, without such help. Taylor in particular makes more use of her looks than any thespian grandeur here. Elaborate and frequent costume changes are designed to take full advantage of her more obvious attributes. She does appear a stark contrast to the unusual woman most notable in recent years for her staunch loyalty to Michael Jackson. The enormously grand cinematography also plays no small role in the film's ultimate success. This release is intended to pay homage to the Academy Awards taken by this film, which included statues for cinematography and visual effects.
Cleopatra runs over four hours and can be broken down into four distinct parts. Hour one is clearly a setup for things to come. Julius Caesar (Harrison) is close to a glorious victory over his rival Pompey Magnus in a Roman civil war. His quarry has fled to Egypt, where Caesar is in pursuit. Upon his arrival Pompey's head is presented by the boy king Ptolemy. Caesar inserts himself into Egypt's civil war in favor of the King's exiled sister, Cleopatra (Taylor). Upon his fathering a son with the Nile Queen, the hour ends with her safely back upon her throne.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 22nd, 2007
Marisa Tomei caused quite a stir in 1993 when she walked away with the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her role in My Cousin Vinny. Even after watching the film again, I guess I'm still a bit amazed. Now that's not to say she doesn't do a wonderful job here. The fact is the entire cast did a splendid job. I can't say I found her performance any better than Joe Pesci as Vinny "Sack Of Potatoes" Gambini or the wonderful portrayal of the judge by Fred Gwynne. While it's not my intention to open up an old can of worms, it is that award which brings us to the re-issue DVD of My Cousin Vinny. To help celebrate this next round of Academy Awards and to line the old pockets with a little more gold dust, Fox is releasing some films that have taken those statues in the past. Unfortunately Fox did not see fit to add anything or even shine the print up in any way. This disc is identical to the 2000 release in every way. The video and audio transfers are exactly the same as is the commentary and small list of extras.
The story is nothing more than an elaborate setup for Pesci to do his thing. Billy, played by the old Karate Kid Ralph Macchio, is driving through backwoods Alabama with his buddy Stan (Whitfield). They accidentally steal a can of tuna from a small store. When the cops chase them down and cart them off to jail, they consider the threats of execution a bit harsh for shoplifting. That is, until they discover the clerk was killed shortly after they left, and now they're charged with his murder. Short on cash, they call in Billy's cousin Vinny who has finally after 6 years passed the New York Bar Exam. Vinny's in over his head, and his New York Italian attitude doesn't earn him any points with the down home justice ideology of Judge Haller. Desperately outclassed, Vinny must resort to street smarts to save the boys. The case turns on the testimony of automobile expert girlfriend Lisa (Tomei). The truth is, there are several rolling in the aisles funny moments here. Stan's seen too many prison films, so when he first meets Vinny he fears the man is there to have his way with him. In a play on words conversation that would make Abbott and Costello proud, this 20 second joke plays out for a few minutes of gut busting hilarity. Pesci's interplay with Gwynne is also classic, and while always predictable, it is nonetheless very funny.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 21st, 2007
There were a lot of changes in store for the Bunkers in the sixth season. The Jeffersons, long a source of irritation for Archie and a ton of laughs for us, were moving on up to the East Side and that big de-lux apartment in the sky. Mike and Gloria finally move out of the house, but only as far as next door in the vacated Jefferson home. Most importantly, little baby Joey joins the family. For the 30 years since All In The Family, there is still speculation as to just how Carroll O' Connor was able to take such a bigoted, seemingly irredeemable character and make him loved by millions. We get perhaps the best insight into that mystery in year 6. In the now famous Joey's Baptism episode, we see just a glimpse of the Archie Bunker that O'Connor had been playing all along. Arguably the best episode of the series finds Archie worried about his grandson's soul when Mike and Gloria refuse to have the child baptized. Archie takes matters into his own hands, culminating in one of the most touching moments in television history. Archie Bunker is a complicated man, and nowhere has that been more evident. Season 6 is well worth your time. This was the peak of the show, and it would never again regain the ratings numbers enjoyed at this point.
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Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 16th, 2007
Las Vegas made its most significant changes in the third season. The full time addition of Lara Flynn Boyle as the new rich owner of the Montecito made the show somewhat lighter overall. It was probably a good idea to shake things up a bit. The cast chemistry on this show is quite good but was perhaps settling in a bit too much after two years. Boyle's Monica was a perfect foil for James Caan's Ed. Caan was able to stretch his acting muscles a lot more in this season. The overall idea hasn't really changed: The Montecito Hotel and Casino is the setting for action and play. Former CIA operative Ed Deline (Caan) and his CIA buddy Danny McCoy (Duhamel) run one of the world's most sophisticated surveillance systems. With the help of a very young and attractive staff, the crew encounters everything from cheaters to mob hit men.
Once again the package promises Uncut and Uncensored. All that really means is literally a few seconds tacked on to an episode here and there. Those few seconds are more often than not a little quick nudity shot that adds absolutely nothing to the stories. It's a shame, really, that Las Vegas seems to need such a sexy element. The ensemble cast makes this a quality show without the extra trappings. This season features some new classic moments. Monica's exit is, unfortunately, a jump the shark moment for Las Vegas. The season begins a bit slowly as Ed tries to assemble the old crew. Once the band is back together, everything starts firing on all cylinders once again. Another Crossing Jordan crossover episode includes Jill Hennessey and Jerry O'Connell. A very nice change-up is the "Everything is New" episode. All the characters fantasize about what it was like working Vegas during the 60's. The entire episode takes on a Raymond Chandler look and feel as the actors step into the shoes of their counterparts working a hotel that once stood where the Montecito now towers over the Vegas skyline. This was a brilliant change of pace. If you like the show, the third season will give you a lot more of what you come to the Montecito for. This is not a good season to begin with, however. The storylines have a bit more of an overall arc to them, unlike the two previous years.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 12th, 2007
The Holy Bible has been the source for many incredible epics. One might argue that the Book itself is the first epic. From De Mille's Ten Commandments to Gibson's recent Passion of the Christ we have been enthralled by tales of faith and the divine since the very birth of the cinema. One Night With The King has all the essential elements to take its place with these classics. The cast includes some of the greatest actors alive in Omar Sharif, Peter O'Toole, and John Rys-Davies. The settings are some of the most beautiful desert lands on earth. Sadly, One Night With The King stands very small in the midst of such brilliance. The film means well, certainly. The story of Esther is not one that has been told on any scale before and is very much worthy of the effort. There appears to be an overwhelming lack of spirit throughout the overlong film. The film always feels staged and the dialogue often too modern sounding to create the necessary illusion. Sharif must have suffered immeasurably opposite a rather forced and dull Luke Goss. Unfortunately a great amount of talent and effort appears wasted on this sub-par film.The supporting cast is simply horrible. There is no dialog discipline at all. Phrases constantly move from modern to mock Shakespearean to gibberish. James Callis is reproducing his Baltar role here.
The story of Esther is actually a compelling one. Based more on the novel Hadassah than the Biblical account, the film has a story with enough potential. She was a young Jewish woman living in Persia. Jews have lost favor in the kingdom and are openly persecuted. Hadassah changes her name to Esther to avoid the ethnic liability. When the Queen defies a summons by her King, she is released from her royal position. Esther finds herself in competition to become the new Queen. It is from this position she hopes to better the plight of her people. The story soon descends into the clichéd plots of intrigue about the crown. Various plots are made and uncovered that put Esther in a vulnerable position. She must eventually reveal her true heritage and once again win over the King's heart. The script ventures down far too many side roads and soon becomes tedious to follow.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 12th, 2007
KISS fans will likely feel like they're in heaven with this quasi-intimate look at the long-tongued demon of rock. All others might be tempted to stay away, and yet, that might be a mistake. Let me first admit that I'm no fan of reality television or KISS. With that said, you might be expecting me to trash this particular program. Wrong! Honestly, as an outsider I have the unique ability to judge the show without all of the trappings of the band's fame and history.
I'm not sure if it's a case of morbid curiosity, but I ended up somewhat liking the show. At about 21 minutes an episode, it's just the right length. Even if I did find this stuff entertaining, there was only so much of Gene's family I could take in one sitting. The premise is simple and has been done to death by now. Cameras follow some famous person or family in the hopes of providing compelling drama for millions of viewers. OK, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but so is the idea that we're going to get an intimate inside look at these folks while the cameras are rolling. It's a lot like wrestling. If you don't buy into that what you're seeing is actually real, you can get a few laughs out of the whole thing. I will also admit this show destroyed a lot of the Gene Simmons mystique for me. Let's face it. Can you ever watch the stage persona in the same light again after watching Gene scoop kitty litter or wash his dog by throwing him in the pool? Let's not even talk about an attempt to get semen from a bull. Still, Gene turns out to be an interesting character very much removed from the one we're so used to seeing. While Gene dominates the show, there is plenty of time given to wife Shannon Tweed, from Playboy and soft porn films.
