Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 29th, 2007
John Cena is The Marine. Though, as matters develop, The Maroon might be a better handle. At any rate, after being discharged for having Disobeyed a Direct Order in Iraq (where, in a scene distinctly reminiscent of the opening of The Naked Gun, our boy shoots up one of those elusive Al-Qaeda training camps that nobody else seems to be able to find). Readjustment to civilian life is difficult, but then, while heading out for a little holiday with his wife (Kelly Carlson), an unfortunate stop at a gas station results in Carlson being abducted by a violent gang of jewel thieves headed up by Robert Patrick (who comes across, as was pointed out to me, like the love child of Martin Sheen and Chandler Bing). Cue the pursuit through the swamps.
So as we’re watching this, my girlfriend turns to me and says that there’s a problem with a movie when the hero could be removed from the picture to little discernible effect. And she’s right. In fact, Cena disappears completely once the action gets going (!!?!), leaving the field for Patrick to camp it up. What role he does play could have, for the most part, easily been filled by one of the alligators we are shown (but who are never seen again). Perhaps Gustave could have been imported from Primeval to take care of business. And while I love a good explosion as much as the next guy, the ones on display here are so over the top (my favourite is the coop car raised into the air on a pillow of fire) that they are hilarious. And trust me, we’re laughing AT the movie and the steroid freaks in it, not with it (or them).
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 29th, 2007
Based on Augusten Burroughs� popular biographical memoir of the same name, Running With Scissors is a dark, comedic tale of surviving a bizarre and painful childhood.
The film covers Augusten�s life mostly from about age 12 to 16. Part of what makes this film intriguing is that it�s so outlandish that viewers can hardly anticipate events before they happen, so I will attempt to avoid spoiling it all in this review. With that in mind, here�s my very high-level plot summary: Augusten�s parents� relatio...ship is at best antagonistic. His mother, Deirdre (Annette Bening), is bipolar and becomes worse as the film progresses. His father, Norman (Alec Baldwin), is an alcoholic. The marriage crumbles very early in the film, which leads to Augusten becoming intimately acquainted with his mother�s therapist, Dr. Finch (Brian Cox), and Finch�s family.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 25th, 2007
The Rock � sorry, Dwayne Johnson � sure has come a long way from his melodramatic days as a WWE superstar. His first major film role, as the Scorpion King in 2001�s The Mummy Returns was more about his physical presence than any acting ability. Two years later, he proved he could handle action comedy with The Rundown. Now, with Gridiron Giants, Johnson has added the drama notch to his genre belt.
The film, based on a true story and following a 1993 TV documentary of the same name, tells...the story of a group of juvenile criminals who learn how to turn their lives around through participation in a football team, coached by their detention center supervisor (Johnson).
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 21st, 2007
Back in late 2006 there was a minor to-do about a film depicting the last days of Jesus, except that Jesus was played by a black man. Written and directed by Jean-Claude La Marre, Color of the Cross tries to do what it can to tell the tale of this black Jesus, or be-jeezus if you will.
The film, like others covering the last two days of his life, follows Jesus as he performs the Last Supper, gets betrayed by Judas and the other stuff. While in town, many Jews are trying to celebrate Passover without being abused or persecuted by the Romans, so they celebrate in secret. In the meantime, what happens during a lot of other character thoughts is that they wonder about this so-called prophet, and because he's black AND jewish, whether that should diminish the message that he is trying to convey.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 19th, 2007
The only thing I really knew about The Librarian was that Noah Wyle, previously known for his work in ER was playing in some goofy looking film, and the making of this film was getting in the way of whatever theatrical film I was watching from August-October. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was more than just a goofy little film, that it was the second in a presumed series, and hey, it's not all that much about a library at all!
Written by Marco Schnabel in his initial outing and directed by Number One himself, Jonathan Frakes, Wyle plays Flynn Carsen, an adventurous academic with 22 Ph. D's who works in a library that's maintained by Judson (Bob Newhart, Elf) and the accountant Charlene (Jane Curtin, Saturday Night Live). He goes to Africa to search for the secrets behind King Solomon, and encounters a myriad of intrigue that few are familiar with.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 19th, 2007
Back in 1979 (that's a whole generation ago, kids!) Matt Dillon was appearing in films that would make the average reader of Tiger Beat swoon. He was in plenty of material like Little Darlings, Rumble Fish and The Outsiders that didn't help that idea too much in the eyes of his female fans (of which there are scores). But since the early '80s, he's gone through a bit of a rediscovery, and in the film Factotum, based on the works of author Charles Bukowski, he may have hit his best stride to date.
In the film, Dillon plays Henry, a guy who takes many jobs and loses all of them rather quickly, but still finds enough time to drink while providing dramatic voiceover on his life as an aspiring writer he's always wanted to be. The stories he periodically sends to publishers to read without success is part of his life too. He meets Jan (Lili Taylor, Say Anything) who helps him in a time where he's lonely, but he leaves her and finds another woman in Laura (Marisa Tomei, My Cousin Vinny). In Laura he thinks he's found love, but as it turns out, Laura is one of several barflys that a wealthy Frenchman houses and beds with great frequency. Of note, one of the women is played by Adrienne Shelly (Sleep With Me) in her last film role before her murder in late 2006. Anyway, side notes aside, Henry and Laura eventually split up, and in a stroke of luck, he manages to bump into Jan again, who helps to get him on his feet.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 18th, 2007
Alexandra Holden is a big-time TV reporter who is traumatized when an intruder breaks into her home and kills her fiancé. (Does this set-up remind anyone of The Howling?) She retreats to her old home-town, moves back with her parents (Sid Haig and Leslie Easterbrook!) and starts work at a local TV station. Her first assignment takes her to a house where murders took place years ago, and she promptly has visions of ghosts and the murders, and she feels she is being called on to provide justice for the ghosts. Their still-living killer has other ideas, however.
The counter-casting of Haig and Easterbrook (most recently together in The Devil’s Rejects) as overly protective parents is enjoyable perverse, but the movie itself has the rather plodding, pedestrian feel of a late-70's made-for-TV flick. The dialogue is frequently awkward and excessively expository, and the characters aren’t always consistent. There are a couple of decently assembled jolts, but there isn’t really much here to lift things out of the run-of-the-mill.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 17th, 2007
Invincible (2006) marks the latest in a string of sports-underdog films from Disney, following such hits as 2002's The Rookie and 2004's Miracle. This time, we have a film inspired by the real-life Cinderella story of Philadelphia Eagles' alumnus Vince Papale.
Papale's story is so similar to that of fictional Philadelphia son, Rocky Balboa, that calling Invincible a remake of Sylvester Stallone's Rocky isn't much of a stretch. But then, the sports long-shot genre is tried and true, so as far as my enjoyment goes, I have few issues with this film's formulaic plot.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 16th, 2007
Halfway through The Celestine Prophecy, I was exasperated and ready to turn it off. If I hadn't been watching it for this review, I would have, and would have been better for it.
When this DVD came across my plate, my interest was piqued. I'd never heard of the film, or the worldwide bestselling book it's based on, and the cover quote said, "...a huge leap forward in spiritual adventure films." My first thoughts were, "if it's based on a bestseller, maybe it has a great script" and "hey, I didn't even know there was a spiritual adventure genre".
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on January 15th, 2007
Jaleel White continues to flounder about aimlessly looking for a post-Family Matters career in Who Made the Potatoe Salad?, a mindless 90-minute excursion into the offensively cliched family comedy. Looking for laughs in all the wrong places, this effort from writer-director Damon "Coke" Daniels tries to cash in on every dirty race-driven joke it can think of without once pausing for a breath of originality. White plays, of all things, a police officer, who decides the time is right to move his relati...nship forward with the gorgeously awful Jennia Fredrique. That's where the film takes a turn from the familiar to the overdone. Of course, her family disapproves right away, led by her former Black Panther daddy, who believes all cops are pigs. Lucky for White, he picked the right profession to set Daddy Dearest up with every "been there, done that" joke in the book.
As for White's performance, I suppose he is a capable actor, but there are portions of this film where he disappears for what feels like an eternity, so the less than stellar cast can result to every outrageous gangland quip and situation to push the film along to its well-deserved R-rating they can think of. Of course, the real fault lies with Daniels' humorless script and direction. Family comedies, both dirty and clean, should connect with viewers on the grounds we can see our own lives reflected in the situations and character play that arise. All of this film seems as staged as a suspicious crime scene, where the characters react based on the needs of the script - and that, ladies and gentleman, is an ass-backwards way to write any work of fiction.
