Disc Audio

So Close

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 15th, 2003

Synopsis

Shu Qi and Zhao Wei are sisters who, after the murder of their parents, have become a top-of-the-line assassination-for-hire team, combining martial arts and weapons expertise with acomputer program that allows them to tap into any closed-circuit camera anywhere on Earth.Karen Wok is the tough-as-nails detective who is on their trail. All three women run afoul of acorrupt businessman who wants them dead.

The Charlie’s Angels can only wish they were thi…
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Eastern Condors

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 15th, 2003

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Synopsis

The year is 1976, and the Vietnam war has just ended. In a Dirty Dozen-style plotdevelopment, ten military prisoners are recruited to be flown into Vietnam to blow up a depotof missiles abandoned by the US army. Heading up the motley crew is the unjustly convictedSammo Hung. In-country, then hook up with female Cambodian guerillas. No one, other thanthe colonel leading the mission, knows precisely what their orders are.

What follows is a stirring serie…
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Heart of Dragon

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 14th, 2003

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Synopsis

Jackie Chan is a police officer. His girlfriend wants him to commit, but he wants to becomea sailor. The real complication in his life is his brother, Sammo Hung, who, though almost 30,has the mind of a small child. Chan must put his dreams on hold in order to look after hisbrother, and his resentment grows. His loyalty is put to the test, however, when Hunginadvertently runs afoul of the both the mob and the police.

If you’re hoping for another Jackie Chan a…
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Grabbed By The Ghoulies (Xbox)

Posted in Game Reviews by Archive Authors on December 12th, 2003

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While out on a romantic walk with your girlfriend, she’s grabbed by a group of ghoulies. Now you’ve got to rescue her, not the most original storyline out there but it works for the type of game that this is. On your search-and-rescue mission, you take the role of a young boy named Cooper who needs to go to Ghoulhaven Hall, a haunted house to rescue the fair damsel. Pretty simple stuff.

Graphics

The game uses cel-shading graphics which create a comic type feel for it which works well for …
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Duel to the Death

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 12th, 2003

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Synopsis

Every ten years, the best swordsmen from China and Japan meet at the House of the HolySword for a duel to the death. This time around, the champions are Ching Wan (Damian Lau)and Hashimoto (Tsui Siu Keung). The circumstances around the duel are as deadly as the duelitself, however, because the Japanese have sent an army of ninjas. Their mission: kidnap all ofChina’s best fighters and steal China’s kung fu secrets, thus paving the way for conquest.

Though init…
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Jeepers Creepers 2

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 11th, 2003

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Synopsis

Every 23 years, a monster known as the Creeper lives and feeds on humans for 23 days. Weare at the end of the current cycle. After killing a farm boy on day 22, the Creepers spends hislast day disabling a school bus and tormenting the athletes and cheerleaders on board.

That’s about all you’ve got for a plot, but for this kind of horror film, that’s all you reallyneed. Oh sure, there are all sorts of side issues like the racism of the team captain, and theher…
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Yes Symphonic Live

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 11th, 2003

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Synopsis

The DVD in this set is concert featuring Yes performing both new songs and greatest hits,accompanied by an orchestra. Obviously, if you’re not already a Yes fan, this will not be ofparticular interest. I will say that I’m not hugely aware of the difference the presence of anorchestra makes for many of these songs, given the wall of sound that they already consist of.

Audio

The audio is the most important aspect of this disc, and it comes in t…
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 11th, 2003

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Synopsis

The story is very simple, which is one of the elements that gives the film its raw power. Agroup of young adults in a VW minivan make the mistake of picking up a demented hitchhiker.They manage to dump him, but he marks their van with his own blood. Shortly, the make themistake of stumbling upon what turns out to be the home of the hitchhiker, Leatherface, and therest of the psychotic brood. Most of the cast is killed off by the halfway mark, at which point thefilms …
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In the Line of Duty 4

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 11th, 2003

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Synopsis

Detectives Cynthia Khan and Donnie Yen are trying to break up a drug ring. The actionbegins in Seattle, where a bust goes wrong and Yen’s partner is killed by a CIA agent. Witness tothis is a dock worker, who becomes a prime suspect in the killing, and flees to Hong Kong. Khanand Yen follow, not yet realizing that they have a traitor in their midst.

I have no idea if the plot actually makes any sense, and frankly, I don’t care. It serves itspurpose, which is …
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Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 11th, 2003

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I don’t know what it is that makes men enjoy stupid comedies so much. Maybe it is our inner bully, lashing out at the weaknesses of those around us, and thus proving our superiority. Maybe it’s because it’s such a relaxing break from the stress of our busy working lives. Maybe it is because laughing at idiots makes us feel better about our own questionable level of intelligence. Whatever it is, it is clear that laughing at the ignorance of others is a basic male trait. There is a point, however, when the subject of o…
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Pirates of the Caribbean – The Curse of the Black Pearl

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 11th, 2003

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Based on a ride at Disneyland, you probably would not have expected much except for the fact that you have Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush cast as the leads. The Black Pearl is a mysterious pirate ship half old-wives-tale half ghost story. Geoffery Rush plays Captain Barbossa the captain of the Black Pearl he sails the seas in search of every last piece of cursed Aztec gold to try and free himself and his mates. Johnny Depp plays the roguish Captain Jack Sparrow (the acting for this part was based on Keith Richards) on…
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Project Gemini – A Bold Leap Forward

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 10th, 2003

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NASA’s Gemini project is filled with some of the most overlooked missions of the early days of space flight. The previous Mercury missions had yielded the first American in space, and the following Apollo missions included the famous Apollo 11 moon landing, and the subsequent Apollo 13 near-disaster. The Gemini missions, however, were a crucial stepping stone in the process, which perfected the challenges of orbital mechanics as well as overcoming the limitations of working outside of the spacecraft.

This …
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Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 10th, 2003

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Ray Harryhausen and Ray Bradbury, along with Famous Monster Forry Ackerman, have been friends since childhood. It’s no wonder that when Harryhausen was given his first chance to completely control a production that he would turn to his boyhood friend who happened to become one of the world’s best known science fiction writers. Actually, the original production team had already fashioned a script based on Bradbury’s short story without giving credit to the writer. Both Rays created an iconic creature.
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Ellen DeGeneres – Here and Now

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 9th, 2003

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It seems that most people have strong opinions when it comes to Ellen DeGeneres. Of course, when you make yourself the first openly gay character on television, those opinions can be expected. Some feel that she is courageous, bravely stepping into the forefront of the gay rights movement. Others feel that her lifestyle is immoral, and that she should be shamed of her actions. Personally, I feel that it is unfortunate that her status as a gay woman is an issue at all. The desire of any true performer should be for th…
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Bee Gees: The Hits and History of the Bee Gees

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 9th, 2003

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Synopsis

This 2-disc set is rather confusingly labelled, but let’s see if we can make some sense of it.Disc 1 is labelled “One Night Only” and is a 2-hour A&E documentary about the band. The casesays the documentary is called “The Official Story of the Bee Gees,” yet the on-screen title is“This Is Where I Came In.” The confusion doesn’t end there. Disc 2 is labelled “The OfficialStory of the Bee Gees,” but actually features the concert film “One Night Only.” Are we clear?Good…
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Mighty Saturns – Saturn I and I-B

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 9th, 2003

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How quickly we forget our accomplishments. It was not long ago that the thought of sending a man into space was a far-fetched concept. The thought of landing a man on the moon was pure science fiction. Once the space race heated up, however, all boundaries were eclipsed. We succeeded in reaching the moon, and eventually space flight became a regular occurrence. It is easy to take for granted the miracles that were performed during the early days.

Thankfully, the folks at Spacecraft Films are here to remind …
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Belly of the Beast

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 9th, 2003

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Synopsis

Former secret ops man Steven Seagal’s daughter is kidnapped while on holiday in Thailand.Sagal, looking for all the world like a constipated Buddha, comes to Thailand to rescue her. Theauthorities believe a terrorist group called the Abu Karaf are responsible (people claiming to bethem have sent in a tape of their demands), but Seagal is not so sure. A lot of people will bebeaten up and shot before he unearths the truth.

The plot is both meandering and hard t…
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Medallion, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 9th, 2003

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Synopsis

The plot, such as it is, involves a mysterious medallion that, wielded by its child guardian,can convey supernatural power and eternal life. Julian Sands, phoning in a Creepy English BadGuy performance, wants the child and the medallion. He goes after the child first in Hong Kong,and then in Dublin (where, strangely, we do not encounter a single Irish person). Opposing himare Interpol agents Jackie Chan, Claire Forlani, and a bumbling Lee Evans. Chan is killedmidway …
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Nil By Mouth

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 9th, 2003

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Synopsis

This is a portrait of a family in terminal disfunction. The breadwinner is Janet (played by“Laila Morse,” Gary Oldman’s sister under a pseudonym). Her daughter Valerie (Cannes-winnerKathy Burke) is apathetic, pregnant, and married to the brutal, bullying and self-pitying Ray (RayWinstone). Her son Billy is a heroin addict, and he is thrown out of the house by Ray (who alsoalmost bites his nose off) after smoking some of Ray’s stash.

The worst-case scenarios o…
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MASH – The Complete Fifth Season

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 7th, 2003

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MASH (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) is one of the most memorable TV series ever produced. It was on the air for 11 years (much longer than the Korean War in which it took place). For those of you that have never heard of the show, it followed the trails and tribulations of the 4077th, a battlefield hospital for the American Soldiers in the Korean War. Military settings don’t exactly make one think of a comedy series but it worked. The writing on the show was and still is amongst the best in television history – and …
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Mascara

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 4th, 2003

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Synopsis

Lumi Cavazos had great hopes for her marriage, but now it has gone spectacularly on therocks. Amanda de Cadnet, rather more cynical, is still trying to deal with her husband’s infedility,and one of her responses is to seduce a young student. Ione Skye, meanwhile, is involved withphotographer Steve Jones, whose relationship with his daughter is just a wee bit creepy.

Audio

The sound is 2.0, and barely qualifies as stereo. It is, but only just. T…
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Promised Land

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 4th, 2003

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Synopsis

We are at the end of high school. Jason Gedrick is the basketball star. Tracy Pollan is thecheerleader. Kiefer Sutherland is the sensitive loner. We see them all poised on the threshold ofthe next big step. Two years later, Sutherland returns to the home town, now in the company ofwild child Meg Ryan (and for those who keep track of these things, her turn puts the lie to thenotion that the recent In the Cut features her first nude scenes). The usual set of real-…
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The Valley of Gwangi

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 3rd, 2003

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Willis O’Brien, the f/x magician behind King Kong and The Lost World, had always wanted to do a cowboys and dinosaurs film. It is no surprise that his prodigy Ray Harryhausen would accomplish the task. Using some of O’Brien’s design ideas, Harryhausen credibly put these two film icons together with mixed results. The script is certainly not the best Harryhausen had to work with. More Bronco Billy than Jurassic Park, this is more an entertaining film than anything to be taken seriously. James Franciscus does a fine job of playing to the f/x.

Scheme, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 2nd, 2003

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Synopsis

Three losers want to get on easy street. After being kicked out of a blood bank for trying tosell their blood too often, they steal a mail carrier’s load, hoping to score some cash in the letters.Instead, they discover that the daughter of a bible-thumping politician is apparently strugglingwith her sexual longing. They decide to deflower her, secretly film the deed, and sell the tapeto a tabloid publisher. Everything starts to go wrong, not the least of which is the d…
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Chicago Joe and the Showgirl

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 1st, 2003

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Synopsis

London, 1944. Emily Lloyd thinks she’s a showgirl. She dreams of being a big star, orpossibly a gangster’s moll. Serviceman Kiefer Sutherland claims to be a gangster known asChicago Joe, heading up Al Capone’s outfit in London. Yeah, right. When these two meet, theyfeed each other’s fantasies. In order to live up to Lloyd’s image of a gangster, Sutherland letshimself be talked into ever more violent crimes, culminating in murder. Director Bernard Rosekeeps the movie …
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