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Master of the Flying Guillotine

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 8th, 2005

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Synopsis

China is under the rule of the Ching dynasty, who send out assassins to kill anyone whochallenges the regime. Greatest of these assassins is the blind master of the flying guillotine. Hesets out to kill the One-Armed Boxer (don’t ask me why all these guys have disabilities). Thecharacters come together at a huge martial arts tournament (this is where Mortal Kombatcomes from, kiddies). The plot is no more developed than that of a typical porno. The film’sreason for be…
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Blinx 2: Masters of Time & Space (Xbox)

Posted in Game Reviews by Archive Authors on December 23rd, 2004

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As someone who thought the original Blinx fell far short of its potential, I came into Blinx 2 with relatively low expectations. I was mainly hoping that the problems plaguing the first would be fixed here, leaving us with a top-flight game. Sadly, that has not fully happened. While quite a bit of progress has been made (like the addition of multi-player modes, multiple gameplay styles, and the ability to make your own character), a few things don’t live up to their full potential. My prevailing thought…
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King Arthur

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 21st, 2004

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Synopsis

After fifteen years in the service of the Roman army in Britain, Lancelot (Ioan Gruffudd) andother knights of the round table look forward to being released and returning to their homelandof Samartia. Their leader, Arthur (Clive Owen), pines for Rome. But one last rescue missionturns into a nightmare, and then the Saxons invade. Gradually, our heroes discover that they lovetheir adopted country, and Arthur has his illusions about Rome destroyed one by one.

The look …
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Dragon Storm

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 21st, 2004

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Synopsis

Meteors plunge to Earth in the 12th Century, unleashing a horde of dragons from outer space(!). They destroy the castle of nasty king John Rhys-Davies. He and a few followers take refugein the castle of a good and wise king, plotting to overthrow him when opportunity arises.Meanwhile, a lone-wolf hunter is conscripted into hunting down the dragons, with the help ofa disparate band (including a martial arts expert — don’t ask).

This is another pic that follows the standard …
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Thunderbirds

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 15th, 2004

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Synopsis

Alan is the youngest member of the Tracy family, and would dearly love to be a full memberof International Rescue, but is stuck in school and is treated as a kid by his bothers and father.But then it is up to him and his two young friends to save the day when The Hood (BenKingsley) takes over IR’s base, traps the Tracys up in space, and plans to turn the Thunderbirdvehicles to evil uses (starting with robbing the Bank of England).

What I want to know is why oil rig …
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Warriors of Heaven and Earth

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 13th, 2004

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Synopsis

Lai Xi (Nakai Kiichi) must complete one last mission for the Emperor before he can returnto Japan: track down and execute mutinous Butcher Li (Jiang Wen), who refused to kill femaleand children prisoners, and is now an outlaw. Li and Lai Xi’s first encounter ends in a draw, andLai Xi agrees to wait for a rematch until Li has completed his current mission: escorting acaravan through bandit country. Lai Xi is soon caught up in the effort to protect the caravan, andthe battles…
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Spider-Man 2

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 10th, 2004

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Spider-Man 2 is a superior film to the first. While it is rare for sequels to live up to expectations, there are rare moments in film history when the sequel may even surpass the first film’s quality. The Godfather Part II and Bride of Frankenstein are two well known examples. But for Every T2 there are usually 20 Jaws 3-D’s. Doc Ock was the perfect choice as the story’s villain; Alfred Molina was a wonderful selection to bring this fan favorite to life on the big screen. Peter Parker’s life is more multi-dimensional…
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Hellboy

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on November 15th, 2004

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Synopsis

In 1944, supernaturally inclined Nazis open up a other-dimensional portal, through whichcomes a demon infant. Rescued from such evil foster-parents, the baby grows up, under the wingof John Hurt, into Hellboy (a perfectly cast Ron Perlman), who now fights monsters undercoverfor the US government. Said government isn’t ecstatic about the clandestine work of Hellboyand other creatures (these guys get none of the respect of the Men in Black). But the need for thissupernatural …
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Alexander the Great

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on October 25th, 2004

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Synopsis

Philip, King of Macedonia (Fredric March) is busy conquering all of Greece when his wifebears him a son. There is no love lost between the couple, and the young Alexander (RichardBurton) grows up to be torn between the political machinations of his parents. His prowess inbattle threatens to make his glory overshadow his father’s, and conflict between them leadstemporarily to Alexander’s exile. When Philip is assassinated, Alexander ruthlessly consolidatespower, and then mar…
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Alamo, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 26th, 2004

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Synopsis

Texas is in the middle of its revolution, beginning the break with Mexico. Santa Anna hasjust declared himself emperor, and is set on crushing the resulting rebellion. The crucialbattlefield is the Alamo, a former monastery, a hardly suitable for defense. Nevertheless, thatis where our band of heroes gather, including Davey Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton), JamesBowie (Jason Patric) and Lt. Col. William Travis (Patrick Wilson). Personal animosities are setaside in the ensuing …
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My Name is Modesty

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 24th, 2004

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Synopsis

An orphan who learned to survive in the cauldron of the war-torn Balkans, Modesty Blaise(Alexandra Staden) now runs a casino in Tangiers for kingping Mr. Louche. But her boss iskilled, and armed men invade the casino, taking Modesty and fellow employees hostage.Modesty plays for time by engaging the leader of the gang (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) in endlessrounds of roulette, with the prizes being the liberation of hostages versus the truth of herbackground.

This is an…
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Whacked!

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 23rd, 2004

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Synopsis

This is a tale of two adopted brothers. One (Paul Sampson) stayed home in Jersey, becominga hit man for the Mob. The other (Patrick Muldoon) tried to escape that life, and became anassassin for the CIA. When computer nerd Judge Reinhold discovers a crooked deal arrangedby a rogue CIA officer, a contract is taken out on his life, and Sampson gets the job. Reinholdruns to Muldoon for help, thus reuniting the brothers, who realize the Agency goon has beenmanipulating them. Now they fi…
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Lost Treasure

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 22nd, 2004

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Synopsis

An art-museum heist leads to the discovery of a map pointing the way to a treasure hiddenby Christopher Columbus. Two groups wind up on a remote island, racing each other and aferocious storm for the treasure. One group is a collection of criminals and crooked cops, eagerto kill our heroes in the second group (Stephen Baldwin, Nicolette Sheridan, and assorted comicrelief).

The director of this dead duck is supposedly someone named “Jay Andrews,” but withinmoments it is pa…
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Punisher, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 10th, 2004

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Synopsis

When an undercover operation results in the death of his son, crime lord Howard Saint (JohnTravolta, recycling his Swordfish shtick) orders the wipe-out of the entire family of FBIagent Frank Castle. This duly occurs, and Castle (Thomas Jane, sounding just like HughJackman) is left for dead. He survives, however, and returns to Tampa as the Punisher, andengages in an elaborate vendetta against Saint.

Unlike the disastrous Dolph Lundgren Punisher, this …
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Walking Tall

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 4th, 2004

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Synopsis

Returning to his home town after eight years in the Special Forces, Chris Vaughn (The Rock)finds that everything has changed. The lumbermill has shut down, and in its place a casino hasarisen, dispensing drugs and sin on all sides. Beaten and left for dead by casino hoods, Chrisfights back, eventually replacing the sheriff and cleaning up the town by cleaning clocks.

This remake is loosely inspired by the life of Sheriff Buford Pusser (who was actually a prowrestler…
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Bad Boys II

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 23rd, 2004

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Synopsis

Martin Lawrence and Will Smith are squabbling away, as partners in cop movies of this kinddo. Lawrence is trying to achieve inner peace, while Smith is trying to hide the fact that he issleeping with Lawrence’s sister. Said sister is also a DEA agent, and all our heroes are trying totrack down a Cuban drug lord who seems to have cornered the market on Ecstasy. Theinvestigation proceeds with as much colossal property damage as possible.

Are we seeing the death spiral of Mich…
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Sugarland Express, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 18th, 2004

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Synopsis

Goldie Hawn plays Lou Jean, a woman as hysterical as she is stupid (she makes the bag ofhammers look like Kierkegaard), descends on her slightly more intelligent husband, Clovis(William Atherton). Clovis is four months from release from prison, but she insists he break outRIGHT NOW and come with her to fetch their baby Langston from his foster home in Sugarland.They wind up taking Texas State Trooper Michael Sacks hostage, and travel across Texas,pursued by what looks like …
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Hidalgo

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 14th, 2004

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Synopsis

Depressed by the US government’s genocide of Native Americans, Frank T. Hopkins (ViggoMortensen) is drinking himself into oblivion while working for Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.His horse, a Mustang named Hidalgo, has been called the world’s best endurance racer, whichdraws the ire of an Arabian shiek, who feels his horse owns that title. Honour challenged,Hopkins travels to the Arabian Desert to take part in a gruelling 3,000-mile race.

Having gone out of its way …
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Predator

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 9th, 2004

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When I was a kid in the 80’s, Predator was one of those films that you weren’t supposed to watch, but everybody did anyway. Over-the-top action, invincible heroes, cheesy one-liners and big, big explosions made this a film that was a favorite of pre-pubescent boys everywhere. Going into this disc, I found myself wondering if the film would stand up to the harsh tests of time and maturity.

The answer to that question is both “yes”, and “no”. In the “no” column, it is very apparent early on in the film…
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Hellboy

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on July 31st, 2004

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Comic book characters have provided a large slate of movie productions in recent years. This really isn’t anything new; both Superman and Batman have each fueled successful film franchises (It should be noted that both are soon to return). Spider-Man’s record take opened a new floodgate. Some have been quite disappointing (The Hulk and The Punisher) while a few (X-Men and Spider-Man) have provided outstanding products. Hellboy fits somewhere in the middle. The character is somewhat lesser known and considerably more …
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Femme Musketeer, La

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 31st, 2004

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Synopsis

This is a tale of the next generation of Musketeers (can we hear Alexandre Dumas spinningin his grave?). France and Spain are at war, and things are not going well for the French. Youngking Louis XIV is not mature enough to take on his responsibilities, and he is being manipulatedby Cardinal Mazarin (an incomprehensible Gérard Depardieu). Valentine (Susie Amy), daughterof D’Artagnan (Michael York) takes up her father’s sword to fight for the king and Franceagainst corruptio…
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Bourne Identity, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on July 27th, 2004

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Synopsis

An wounded amnesiac (Matt Damon) is fished from the Mediterranean. He travels acrossEurope searching for his identity, only to discover that he has several, one of which is “JasonBourne.” He is, in fact, a CIA super-assassin who has slipped his leash, and the Agency isdetermined to take him down. Dodging killers, he travels to Paris in the company of Marie(Franka Potente), still searching for the key to his memory and a way to escape the implacablepursuit.

Easily …
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Global Effect

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 23rd, 2004

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Synopsis

A madman with a dream of cleansing the planet steals a ferociously deadly virus and kidnapsMadchen Amick, the only scientist who potentially knows how to create a vaccine for thedisease. A multinational special forces squad is sent to find the bad guys and rescue Amick.Meanwhile, our villain begins the spread of the virus, and a trigger-happy National SecurityAdviser wants to nuke all of Africa. Erstwhile mummy Arnold Vosloo is the scientist at theWashington HQ urging calm.

Detonator

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 21st, 2004

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Synopsis

A powerful bomb explodes in downtown LA law office. The authorities suspect terrorism,but former FBI agent (now officer for the Bureau of Postal Investigation) Randall Batkinkoff hashis doubts. Politics interferes with his investigation, but he gradually becomes involved asanother bomb goes off. Evidence points to violent survivalist, but is he really the right man?

The rebellious investigator who’s always right. The politically-motivated chief investigatorwho hamstrings th…
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Nest, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 11th, 2004

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Synopsis

On July 14, Bastille Day, a group of small-time hoods stage a daring warehouse robbery.Meanwhile, a brutal Albanian mafia kingpin is being transported to Strasbourg for trial. Theconvoy is ambushed by what looks like an entire battalion of heavily armed men, and thearmoured car winds up taking refuge in the warehouse. The soldiers and the thieves, massivelyoutgunned and outnumbered, band together to hold off the enormous siege.

The jacket copy calls this film “Th…
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