Genre

There really was nothing like the Italian film industry in full exploitative steam. The Beast in Space is a perfect example of what I mean. From where else but Italy in 1980 could there emerge a low-rent rip-off of both Walerian Borowczyk’s high-end erotic epic The Beast and Star Wars? Even the poster somehow manages to conjure thoughts of both films. And the title shamelessly implies that it is some sort of sequel to the former. So what kind of alchemy do these elements produce?

Nothing particularly enticing, beyond its considerable value as demented trash novelty. The plot is a surprisingly convoluted bit of nonsense involving and expedition to a planet that has been producing far too much of a supposedly rare mineral. Meanwhile crew member Sirpa Lane (of The Beast) is having bad dreams about being ravished by some sort of satyr-like creature. None of this ever makes any sense, nor is the combination of gruesomely bad FX and costume design with gruesomely boring sex scenes particularly entertaining. But the release is still worthwhile, if only to prove that There Are Such Things.

There’s probably a reason why there’s a surprising and varied cast of characters in the independent film The Good Night, and that’s because a familiar last name is involved with the project. Jake Paltrow, son of Bruce and Blythe Danner, and sister of Gwyneth wrote and directed the piece which at first glance might be a pretentious and audacious film, but is a little more interesting than it seems.

Dora (Gwyneth) and her boyfriend Gary (Martin Freeman, The Office) are living in New York, and Gary is working as a musician who does work on commercials, even after he was a one-hit wonder in a band with his friend Paul (Simon Pegg, Shaun of the Dead). Gary’s relationship with Dora appears to be flailing, and he starts to dream of a mysterious woman (played by Penelope Cruz of Volver lore) that he develops an intense kinship with. He then starts to sleep longer in order to spend as much time with her as possible and seeks out a specialist (Danny DeVito, Hoffa) in order to find out how to sleep longer.

For a third straight year, Jim Henson’s lovable Muppets attracted some of the biggest names in show business. Who would have thought that such big stars would so eagerly agree to co-star opposite a clump of felt and fur? The show was also coming off a monster second year with acts like Elton John, Bob Hope and John Cleese. How do you follow up a year like that? Easy. You get more big names like: Roy Clark, Jean Stapleton, Liberace, Alice Cooper, Cheryl Ladd, Raquel Welch, Danny Kaye, Harry Belafonte, Sylvester Stallone, and even Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. Add to the tremendous star power more adventures of Pigs In Space, Veterinarian’s Hospital, and The Swedish Chef, and you have a decade of entertainment in one season set of The Muppets.

 

We’re in the US Marines, boys and who could have guessed that it would be so much fun? I often wondered how the real life members of The Corp think about Gomer Pyle. It would have made a great extra. I remember one of the F Troop sets offered a look at members of the real unit. With only another season to go I hope Paramount looks over the idea.

 

I’m going to admit right from the start, I hate cell phones. They’re evil, and I didn’t need a horror film to tell me about it. The world would be a safer and certainly a more courteous place without them. Just last week I was run of the highway by a Werner semi because the idiot driver was on his cell phone. So it didn’t come as any surprise that someone was bound to include them as part of a horror film. One Missed Call is simply the latest Asian Invasion film to be retooled for American audiences. What started with The Ring, which was a truly original and suspenseful film, has also given us losers like The Grudge. Unfortunately this film falls into the latter category. Believe me, I wanted so much to love this film. I was the annoying guy cheering the trailer at the local cineplex.

 

Many attempts have been made over a decade or so to imitate South Park in an attempt to cash in on the money train. So far no one has been even remotely close. The industry consensus appears to be that it’s all about crudeness and pushing the standards envelope. That couldn’t be further from the truth, and Drawn Together is proof of that. Drawn Together is wickedly foul and raunchy. The problem is that’s all there is. It started out with a clever enough idea. Let’s take several cartoon archetypes and put them in the same house, Big Brother style. The first few episodes had some genuine humor to them while poking fun at reality television and pretty much anything else that gets in the way. Before long the show just began to be how much gross-out will the public take? Like South Park, the characters in Drawn Together are potty-mouthed and antisocial, but they lack any of the charm that Parker and Stone were able to infuse into their characters. Also, like South Park, the show drops a ton of pop culture references. The difference is that in South Park there is usually context that makes the references funny, but in Drawn Together they appear to be dropped from out of the blue and serve no purpose. When one of the characters kills another, the dead guy’s mom shows up and delivers Mrs. Kitner’s line from Jaws about knowing there were sharks in the water but letting folks swim anyway. Where the heck did that come from? If this had been South Park the line would absolutely have tied in to something that actually happened to the dead guy. The writing is incoherent, and usually the show is a series of nonsequiturs. Gross for gross sake isn’t funny.

Just in time for the release of one of the most eagerly awaited films in years comes a new box set of the Indiana Jones Adventures. The problem is that these transfers are not upgrades so, aside from squeezing out a few extra bucks, what’s the point? I’m sure that The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull will add hundreds of millions to the Paramount coffers, so this just looks like greed to me.

 

12 Angry Men is one of those rare films that appears to defy all the Hollywood constants and yet become one of the best films of its kind ever made. The setting is entirely too claustrophobic. With the exception of two bookend scenes the entire film takes place in the tight quarters of a jury deliberation room. The story had only a couple of years earlier been the subject of a live television drama, so the story was far from a fresh idea. The director was a complete unknown who had not at that point directed a major picture. Enter Henry Fonda, the only member of the cast who was a strong A list name. He was also the driving force behind getting the film made. He produced the film and was involved with most of the major decisions. With all of these elements going against it, you would expect the film to fail miserably, and that’s exactly what it did. During its premier run the film only lasted a week and was a complete financial failure. It happens all the time, and we would expect the story to end there, but it didn’t.

 

Jim Phelps (Graves) led his team in a fourth season of Mission Impossible starting in 1969. The show continued its trademark traditions. Jim would receive a mission from the “self destructing” tape and would gather his IMF (Impossible Mission Force) team. The team was necessarily eclectic in nature, and it changed significantly in the fourth season. Gone were Martin Landau in his signature role of Rollin Hand and Barbara Bain as Cinnamon Carter, model and the team’s chief seductress  Still in the team we had Barney Collier, the gadget man, played by Greg Morris. The muscle was still supplied by Willy Armitage, played by brute Peter Lupus. Leonard Nimoy joined the team in season four as Paris, who also had a skill for disguise. He was a magician, so his sleight of hand skills came in … well, handy. Together they took on missions that the government could not be officially a part of. They were always admonished that should they be caught “the secretary would disavow any knowledge” of them.  Usually they were sent somewhere to put some evil mastermind out of business. Their tactics ranged from scams to outright theft. Sometimes they were a rescue team, while other times they would infiltrate a group of bad guys. There were certainly cold war elements to the whole thing. Each week the team concocted some convoluted con to play on their mark, walking away at the end of each episode often without getting any credit or congratulations.

 

In the first season of The 4400 we are introduced to 4400 people who, we are led to believe, have recently returned from being abducted by aliens. Before you can look for Samantha Mulder among the group, we eventually discover that it was in reality the future that abducted these hundreds for nefarious reasons of their own. Some abductees have returned with mysterious powers and abilities. No, this is not Heroes or X-Men; in fact it’s a lot more like The X-Files than anything else, particularly in this the final season. Up to this point the government has developed a vaccine that inhibited these powers. Again we seem to be treading on X-Men territory here, don’t we. When the third season left us we were introduced to another drug that can reverse the effects of the inhibitor, but it carried an almost even chance of death. It is here that season four begins its likely final stories to tell.