Television

"She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny... So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door. She was there to sell makeup, but father saw more. She had style! She had flair! She was there. That's how she became the Nanny! Who would have guessed that the girl we've described Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now the father finds her beguiling. And the kids are actually smiling. She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan... The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran!"

Not exactly Mary Poppins.

On October 9^th 1986 the network television landscape did something that hadn’t been done successfully in its 40 year history. A fourth network broke on the airwaves. It was called FOX and wasn’t even going to broadcast 7 days a week. Most pundits in the television industry never gave it a chance. Most of the channels were in the double digit UHF range. This had long been considered the independent station area, and a lot of televisions didn’t pick up this band as well as the established VHF band. And for a while it looked like the network was going to disappear almost as quickly as it appeared. But by 1987 the network suddenly had two big hits on its hands. The first was a silly cartoon, originally aired as a throwaway segment on a variety show. The cartoon featured the most unlikely of television families, The Simpsons. That show is still with us nearly 25 years later. The second hit was a live action series, also based on a very unlikely and this time seemingly unlovable family, the Bundys. Right from the start there was criticism that the name itself was a death knell. At the time America was still dealing with the pending execution of a far more infamous Bundy. Married With Children, however, would become an almost instant break-out hit.

Al Bundy (O’Neill) was a working stiff. He had seen his high school glory years evaporate into the rearview mirror of his ancient Dodge when he married his childhood sweatheart (no, I did not misspell), Peggy (Segal). The red-headed woman would soon become his curse. She was lazy. Peggy wouldn’t know what a stove looked like if it fell on her. She was content to sit around all day while Al worked for minimum wage at a mall shoe store. Tying Al to his meager existence were two children. Bud (Faustino) was a frustrated teen who couldn’t seem to find his cool. Girls scorned him, and he appeared to be headed to the life of his father. Daughter Kelly (Applegate) was a teen slut. She slept around and used her looks to make her way in life, which was likely good, because she was dumber than rocks. Al was also plagued by neighbor Marcy (Bearse) who was a feminist and usually a thorn in Al’s behind. Her second husband, Jefferson (McGinley) was often Al’s accomplice in trouble. Most of the material involved Al’s suffering and the apathy of his family to his lowly station in life.

In 1976 a New York media group conducted a survey of the NYPD detectives. The question was: “Of all the TV cop shows, which most accurately portrays life as a detective?” The overwhelming response was the comedy Barney Miller. Seems real cops related to the daily grind and weekly wackos of Barney Miller. Let’s not put aside that this was also one of the most consistently funny shows on television. I remember it took me a while to accept Abe Vigoda in such a light role as Fish. My first exposure to Vigoda was the ruthless mobster in The Godfather. Barney Miller always managed to be funny while still telling a good short story. The characters were always wonderful.

Captain Barney Miller (Linden) was in charge of the detective squad at New York’s 12^th Precinct. Among his detectives were a colorful group of odd individuals. Detective Ron Harris (Glass) was writing a book that detailed his life as a New York detective. It was called Blood On The Badge and was far more fiction than fact. He prided himself on his stylish clothes and culture. Arthur Dietrich (Landesberg) was a know-it-all. He had an almost encyclopedic base knowledge on everything and anything. He would bore his colleagues with his endless drone of facts. Stan “Wojo” Wojciehowics (Gail) was the typical New Yorker everyman. He might not have been the brightest tool in the box, but he more than made up for it in heart. At times his desire to show initiative would end up getting the squad in trouble. Fish (Vigoda) was past his prime and spent more time in the men’s room than actually fighting crime. He was always suffering from one old age ailment after another. His bulky frame made him look intimidating, however. Nick Yamana (Soo) was a lovable Japanese guy who wasn’t always the first to understand. He had a literal way of interpreting speech which led to some very classic misinterpretations. He was also a gambling junkie, often on the phone with his bookie. From time to time the squad would be visited by the clueless Inspector Luger (Gregory). He often reminisced about his glory days and often expressed regret that he didn’t go down in a blaze of glory like his old friends had. He was usually intruding upon the squad’s time with long pointless stories. Finally, patrolman Levitt (Carey) was an ambitious uniformed officer who wanted to be a part of the squad, which he eventually did.