The Reel World

-“This mansion is unhinged. She needs all the help she can get. You wanna be a hero?”

-“Pass.”

-“Two thousand dollars.”

-“What’s the address?”

I think Disney got it right this time. Or least they did from my perspective. Twenty years ago, they attempted to create a film adaptation from one of their popular attractions: The Haunted Mansion. Recruiting a top-level talent like Eddie Murphy, it appeared that it would be a success. However, the film was considered a critical failure, but a decent box office success. The 2003 adaptation was described as lifeless, as well as neither scary nor funny. Granted, in recent years the film has undergone a reassessment, joining the likes of Clue, The Monster Squad, and Hocus Pocus, similar dark-yet-broadly-comical films that were initially received poorly before finding an appreciative audience.
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“Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” 

It is hard to ignore the hype around the film Oppenheimer. Any time a Christopher Nolan film has come out, it has become a pretty big deal for cinema fans, whether it was for his The Dark Knight trilogy, Interstellar, Inception, or Tenet, his films carry the same kind of respect alongside the names of Stanley Kubrick and James Cameron, and his films can be just as divisive. But the anticipation for the release of Oppenheimer feels like a different beast entirely. The release coming out the same day as Barbie has created such a stir on the internet that the term Barbenheimer has become a part of the zeitgeist of modern day. Then another aspect is how the film was literally shot on 70mm film, which is unheard of in today’s digital-hungry climate, and the film is being released in certain theaters on 70mm prints that reportedly weigh around 600lbs.
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“It’s called the Impossible Mission Force for a reason.”

I imagine this is how it happened. It’s January of 2019, and Tom Cruise has just popped into the bathroom to shave. He opens up that can of Barbasol just to make sure there isn’t any dinosaur DNA left in the can, but as he takes off the cap, an authoritative voice begins to speak: “Good morning, Mr. Cruise. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to make a two part film of the Mission Impossible franchise. It won’t be easy. That’s why only the IMF team can be counted on to complete this task. There are agents out to stop you before you even get started. In China there is a virus code-name: Wuhan, and this virus will spread to pandemic levels just as you’re starting to get your production crew together. Elements within our own government will take measures to shut you down.  Delays will cost an extra $100 million and necessitate crucial cast changes.
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“I miss the desert. I miss the sea. I miss waking up every morning wondering what wonderful adventure the new day will bring to us.”

Who said Nazis aren’t a lot of fun? Hogan’s Heroes turned them into comic foils. When it comes to Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, it seems there’s no one we like seeing him beat more than Nazis. Think about it. Raiders Of The Lost Ark: Nazis: Great movie. Temple Of Doom: No Nazis: Not so much a great film. Last Crusade: Nazis: Again great film. Crystal Skull: No Nazis: Total disaster. Can you see a pattern beginning to develop here? Somebody finally took notice and Indiana Jones is back in Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny (terrible title, by the way), and he’s back to fighting Nazis. What could go wrong?
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“Miles, being Spider-Man is a sacrifice. You have a choice between saving one person and saving every world.”

So, I’m not sure how I feel about this whole breaking films into two-parters phenomenon that seems to be sweeping Hollywood. Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning is expecting to do it, while the Fast and Furious franchise has essentially made a three-part finale with the first installment out now. Now we have Spider-Man: Across the Spider-verse joining the party. Personally, I blame the Harry Potter and Twilight franchises for this; they opened the door for this type of scheme. Pardon my saltiness; it could have something to do with the fact that I wasn’t aware that I was only going to be watching part one of two-parter prior to showing up at the theater. Had I known, I would have mentally prepared myself.
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“You can’t live in that world unless you become a human yourself.” 

That’s what Disney thinks, anyway. In 1989 Walt Disney Studios was suffering a bit. The box office had been loaded with several disappointments, and it seemed that the storied studio might have to give up its crown for the dominant provider of family entertainment. It was the release of The Little Mermaid as a animated feature film that brought families back to the movies in droves. But it wasn’t only that particular film that would save things for Disney. The Little Mermaid set the template for what would become one of the best decades in Disney animation history. With animated features like The Lion King and Beauty And The Beast, it was like a new golden age of hand-drawn animation. It was an unprecedented run, to be sure. Now we’re in a new millennium, and Disney has once again suffered some box office miscues, and in the middle of that is this trend to create live-action
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“Never accept death when suffering is owed.”

So I think it safe to say that when it comes to the Fast and Furious franchise, it is no longer about cars or street racing anymore. In the beginning it felt like we were getting a window into a secret underground world that spanned multiple continents. However, I would say that is no longer the case. Dom and his family have gone legit. Not only have they gone legit, but they now unofficially work for the government in some capacity. No, it is no longer about the cars and street racing anymore. In fact, I would go as far as to say that we aren’t tuning in to see them use their skills on the behalf of the government either. There is one thing that keeps us coming back for more. We want to see what over-the-top, outrageous, death-defying, impossible stuff they are going to do next. At least that is what got me in the seat. In the last couple years, we’ve watched Dom and his family do things that may be theoretically possible, but that we know to be ridiculous. I mean, we watched them go to space in a Pontiac Fiero just a movie ago. Needless to say, this franchise has pushed the boundaries of what we know to be possible, and they’ve done it in a fashion that keeps us coming back for more.
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It’s a little hard to believe that it has been nearly a decade since the first Guardians of the Galaxy made its debut on the big screen. I fell in love with the motley crew of heroes after that first screening, and they have been my favorite thing to come out of the MCU after all these years. Now with the third film releasing and with James Gunn bidding his farewell to the MCU and heading over to the DC universe to helm their cinematic universe, that means it is sadly time to see the Guardians, at least how we’ve come to know them, set out on their final adventure. It has been a bumpy road to get to this point; after all, there was the point where James Gunn had been fired from the project and he dipped his toes into the DC universe by writing and directing The Suicide Squad (2021), a film that just didn’t deliver at the box office but I felt was a heck of a lot of fun. Then it seemed the powers that be saw the error of their ways, also fearing that the cast would not return to the film if James Gunn was not brought back on as director, and the announcement was made that Gunn would be brought back and that production would begin on Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3. So after six years since the previous Guardians of the Galaxy film was released, was it worth the wait?
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” Some call me the Dark One. Others, the Lord of Death. To most, I am… Dracula!”

After nearly 90 years, the Universal horror cycle stands as one of the most enduring collection of horror movies today. Their influence on modern horror is unmistakable. There have been literally thousands of incarnations of Dracula, The Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s monster, but the first image that comes to your mind will always be the nightmare creations of those Universal films. Studio head Carl Laemmle, Jr. was trying to break away from his father’s control and create a studio culture of his own. The results would start in 1931 when an unknown Hungarian actor named Bela Lugosi jumped from the stage to the screen in Dracula, directed by Tod Browning. Laemmle’s niece, Carla Laemmle, is the girl in the coach headed for Borgo Pass as the film opens to the musical strains from Swan Lake.
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You don’t have to be a sports name to know the name Michael Jordan, and there is a good chance you’ve even heard of the Air Jordan even if you are not a sneakerhead. What is a little surprising is that someone out there believed that the story about how a shoe could change the sports industry and go on to make the Nike company a multi-billion dollar industry could be a movie that people would actually want to go see. Well, that person was screenwriter Alex Convery, who wrote a screenplay that would make it onto the Hollywood Black List (For those that don’t know, The Black List is a list that comes out every year that ranks the top 10 unproduced screenplays.  It’s an elite list to be on, and typically these eventually get turned into films that gain critical acclaim). As it would turn out, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon would get a shot at the script, and after a polish it would become the new film Ben Affleck would direct since the last film he helmed, Live By Night back in 2016.
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“You think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don’t!” 

That’s the big caveat for this review of The Super Mario Bros. Movie. You might be asking yourself a simple question. If I don’t know anything about the Nintendo or Super Mario Bros. games and world, will I be able to enjoy this film? The answer is that you will still be able to enjoy it, but you’ll walk away feeling like you’ve been left out of the joke. That’s how I felt after the press screening for the film. I got to hear many of my fellow critics talking with great excitement about all of these wonderful Easter eggs and subtle homage moments, and I didn’t get a single one. Check that. I did get one of them, and I’ll explain that next.
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I don’t believe any of us could have predicted that global phenomenon that the John Wick franchise would become. I mean, on its surface, it’s a movie about man avenging his dog. However, each film has peeled back a layer of the fictional underworld created in the film, drawing us deeper and deeper into this well-crafted universe. In the first film, we were teased about this world’s existence. In the second, we learned about the rules that govern it. In the third, we learned the consequences if you break this world’s rules. And in this likely final installment of the franchise, we see what happens when this world declares war on you. Keanu Reeves reprises this character for the fourth time, doing exactly what he’s done for each installment; literally putting his body on the line to deliver an action-packed and epic performance. Joining him are the Wick universe veterans, Ian McShane, Laurence Fishburne, and most notably the recently departed Mr.Lance Reddick. Rounding out the cast are the Wick universe newcomers, many of whom are action stars in their own right, such as Donnie Yen, Scott Adkins, Hiroyuki Sanada, Shamier Anderson, and Bill Skarsgard.
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I know that we all know that the DC universe is going through a bit of a revamp right now. I’m sure we’ve all seen it, with the cancellation of the Batgirl movie and the getting our hopes up over the prospect of Henry Cavill’s return to the fold, only to be crushed when it was announced that the studio was going in a different direction. We all have our feelings about it. That said, if there was a franchise that I would recommend keeping around, it would be the Shazam films. I know, I know, I’m surprised by this revelation too, but the thing is, this franchise of them all was the one that took me by the most surprise. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it. Prior to the release of the first film, the character of Shazam (a.k.a. Captain Marvel) had been nothing more than a background character that I’d observed in the animated films and shows. I even questioned the wisdom of introducing a character like this when DC was behind the curve in comparison to Marvel. I thought they should focus on building up the main Justice League heroes so they could get back in the race.
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We knew it was coming, a new chapter in the Ghostface franchise that has been a staple in the horror genre since the first Scream released back in 1996. Over the years we’ve gotten to see our favorite horror fan/serial killer terrorize the citizens of Woodsboro and even venture out to LA when he terrorized the film set of Stab (you know, the movie within a movie). It was only a matter of time before our killer ventured out of Woodsboro again, and this time he follows in the footsteps of another masked killing icon, Jason Voorhees, as Ghostface sets out to terrorize the Big Apple in Scream VI. Last year’s Scream I felt did a good job at rebooting the franchise (or worked as a requel) and worked as a way of passing on the torch from Sydney and Gale to the next generation, Sam (Melissa Barrera) and Tara (Jenna Ortega). This new film will also be the first time Sydney doesn’t make an appearance on screen, though we do thankfully have Gale (Courtney Cox) and Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) returning in their “legacy” roles. Does Scream 6 manage to impress with the new cast and new locale, or does it take a misstep as Jason Takes Manhattan did for its franchise?
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I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t address the elephant in the room first. For the first time in the nearly 50-year history of this franchise, Sylvester Stallone was not featured in the film as Rocky Balboa. We could delve into the reasons behind why he elected not to take part in this installment, but that would be a review in itself and take away from this film. I mention it off the bat, so we can all process it and view the film with clarity. Long story short, I will say that his absence was noticed, and he was missed. I think his absence is notable due to the lack of an explanation as to his absence. I suppose the film being set in Los Angeles instead of Rocky’s native Philadelphia is meant to serve as a workaround, but still, I’d hope for some kind of explanation or at least a casual mentioning of the character. The lack thereof is what really drew attention to it. To be fair, the case can be made that that the previous film provided a pretty good conclusion for the Rocky chapters of the franchise.
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Not since Snakes on a Plane has a title for a movie  been so absurd that I just had to see the movie. While Snakes on a Plane delivered on its B-movie camp, it was still kind of a bad movie no matter how hard Samuel L Jackson seemed to try to carry that film.  Cocaine Bear embraces its absurd title, and it goes over the top and beyond with a black ear ingesting more cocaine than Tony Montana would ever dare to snort. The film is loosely based on true events, the truth being that a drug runner did die while tossing numerous bags of cocaine out of a plane in 1985 and that a bear was found dead after ingesting a large quantity of cocaine. This film attempts to rewrite history by posing the “what if?” that the bear encounters many unfortunate humans while on its cocaine binge.  For me the moment I heard they were making this a movie,  it was on my radar.
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I think it’s best that Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania is the last in the series. That is not meant as a condemnation of the film; in my opinion after this outing, it is hard to see how the series fits into Marvel’s overall plans. I’m sure Ant-Man and the Wasp will be featured in the future Avengers movies, and that is fine, but as a solo vehicle, this film kind of showed that the prestige for this franchise has faded. When the first film was released, I was skeptical of what value it could bring to the franchise, and I was pleasantly surprised and enjoyed it far more than I expected to. The sequel was decent enough, while in some cases lacking some of the comedic elements of the first one. This time, the film seems to have lost all the lighthearted humor and felt forced. Rudd does his best to endear the character to the audience, but in this incarnation, he feels more like a secondary character in a film where he plays the titular character. Then there is the other titular character, the Wasp, a.k.a. Evangeline Lilly’s Hope Van Dyne. Her role, too, feels reduced. When the two main characters become the least significant characters in their own franchise, I believe that signifies that the writing is on the wall. It’s time to hang it up.
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“You see, the four of us have a very important job to do. In fact, it might be the most important job in the history of the world.”

What is it about a cabin in the woods that makes it a good place for the apocalypse? When I think of those isolated cabins, I think of good ol’ Abe Lincoln or a group of guys bonding over a fishing/hunting weekend. But when it comes to folks like Joss Whedon or now M. Night Shyamalan, they see disaster. Where I see a day on the lake, these guys see the end of the world. It’s not like Shyamalan hasn’t brought us there before. The box office bomb After Earth comes to mind. So what about his latest effort, Knock At The Cabin? The trailers appear to pretty much give the plot away, but pleasantly there’s a little bit more to it than that. I’m a huge fan of the man’s mostly early works. The Sixth Sense, The Village, Signs, Unbreakable, and even the more recent Split and Glass are all first-rate films in my book. But lately it’s been more hit than miss from the guy who grew up in the same Philly area playpen where I grew up. So, flop or fantastic? Knock At The Cabin falls somewhere in the middle, which is a new experience for me from a Shyamalan movie.
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“She doesn’t look confused. She just looks demented.”

One of the problems about this job is that we spend so much of our time at the end of the year watching so many serious films for awards considerations and the like that by the time the year is over it starts to get a little too heavy. I always look to try to start my new year with something fun and entertaining. I just want to sit down and have a good time while watching a movie. Akela Cooper and James Wan have written the perfect prescription for that critic malady, and director Gerald Johnstone delivered the proper dose. There’s nothing great or grandiose about M3GAN, but if you’re in need of a good time at the movies, this will cure what ails you.
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“The way of water has no beginning and no end.”

We all know better than that, don’t we? It’s been 13 years since James Cameron first brought us to the moon planet of Pandora. What I remember most from that 2009 experience was the milestone breakthroughs in filmmaking that Cameron brought to the screen. Avatar reinvented 3D for theaters and created a new wave of 3D releases thanks to a technology that made the experience smoother and allowed us to enjoy the spectacle in a whole new light. Cameron also brought us some wonderful innovations in cinematography, motion capture performance, and the nearly seamless blend with the computer-generated artificial and live-action photography. It was a marvel, to be sure. What I didn’t walk away from that experience with was a strong emotional connection to the story or characters. I’ve often called it The Smurfs version of Dances With Wolves.
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With Thanksgiving in the rearview mirror, that can mean only one thing; that Christmas is just around the corner. Normally this time of year the theaters are filled with movies that are either A) jockeying for awards consideration or B) are big-budget blockbusters, and then if you are lucky there are a few holiday films sprinkled in for good measure. It has been a while since there has been a holiday film that has appealed to me. Some of the best ones in recent memory are Better Watch Out (2016) and Krampus (2015), so I think it is fair to say we are long overdue for a great Christmas film.  At first glimpse, Violent Night doesn’t look the part of what you’d traditionally call a Christmas film, but even the trailers for the film market this as a mash-up of Die Hard meets Home Alone, and that’s exactly what you get, and it is gloriously violent and heartwarming.
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I’ve seen Bones and All twice now, and I have to say this is certainly one of the standout films of 2022. A road film that plays out as a romance between two young cannibals trying to find their place in the Reagan era America, well, it’s just the strange mix that works.  Horror isn’t supposed to be this sweet, and romance isn’t supposed to be so gruesome, but director Luca Guadagnino manages to put together a film that is so good that I believe it has a real shot at winning some prestigious awards, and it is so well deserved. I’m going to recommend going into this knowing as little as possible. Just simply allow the film to expose its dark and bloody underbelly to you, and just let yourself care for these monsters that are simply trying to find their place in the world and in the process even fall in love.
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“Life is not like the movies.”

Maybe sometimes life is exactly like the movies. You know the old phrase of art imitating life and that kind of thing. That’s exactly the territory that’s covered in Steven Spielberg’s latest film The Fabelmans. It’s an autobiographical film where the names are changed to protect both the guilty and the innocent. It’s also the first time that Spielberg has directed his own writing in over 20 years. In those 20 years Spielberg has become something of a movie-making machine, and I think he felt it was time that the machine walked away from the spotlight for a minute and allowed the man behind the machine to show his face again. It used to be about heart; lately it’s been about box office, and more recently it’s been about surviving after the hit the industry took with COVID. I think that Spielberg had a lot of things to get off his chest, and it looks like he might have found the time and place to do just that. While the film is a love letter to people who still think movies are a kind of wizard’s magic, it was also a little bit of therapy for this particular wizard. Like all autobiographies, it’s not really finished, and that’s the most profound takeaway I had when the film ended.
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“Some people aren’t meant to be heroes.”

Black Adam was a unique experience. It was an occasion where a being that kills without hesitation is viewed as more of a hero than those that exercise restraint while fighting for justice. This is a principle that was leaned into during the film’s marketing campaign, which for me generated a great deal of intrigue, and I was glad that it was not just a marketing ploy. The fact is that Black Adam is very much an anti-hero. However, he did not start out that way. He was initially just a supervillain, one that was and likely still is intended to serve as the primary antagonist to Zachary Levi’s Shazam. For this film, he embraces the role of anti-hero, which is in keeping with his comic book roots, which saw the character shift from villain to anti-hero. Simply put, he is a dark hero; someone you love watching even when he is doing morally questionable things. Who better to embody that idea than Dwayne Johnson.
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As I mentioned in my review for Amsterdam, it’s awards season, and the studios are churning out the films they hope will garner praise and a lot of statues celebrating how great their film is. Spoiler alert, Amsterdam won’t be one of those films, but one that will be is a film that is easily one of the top films I’ve seen this year, and it’s The Banshees of Inisherin.  Because of the title I know many have been put off from watching the film because they think it is going to be a horror film. Well, let me assure you that this isn’t a horror film, nor are there any banshees in the film. As to why the film is called that, well, you’ll have to see it to find out for yourself.
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