Ben Affleck plays the title character, a none-too-bright mob goon ordered to kidnap theautistic son of a federal prosecutor. Jennifer Lopez is the considerably brighter and lesbian mobenforcer ordered to team up with Gigli to make sure nothing goes wrong. Sound like a promisingset up for a romantic comedy? Apparently, the movie doesn’t think so either, as it doesn’t playlike a romantic comedy. In fact, the film doesn’t seem to have to the faintest idea as to what the…ell it is supposed to be. Comedy? Thriller? Elmore Leonard-style crime comedy? Drama? Noneof the above is what you get. And yes, the film is really, really bad. Unfortunately, as a confirmedlover of horribly bad movies, I’m sorry to report that this is bad primarily in the sense of beinga crashing bore. If this was ever supposed to be a comedy (and there are some faint signs thatmaybe that was the case, at least partly), the problem is that, unlike every other film genre, acomedy can never become so bad that it turns into another kind of comedy. It just likes there likea corpse, which is what this film does (even though there are occasional galvanic twitches whenChristopher Walken shows up). So unlike The Swarm, which is very rewarding in itsbadness, Gigli will have you counting every slow second of its interminable 121minutes.
The sound is pretty clean, but surprisingly flat for a brand new 5.1 release. The music comesoff well, with a strong, very expansive sound. The sound effects are an almost total loss,however: there is virtually no surround action at all from them, even when the characters arewandering down busy streets (prime opportunities to create a fully enveloping soundscape). Aswell, the voices have a tendency to distort slightly when raised (this is particularly true ofAffleck’s).
The picture on the other hand, is first-rate. The colours are bright and solid, the blacks aredeep, the flesh tones accurate. There are no edge enhancement halos, and no grain. Theresolution is extremely sharp, and the picture comes in both fullscreen and 2.40:1 anamorphicwidescreen ratios. So the movie looks great. Crap wrapped in silk, however, is still crap.
Here’s where you know the release is being dumped: the only extras are trailers forGigli, Anaconda, Main in Manhattan and Mona Lisa Smile. I’mnot sure how Julia Roberts feels about her upcoming movie being tainted by this association, butthere you go. The menu is just as no-frills as everything else.
The big disappointment is not that the film is lousy (we all knew that) but that it’s soboringly lousy. And the lack of extras destroys the kitsch value the disc might have had. And sothe film crawls towards well-deserved oblivion.
Special Features List