Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 11th, 2009
Say Uncle. That’s U.N.C.L.E., otherwise known as The United Network Command for Law and Enforcement. Starting in 1964 The Man From U.N.C.L.E. was one of a flurry of shows to take advantage of the new James Bond craze. It featured much of the same elements as the super spy films. You had sophisticated spies in tuxedos. There were plenty of gadgets. And there were constant threats of world domination, mostly from the evil counter organization, THRUSH. The two top spies for the good guys were Napoleon Solo (Vaughn) and Illya Kuryakin (McCallum). The Bond references were never subtle and always intentional. Ian Fleming himself consulted on the show and named Napoleon Solo after a Bond character. Together Solo and Kuryakin would travel around the globe saving the world from almost certain doom. The series ran for four years. In 1983 there was talk of bringing the show back. Apparently the two stars were still up to the task and both could have used the work. Thus was born the television film and potential pilot: The Return Of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.: The Fifteen Year Affair.
It’s been 15 years since Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin have left U.N.C.L.E. and the spy game behind. Solo is now the owner of a computer company, and Kuryakin is designing women’s clothes. It has also been 15 years since anyone’s heard peep out of THRUSH. But now an American nuclear bomb has been intercepted, and Justin Sepheran (Zerbe), the last leader of THRUSH, has been broken out of jail. Someone’s putting the old band back together. Now the newly reformed THRUSH is blackmailing the United States. They will destroy a major part of that country if a $350 million ransom isn’t paid. And there’s a kicker. The money must be delivered by Napoleon Solo. The newest chief of U.N.C.L.E. is Sir John Raleigh (Macnee). He has to track down the former spies before time runs out. Once back in the fold, the duo are hot on the trail. They realize that only one man alive can activate the complicated device, so they set out to protect him. Before long the old cat and mouse spy game is in full throttle, and Kuryakin has a personal reason for joining back up. He wants revenge on the double agent who betrayed him on his final mission, causing the death of a young girl. There’s scores to settle and a world to save. Sounds like a fine ride. The film ends in an almost comical clichéd scene. Was it the red or the blue wire?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 11th, 2009
The international horror market is becoming quite the money maker. It started with the Asian Invasion. We started seeing American remakes of these mostly Japanese or Korean ghost stories. They usually had a common thread that featured some type of technology. It started with Ring, the American version of Ringu. Here it’s a videotape that demands to be reproduced or you’re dead in 7 days. Eventually we’ve seen films where ghosts inhabit everything from computers to video games to cell phones and digital cameras. It seems the dead just can’t let go of their hi-tech toys. If you want to go ghost hunting today, stay away from the creepy mansions and ancient cemeteries. I’d try Best Buy. Those guys must have a hell of a ghost problem. Who you gonna call?
The latest country to get in on the fad is Austria. Dead In 3 Days is an Austrian, German language film, which hasn’t been remade for American audiences. Instead the film, originally titled, In 3 Tagen bist du tot, provides an English dub.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 11th, 2009
I often have trouble believing that South Park has been around for as long as it has. It’s not just the passing of 12 years, but the sheer brilliance in the face of an increasingly politically correct society. It’s like watching old episodes of All In The Family. Who believes that Archie Bunker would have any chance of survival in the 21st Century? It’s no wonder that Norman Lear has become involved in the series. It’s the last remaining vestige of a once great freedom to be ridiculous and offend. Eric Cartman’s a lot worse than Archie ever was. We always knew that, in his heart, Archie had a soul. Cartman’s a psychopath without a conscience, and in a civilized society we would be terrified of the existence of such a demon spawn…except he’s just so dang funny. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been walking a tightrope for over 12 years now, and it just doesn’t get old. One of the reasons the show doesn’t grow stale is their ability to make such a quick turnaround on current events. Because the show takes literally days to write and produce, they are quite often always the first to address an issue. They had an election night episode on literally the next day in this season. That means the ideas stay as fresh as the headlines. Finally, you have to credit the expanding universe of good characters. The core group of Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny were great for a lot of years. But, watching this 12th season you have to admire how much Butters has infused himself into that core. We also have such great semi-regulars as Timmy, Jimmy, Token, and lately the Goth kids. These characters allow the stories to expand in ways the core group could not. I’ve honestly come to think of Butters as one of the core now.
So what about the episodes themselves? Let’s play a little game called: The Good The Bad, and The Ugly, shall we?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 11th, 2009
Does the name Quasimodo ring a bell? It should, and he did. The deformed cathedral tower bell ringer first appeared in the famous French language novel by Victor Hugo. The story is one of the more frequently filmed tales, going back as far as 1923 and the silent film starring Lon Chaney. Chaney created the definitive appearance from his own collection of grease paints and handmade appliances. The physical restrictions he placed upon himself then nearly crippled the actor. Charles Laughton put his own stamp on the character in 1939. This would become the defining sound film. Even the Walt Disney Studios put their own unique stamp on the tale. Their animated version brought us a romantic tale alive with music and talking statues. With such a rich history of films to its credit, one might question why a made for television film could add anything more to the story. It was with that attitude that I entered the world of this Hunchback Of Notre Dame.
It turns out that there were actually several elements to be added. The most significant is creating a faithful adaptation of the original story. To date no one has come very close to depicting the likely unfilmable Hugo narrative, at least the English translations that I’ve been exposed to. With that in mind, I must say that this film just might come closest to the original tale. Hugo’s description of Quasimodo fits this presentation rather snugly. The next element to be added was a more complicated portrayal of the man himself. While both Chaney and Laughton brought him effectively to life, I don’t feel that either instilled him with as much humanity as Anthony Hopkins does here. Even beneath plenty of prosthetics, Hopkins brings such an array of emotion that I don’t think you’ll have looked at this character in quite this manner before, nor are you likely to in the future. This is the most complete portrayal I’ve seen. Finally, the story has seldom involved this level of detail to many of the supporting characters. The cast is impressive for any film, doubly so for a made for television release with a limited budget.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 11th, 2009
Dateline: Texas. Christmas Eve. Christmas carols are playing on the radio. And even though this is one heck of a hot day, the stores are decked out like the preverbal halls. It’s Christmas time in the city. But this isn’t going to be one of those White Christmas warm and fuzzy eggnog cozying by the fireplace stories. Don’t get me wrong. There’s going to be plenty of roasting by an open fire, but those aren’t chestnuts. Those are people.
An eclectic mix of passengers are boarding a bus in Dallas to travel across the interior of the Lone Star State. They each have their own stories and reasons for taking a six hour bus ride on Christmas Eve. We’re treated to some of them. The most notable is Merideth Cole (Mond). She’s an American soldier who is AWOL during a time of war. That spells desertion, and she has a fed on her tail. Of course, she’s got military training and some mad skills that are going to come in handy before long. The trip has barely begun when a motorcycle gang, known as the Nomads, runs the bus off of the road. The resulting carnage causes the passengers to panic and the Nomads to smell fear…and blood, some of it their own. The gang pursues the bus once again. The bus leaves the highway and ends up at a dead end abandoned wrecking yard. They barricade themselves as best they can while the gang surrounds them and sends for reinforcements. Isolated, the group engages in a state of war with the Nomads. Many of the characters on both sides are simply cannon fodder for the bloodletting. The main characters are straight out of the Hollywood stock character store.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 10th, 2009
It’s always a danger when you have the same person do too many roles in a film. There have been notable exceptions, but the rule proves true enough to be considered an axiom. In this case we have the duet of Hunter Hill and Perry Moore co-directing and co-writing the script. The problem is that neither of them had done either of those things before. Their inexperience takes its toll on a film that had a lot of potential. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a project is to let it go. Unfortunately these two couldn’t give up even a little of that control. In the end you have a movie with a very powerful cast that can’t seem to salvage anything given them by Hill and Moore.
Billy (Garity) is pretty much a loser. We first find him at the hands of a merciless drug dealer, Red (Matthews). It appears that Billy’s girl, Hope (de Matteo) has stolen a rather large shipment of drugs and run. Red assumes Billy must be in on the theft, so now he’s going to kill him if he can’t turn over the drugs or the money they’re worth. Of course, Billy can’t do either, so his only recourse is to escape and find Hope. He does escape in a manner far too clever for this character to have come up with. He grabs Hope’s young son (Ford) and heads to his old hometown. In Lake City, his mother, Maggie (Spacek) is struggling trying to hang on to her home. There’s a development company that wants the land. She’s a bit shocked when Billy and Clayton, the boy, show up at her house. We’re made to understand that a tragedy involving a younger brother has caused a lifelong tension between the two. Billy’s not here for his mother. He’s trying to track down Hope. Unfortunately, Red and his boys show up first, giving Billy a limited time to make the situation good. Billy is also working on staying sober. He meets up with a woman who we are led to believe might have been a childhood crush. Jennifer (Romijn) is now a cop in the small town. Complications arise as Billy tries to deal with the drug situation and his various emotions elicited by his being home again.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 10th, 2009
Have you ever had the feeling that you’ve joined a film somewhere in the middle? That’s how I almost immediately felt about Stiletto. I even went back to the menu to be sure I wasn’t starting the film in progress. No such luck. The script drops you in the middle of these characters’ adventure so that by the time you understand what’s going on, you’ve long given up caring. That means the only other thing you might have gotten this film for is to see some full on kick butt chick action. Unfortunately, the film doesn’t really deliver on that either.
Raina (Katic) was a mobster’s girl. Now she’s out for revenge on the entire organization for a particularly brutal act. One by one she’s taking the crew down, but she fails to kill Virgil (Berenger), the leader of the gang. He survives and decides to send his crooked cop, Beck (Sloan) to stop her before she tries to kill him again. It’s a basic cat and mouse game as she continues to “Raina” down on his gang. Alex (Forsythe) has taken the lady into her confidence, but is just using her himself. No doubt that Stana Katic looks pretty good as she methodically kills her enemies, but there’s really no flair to the performance. She was much better in the latest Bond film. I never saw the hatred and emotion that caused these acts in the first place. She’s pretty matter of fact as she goes about the slayings. The events themselves look staged and never deliver on the promised thrills. William Forsythe looks like the scumbag his character is, but I get the feeling that’s just Forsythe. He’s become quite a clichéd character actor, and we’ve seen him like this a hundred times before. Tom Berenger’s face looks like they puffed it out with prosthetics. At least, I hope it’s makeup. Otherwise, dude’s gotten ugly. He either can’t or refuses to emote more than one emotion the entire picture. Don’t even get me started on the gang that calls itself “Nazis For Jesus”. No one in this cast sets the film on fire. What you end up with are countless action sequences that never seem to get your heart racing. Before long I found myself too catatonic to even turn the thing off.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 5th, 2009
“The dead can hover on the edge of our vision with the density and luminosity of mist. And their claim on the Earth can be as legitimate and tenacious as our own.”
In The Electric Mist is based on one of James Lee Burke’s Detective Robicheaux novels, In The Electric Mist With Confederate Dead. The role was previously played by Alec Baldwin in Heaven’s Prisoners. There couldn’t be any two more diverse actors playing the same role. I have never seen Baldwin’s film, so can’t make an actual comparison, but I suspect that Tommy Lee Jones adds far more depth and a more contemplative nature to the role.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 5th, 2009
Ace Ventura’s back, sort of. It’s a new day. A new cast and crew. A new movie. And, unfortunately, a new Ace Ventura. This is Ace Ventura, Jr. Emphasis is on the junior. Without Jim Carrey, this thing was doomed from the start. Still, if you’re going to do it, I would have hoped that at least some kind of an effort would be in order. Alas, it seems that everyone involved knew this one wasn’t going anywhere so they just decided to have a great time and not worry so much what actually made it on to the film.
Director David Evans is best known for killing the Beethoven franchise with its third and fourth direct to video films. He did the same with the abysmally bad Sandlot 2. Evans is the place where mediocre comedy franchises go to die, or at least end up in direct to video cheap imitations of their former selves. If he had torn himself away from playing with the kids and animals long enough, he might have realized that he was killing yet another franchise. In the previous cases, I’d say he had a shot at 2nd degree murder, or negligent homicide. This time it’s a clear case of premeditation. He needs to be sentenced to life…away from a movie set.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 5th, 2009
The unforgettable Forrest Gump once said: “Stupid is as stupid does”. No better line describes the absolute idiocy of some of the people in The Animal Planet’s Untamed & Uncut series. On the surface it’s an animal show, like all of the network’s wares. But the real show is the actions of many of the humans who find themselves in unfortunate circumstances where their lives are at risk because of an animal encounter.
Case in point: The first story covers a venomous reptile collector who is bitten by a monocled cobra. As a person who has bred and handled reptiles for almost 20 years, I know a little thing or two about the subject. While I don’t breed venomous animals, I have worked with them on a limited basis. I also have many personal friends who are collectors of these snakes. Certainly there is no argument that these animals can be very dangerous. That’s why it requires training and careful attention to detail if you’re going to handle these creatures. Fortunately, the folks I know are extremely careful and treat the animals with a healthy dose of respect. We won’t mention the time I was in a “hot room” working with a dealer I won’t name here, when a pair of young green mambas escaped. We managed to wrangle them without incident, but that’s exactly the kind of thing you don’t want to happen. If you watch the guy in this video, he very casually flips the cobra into an enclosure and casually flops the rubber lid on the cage. He’s surprised when the cobra lunges and tags him on the stomach. The only surprise here is that it hadn’t happened before. If you’re a herper, this guy’s actions will make you cringe. No wonder there are folks out there attempting to regulate a trade that for the most part is made up of far more responsible people. This wasn’t the victim of a vicious animal. This was an idiot who was asking for trouble.
