Posts by Gino Sassani

Gary Gilmore is most known not for the people he killed so much as for the way that he died. As killers go, Gilmore wasn’t even a serial killer by definition. He was responsible for two deaths, both in the commission of a crime. We remember Gilmore mostly because he fought to be executed at a time the United States Supreme Court had stricken down our nation’s death penalty laws in a landmark decision, Furman vs. Georgia. Most people think that decision declared capital punishment as cruel and unusual. What it actually did was declare the procedures for assigning the death penalty as “fundamentally unfair”. At the time Gilmore was apprehended, death penalty laws had been rewritten to comply with the Supreme Court’s concerns and capital punishment was already well on its way to returning to the American justice landscape. States were being cautious and moving slowly. No one wanted to be that first test case so, while the penalty was back on the books, no state was yet willing to wade into the murky waters of actual executions. Then along came Gary Gilmore, who decided he wanted to be executed. His legal maneuverings and successful bid to be executed tolled an ominous sound on death rows across the country. Executions were back in form, and everybody knew who to blame: Gary Gilmore.

 

I often have trouble believing that South Park has been around for as long as it has. It’s not just the passing of 11 years but the sheer brilliance in the face of an increasingly politically correct society. It’s like watching old episodes of All In The Family. Who believes that Archie Bunker would have any chance of survival in the 21st Century? It’s no wonder that Norman Lear has become involved in the series. It’s the last remaining vestige of a once great freedom to be ridiculous and offend. Eric Cartman’s a lot worse than Archie ever was. We always knew that, in his heart, Archie had a soul. Cartman’s a psychopath without a conscience, and in a civilized society we would be terrified of the existence of such a demon spawn…except he’s just so dang funny. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been walking a tightrope for over 11 years now, and it just doesn’t get old.

 

The first season release of Dave’s World is going to upset the show’s fans a bit. Paramount has decided to change the opening theme from Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right” to some jazzy piece that doesn’t come close to saying the same thing. This wasn’t even Joel’s performance of the song we’re talking about on the original. I know that the musical rights issues can be a problem. Shows like WKRP suffered from being loaded with songs and racking up a fortune in royalties for home video release. Most of these shows were aired in the days before anyone even knew there was going to be a home market for these programs. But I still don’t understand this one. It’s the show’s theme song and an important part of the show’s look and feel. We’re not simply replacing incidental music or songs that take up significant portions of the show. I think it was a bad move, and I’d be very curious as to just how much money Paramount saved by replacing the song. Average that number out over the set’s sales figures, then find out if the fans would have been willing to pay the difference.

I was first introduced into the somewhat twisted world of Dave Barry in 1986 when I moved to Florida. The Tampa paper carried his Sunday column, and all I can remember is that it had something to do with dinosaurs on the beach and that I couldn’t stop laughing. For years afterward both my wife and I made the column regular Sunday reading. As years went on other things fill one’s life, and I only occasionally read the material until he disappeared almost completely from the Central Florida scene, keeping more to himself some 250 miles to our south. He’s since spent a lot of time playing in a writer’s band with the likes of Stephen King. So, I was pretty eager when Dave’s World first came to television in 1993. To say I was disappointed wouldn’t exactly be fair. The show was pretty funny, but Harry Anderson was so ingrained in my mind from his Night Court role that I never did accept him as Dave Barry. Once I was able to separate the character from the writer, the show was a little better going for me.

While nowhere does anyone actually say it, Caroline In The City is obviously inspired by/ripped off from the popular newspaper comic strip Cathy. Each episode, for a time anyway, would begin with an animated scene from one of the “Caroline” strips. The topic mostly deals with the pitfalls of being a single New York City girl. From these roots there was an often awkward attempt to create a warm and fuzzy romantic comedy that never seemed to find its own focus, let alone footing. It didn’t help matters that the title character was played by Lea Thompson, best known for her role as Michael J. Fox’s mom in the Back To The Future films. Here as she was there, Thompson is relatively unemoting, a tragic flaw in a romantic character. She’s a good enough actress, but she does appear to be missing charisma in the role. Caroline was joined by her comic strip colorist, Richard, played by Malcolm Gets. Here again we have a pretty reserved actor. Now we’ve got a couple of very low key actors playing a couple where sparks should be flying, and it never works. Most of the laughs, in fact, don’t even come from our leads. Instead Amy Pietz has most of the funny lines as intrusive next door neighbor Annie. Annie’s a cast member in the then huge Broadway production of Cats. She would often barge into the apartment where Caroline and Richard are working/sniping at each other and offer the comic relief in this situation comedy.

 

"Space...The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its 5-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before !"

Paramount was bold indeed when they undertook the remaster project of the original series. Not only did they clean up the prints, but they took the decidedly risky option of redoing most of the f/x shots from the original prints. We all know just how cheesy the old work looked when compared to today’s computer abilities. You could see a box around space craft that allowed the obvious cut-out to maneuver through a cardboard star field. There were often mixups where phaser shots would be used for photon torpedo commands and the opposite. The planets often utilized matte paintings that look somewhat ridiculous now. We forgave these flaws with a complete understanding of the limitations the crew had at the time. While Star Trek showed us computers that were remarkably similar to the PC’s we use today, down to the floppy drives of our own yesteryear, the use of computers to create f/x was still many years away. So Paramount decided to “fix” these “flaws” and make much of the show look like it might have had it been produced today. It was a serious risk because of the extreme possessiveness fans have for these kinds of shows. Just ask George Lucas how much fans like their sci-fi tinkered with. The project encompassed a few years, and the results are quite attractive. But how do they stand up for the fans?

Family Ties is likely remembered most as the series that launched the career of Michael J. Fox. There’s no question that he owes a great debt to Alex Keaton. It’s almost a bit awkward now to watch him as this young, extremely conservative teenager after Fox has spent so much of his life as a liberal poster boy in the last couple of elections. Politics aside, it’s hard not to credit his performances in Family Ties and the Back To The Future films for launching him into a well deserved lucrative career. The Michael J. Fox issue, however, might hide some of the other assets the show had going for it in its time. For one of the first times parents were portrayed as humanly flawed, and families were not the perfectly functional institutions most of these shows described. Up until Family Ties, these households were either perfect little examples of American ideal or they were so dysfunctional that they could hardly be considered families at all. This show obviously went for a bit of realism.

 

The first huge mistake this new film on The Boston Strangler makes is in the casting. If I were to mention to you The Boston Strangler and Bundy in the same sentence, who would you think about for the latter reference? I’d bet most of you would be thinking about Ted, the infamous serial killer finally electrocuted here in sunny Florida a few years back. Unfortunately that’s not who I’m talking about here. It’s none other than Bud Bundy, that hapless young pervert from Married With Children. That’s right, folks. David Faustino plays Albert De Salvo, the suspected killer. He comes across as a completely clueless idiot for the entire film. Of course, the rest of the cast is equally bad. The police department is represented by Timothy Oman as Captain Parker and John Marsden as the lead detective. If these guys are indicative of the way the investigation was handled, it’s no wonder the crime was never solved. They completely sleepwalk through the parts with about as much passion as if they were eating a cheese sandwich. Could they have found two more disinterested actors? The only spark to the film at all is a somewhat dim one in Frank Asarian, the potential “real” killer in the film, played by Kostas Sommer. He’s incredibly stiff and also lacks any life, but he provides some of the film’s miniscule tension moments. Finally, the entire cast suffered from what can only be an intentional exaggeration of the Boston accents. If this wasn’t intended, it is the absolute worst fake accents I’ve ever heard. That coming from a Sarducci fan and someone who has seen a lot of cheap Dracula films. I looked in the credits for the name of the dialog coach and the smartest thing he/she ever did was to waive credit.

 

In the business of reviewing films you will definitely have your ups and downs. This week has absolutely been a downer. It seems that I can’t get a break. There are just too many bad movies out there. When I settled down to view Mama’s Boy there was a little hope. Looking at the cast you see some pretty solid names. Two veteran Godfather film actors in Diane Keaton and Eli Wallach make for a pretty good start. Jeff Daniels might not be the best out there, but he certainly has range playing plenty of fair to good comedic roles and also delivering a stellar performance as Col. Chamberlain in the Civil War hits Gettysburg and Gods And Generals. Anna Faris I remembered fondly from some of the Scary Movie films. The only wild card was Jon Heder, who I only saw once or twice before with mixed results. Anyway, it’s not like one actor out of four can bring a film down that much, right? Think again. Jon Heder is simply awful in a film with an incredibly weak script. What were Keaton, Wallach, and Daniels thinking? Did they read the script?

 

Can you take the dump of death”, or What’s the fastest way to get drunk”. These are the types of questions and answers that make up the Spike TV series Manswers. The idea is that the show answers those pressing questions that you guys out there might have been to afraid to ask. On first look you might get the mistaken idea that this is a copy of A&E’s far superior Mythbusters. On the surface the premise appears the same. Both shows appear to tackle the oddball question and attempt to find the truth behind the BS. Both shows also appear to be targeted to the male members of the audience. Mythbusters uses cool tools and gadetry to prove or debunk the common myths. The guy appeal is obvious, and there’s always a good chance something’s getting blown up. Guys are naturally curious, and we love to see things blow up. Manswers takes the far more pedestrian view of a guy’s interests. Instead of blowing things apart Manswers tries to draw you in with body parts; female body parts, that is. Just about every other segment has something to do with the female breast: “What does shape tell you about how easy she is”, “Can a breast crush a beer can”,  Which float better real or fake”. You get the idea. Now most guys don’t have a lot of trouble with all of this close examination of female anatomy, but the Manswer I want answered is: “Can you go too far?” Turns out the answer is, who could have known, yes.

 

Welcome to Gino’s school of film art. Today I’m going to teach you how to make a modern art film. You know the kind. The type of film that no one really likes, but a lot of folks pretend to like because they think it makes them look cool. Just think how cool you’ll look when you can make one of those pretentious pieces of crap and watch phony critics go on and on about how brilliant it was. Meanwhile you laugh your behind off and cash in on the phony baloney. You might even grab yourself a film festival award, which along with $5 will get you a coffee at Starbucks. Follow these quick and easy steps and pretty soon you’ll be the talk of the town… Tinsel Town, that is. Movie stars. Swimming pools.