DTS HD 5.1 MA (English)

This time it’s a quad of whitewater rafters looking for some high adrenalin action. It doesn’t take long before they’re introduced to our favorite clan of cannibals and their arrows. This one doesn’t waste any time with a setup. You know what that title represents, and the filmmakers decide to give you what you want with no delay. Okay. Actually the raft trip IS the setup here. As the rafters escape into the woods, we just know they’re going to run into those snares and traps. And there you won’t be disappointed. This time a guy gets sectioned into three parts. As Kimberly Caldwell was beside herself in two sections for the second film, I can’t wait to see the setup by the time they get to entries 7 or 8.

The real meat, pun intended, of the film begins in a West Virginia prison compound. There’s about to be a high profile prisoner transferred to another facility. Because they fear his “boys” on the outside, they decide to do the transfer a week early with a U.S. Marshall undercover as one of the moved prisoners. You and I already knew that it’s not the mob guys they needed to concern themselves with. It’s no big spoiler to reveal that the bus doesn’t make it to the next stop. The Clan crashes the bus, and before you can say Deliverance, it’s the cons versus the cannibals with a couple of the good guys in the middle. Sounds like a perfect Wrong Turn sandwich, doesn’t it?

“It’s the end of the world. Society is in chaos. Government’s no longer in control. The world has been devastated by a catastrophic disaster, but you’re still alive. Overnight, you’ve been thrown back into the Stone Age. Modern conveniences are a thing of the past. Would you have the guts to survive? Welcome to the Apocalypse. Over the next 5 days contestants will be put to the ultimate test. These 6 contestants have been thrown together in a devastated wasteland with only the clothes on their backs and the will to survive. Rain or shine, in 5 days only one will be alive.”

At least they got the last part right. That’s the premise of the new reality show Ultimate Survivalist. Reality star Kimberly Caldwell is racing to join the cast of the new pilot. She’s complaining to her agent on the cell phone that she’d rather have some better parts. She should know better than to talk and drive. She runs over a pedestrian. As she stops to check on the unfortunate soul, she soon discovers this is no ordinary pedestrian. He’s one of that lovable cannibal clan from the first Wrong Turn film. Before long Kimberly gets her wish. She ends up in two parts, literally. Make that 5 contestants.

I guess they didn’t tell the producer and director of Wrong Turn that an official remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre would be gracing the screens in October of 2003. This movie borrows very heavily from the horror classic in terms of the setup, the killers, and the level of gore. Now that being said, this is an above average horror film with excellent makeup and special effects delivered by one of Hollywood’s greatest – Stan Winston, and a good performance by Buffy and Angel regular Eliza Dushku (although it is kind of weird seeing her scream and run away from villains that would be considered lightweights in the Buffy and Angel universe).

The film follows the ill-fated decision by the main characters to drive on a seldom used dirt road to avoid a lengthy delay on the interstate. Once they discover that a barbed wire trap laid in the middle of the deserted road has incapacitated their cars, four of the group of six leave the vehicles to find help. Well, you don’t have to think too hard to guess what happens next – our two remaining young people are the first to encounter the chromosomally challenged inbred hillbilly cannibal killers. Enter the first of many Hollywood horror clichés that are used in this film. The second cliché happens upon the viewer quickly thereafter as our remaining four young people come across the dilapidated home of the aforementioned chromosomally challenged inbred hillbilly cannibal killers. They first investigate the shack only to find a collection of various items that have been left by the previous victims of the inbred family, and upon further searching then find the remains of the victims on plates, in jars, and of course in the refrigerator. As this grisly find is made, the hillbilly three return home for an early lunch, while our heroes scramble to hide and not become dessert. Of course they are discovered as they make their escape (cliché #3) and spend the rest of the movie being chased, culminating in a showdown back at hillbilly central.