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There was a new Cowboy in Dallas, and he wasn’t throwing touchdown passes. But Walker was almost gone before he could really get started. After just four episodes the show’s production company suffered financial collapse, and the show was rescued at the last minute by CBS Productions, who would continue to run the show for its nearly decade-long run. For nine years Norris brought us the ultimate Texas Ranger in a formula cops and robbers show. The show often became a parody of itself, but maintained a solid viewer ship throughout. Hell, Norris even sings the theme song. Truthfully, what started as a one man show (it was originally called Chuck Norris Is Walker, Texas Ranger became a good working ensemble that probably kept the train going for so long. Walker (Norris) is a tough guy Texas Ranger. He is partnered with Sydney Cooke (Peebles) and Jimmy Trivetti (Gilyard) who’s an ex-jock with a brain. Walker had a love interest and eventual wife in the local assistant district attorney Alex Cahill (later Walker). Together they fight the evils that come to the high plains of Texas armed with their fists, six-shooters, and Stetsons. After starting with the final season, CBS is finally halfway through the series back from the beginning.

Norris almost deadpans his entire performance. Let’s face it, the man is no accomplished thespian. Still, Norris fans are quite passionate about their guy. There’s a popular tee shirt design that lauds their hero in epic fashion. One of my favorite is : “McGyver can build a plane out of gum and paper clips but Chuck Norris can kill him and take the plane.”  Another brags: “Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajamas”. And there’s the humorous: “Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talkin’ about”. Fans of Norris were never disappointed in what they got here. The requisite martial arts and tough guy talk are present pretty much in every episode. Season five is no exception. You should also note if you’re using an episode guide: this is really season 6, as the first two were combined in the first season release. The series had its share of heartstring episodes, most notably the two part story, Lucas. Here Walker helps a young boy with AIDS find his mother and go on to become an AIDS awareness icon.  There’s another old west tale of Hayes Cooper in Last Of A Breed. Walker entertains some kids with another tale of his legendary forefather. It’s another two part episode and takes place in the old west. If you just want some good old Walker butt kicking, you won’t have to wander far. Walker kicks butt to protect some orphan kids in Small Blessings. In Warriors, Walker goes up against a group attempting to build genetically altered “super soldiers”. The season ends on a powerful cliffhanger. In The Wedding, Alex is shot and clinging to life while Walker sets out to find the shooter. That brings to mind one more of those Norrisisms: “Chuck Norris’s chief export is pain”. Ouch!

Spoof movies have been wearing on me for the last few years. Complete travesties such as Date Movie & Epic Movie have soured my look on a favorite genre of mine. Where were the Mel Brooks classics or the Scary Movie series that I remember so well? Smart comedy and well done jokes about movies we have come to love. So, I'll admit when I saw the Comebacks on DVD, all I could see was red and think the torture that was Epic Movie. I wanted to believe it could be as smart and zany as Blazing Saddles or at least in the same league as Scary Movie 3 or 4. I would hope that director Tom Brady would restore my faith in this once awesome genre.

Freddie Wiseman (played by Carl Weathers) visits the long forgotten Lambeau Fields (played by David Koechner), a coach whose only attribute is losing when it counts. Freddie convinces Lambeau to coach the Heartland State football team. Once Lambeau gets there, he struggles to put together a winning team. The team consists of various characters and stereotypes such as Trotter (played by Jackie Long) the pompous Terrell Owens wannabe, Lance Truman (played by Matthew Lawrence), the baseball pitcher turned quarterback, and Jizminder Featherfoot (played by Noureen DeWulf), the female kicker who should be in Bend It Like Beckham.

It's not that video game movies are bad because they are based on video games -- things that are usually void of character development and plot in favor of cheap thrills -- it's just that they've mostly been handled by hacks, from the director down to the caterer. This usually makes the movie about as tedious as the filmed vignettes you're forced to watch in between the video game's levels.

Hitman is the newest example of a video game movie, although by the time you read this review, chances are there's another video game movie out in theaters. Uwe Boll seems to crap out about a half dozen of these things each year. Anyway, Hitman does little to advance the fate of video game movies, due to bland characterization and a murky yet simple plot. That said, it's a visual feast of bullets, blood and Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace). But that's about the only thing Hitman has going for it.

<>Imagine waking up one morning to find a newspaper on your front porch. Here in Tampa, the fact that the paper is actually on your front porch is miracle enough. Imagine further that this ordinary looking paper isn’t today’s paper at all, but rather tomorrow’s edition. If you could trust that what you held was the genuine article, so to speak, just think of the possibilities. For most of us our thoughts turn to the myriad ways in which we could enrich ourselves: sports scores, lottery numbers, even stock tips.<> If, however, you’re less selfish, there is an equally endless number of ways in which you could help your fellow man, or woman as the case may be. You would have advance knowledge of tragic accidents, crimes, and other unfortunate events about to befall your fellow human travelers. That’s the essence of Early Edition.

 

Resurrecting The Champ claims to be “inspired” by a true story written by J.R. Moehringer for the Los Angeles Times Magazine. I’m not very well versed in the original story, so I won’t bore you with any attempt to justify the film against actual events. I only hope that the real Moehringer wasn’t a tenth the idiot that Erik is in this film. Perhaps so close on the heels of the Tomase Spygate fiasco it’s not as hard to believe that a reporter could be this gullible.

 

Because I was fairly certain I would be asked to review this second season of Jericho, I did not watch any of the episodes as they aired. With the writer’s strike many shows were going through problems, and I guess I wanted to see how it all shook loose. So, I watched very little of anything from the networks for fear of being stranded in the middle of a compelling story. Now, before the Jericho fans out there devise any plans to have me roasted along with their next batch of nuts, let me assure you I am not a monitored watcher and participated in no survey. They tend to shy away from us critic types. Something about the deodorant we tend to wear, I think. So I had nothing to do with the ultimate demise of your show; in fact, I’ve become a fan.

 

So I find out I’m going to review a film called Meerkat Manor. My research tells me it’s actually a television show on Animal Planet, but I still didn’t know much. Was this some kind of animal version of The Tudors? And what exactly is a meerkat, anyway? The answer to all of these questions arrived one sunny morning via UPS on my front door. I yawned my way to the door and picked up the nondescript package that fell over with a flop as I opened my home to the bright Florida sunshine. “What’s this?” I asked myself. What wonderful adventure would I embark on only to relay the details of my trip to you, the readers of upcomingdiscs.com. I tore open the package and suddenly I was face to face with a real honest to goodness meerkat. Turns out that meerkats are a kind of mongoose that live in the Kalahari in Africa. They have this creepy habit of standing on their hind legs and hanging out. It was a lot like my old neighborhood corner where I grew up. They look like hoods. They watch you with those beady little eyes, all the while looking like they’re trying to figure out who’s got the legs for the third race this afternoon. And I was about to spend some quality time with the meerkats of the hood… I mean manor.

 

The voices aren’t the same. The animation has lost that classic charm. The story is completely contrived. What remains is a dim reflection of a few beloved characters from a bygone year of vintage Disney magic. This sequel of the classic Disney telling of Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book looks more like a direct to video knockoff. I was actually quite amazed to note the film did have a box office run.

The time was that following the death of a good king, England was left without a clear heir to the throne. During the time without a king, England had descended into dark times. Suddenly as if through divine intervention a sword appeared in an anvil of stone. An inscription decreed that whosoever could remove the sword would become king. Think you’ve heard the story before? Well, of course you have. It is none other than the story of King Arthur. Most of us have heard the many stories. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone that Walt Disney himself was quite taken with the tale. When you consider it it’s about as natural a fit as one can find. Disney’s early works were replete with tales of seemingly ordinary people with extraordinary destinies. From Sleeping Beauty to Cinderella, Walt had put his own touch to many such tales.

 

It’s nice when a movie lives up to its expectations and even surpasses them because it rarely seems to happen anymore. Such is the case with Anton Corbijn’s Ian Curtis bio-pic, Control.

I’ve been waiting to see Control for a long time. From the start, the film sounded interesting, since I am a huge fan of post-punk alternative rock music, the genre that Ian Curtis and Joy Division practically invented in the late 1970’s. But when I heard that long-time band collaborator and renowned music video director Anton Corbijn was directing the film, my anticipation rose to even higher levels.