Horror

"I guess if this is the first you're hearing about it, I know how this must all sound."

Unless you've been in a coma like the lead character of The Walking Dead, you've been hearing a lot about this AMC television series of late. It's no wonder. I'm amazed that it's taken so long to see a zombie television series. The show has incredible visuals. There's a courtyard scene at the beginning of the pilot that is as impressive as anything you've seen in a movie. And when a character has to shoot a 6-year-old girl in the head, you understand instantly that this is going to be something unique.

“It's worse than I thought, but it's even worse upstairs… It’s dangerous. Do not go there.”

Uruguayan director Gustavo Hernández claims to have shot the first 78 minutes of The Silent House in one continuous unbroken take. Personally, I don’t believe that to be true, as there are plenty of times the camera goes to black passing furniture or into shadows which could hide a cut, but he does pull off the illusion with some incredibly long uninterrupted shots, and that is very impressive indeed.

One of the best highlights of the 6th season include an episode where the boys get shoved into a reality where they are two actors playing in a television series called Supernatural. Yeah, they did it in Eerie Indiana, but it works just the same here. For so many fans the show has built an enormous reality of its own. This one just gives fans a chance to look at their own world for a few minutes through the eyes of Supernatural.

If you are a fan of the original Kolchak: The Night Stalker, you were more than likely disappointed in the remake a couple of years ago on ABC. Your hope is now once again restored. Supernatural is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to The Night Stalker. Like Kolchak, the Winchester brothers are faced with weekly incarnations of evil. They’re forced to research these legends and figure out a way to stop them. As Kolchak discovered, it’s a thankless job. Sure, Supernatural is populated with all sorts of beasties and nasties, but it also manages to hold on to a sense of humor that rounds out these adventures to make this one of the most entertaining shows around. When UPN and WB merged, I was a little worried about Supernatural. You do the math (that was another review). Two networks worth of shows, one network worth of programming time. Half of the shows needed to vanish, and I was concerned Supernatural would be one, if history of respect for genre shows was any indication. Fortunately for us the show has not only survived, but it has thrived, looking to be around for quite a while yet.

“There's something I've been dying to ask you. What's in the basket?”

If you are not familiar with Writer/Director Frank Henenlotter’s earliest full length feature, Basket Case, you’ve missed a grindhouse style, exploitation cult classic. It was shot on a shoestring budget, features non-professional actors, cheap special effects, and a script straight out of the fever dreams of a madman. In short, it is brilliant.

"You cannot run from a vampire."

The grindhouses may be long gone, but their memory lingers on, thanks to releases like this one, which, being released in 1993, is from the twilight years of theatrical exploitation, and thus more accurately from the second, virtual life the grindhouse aesthetic found on home video. This is the life of Jeffrey Dahmer, narrated in retrospect by the serial killer (screenwriter Carl Crew). Dahmer recounts his obsessions and growing need to kill, and a fair bit of the film’s running time consists of Dahmer hooking up with young men and murdering them.

The film has, then, a very episodic structure, with very little clear narrative progression. Text on the screen fills us in as to dates and locations, and that is about it. The insights into the mind of a serial killer are of the most obvious kind. There is a bit of restraint present when it comes to the killings, in that there could have been a lot more gore, but they are certainly unpleasant, and I don’t necessarily mean that it a good way. No, they shouldn’t be fun, but the endless parade of murders becomes the film’s reason for being, and the lack of any connection between the audience and the victims is a problem. Given how recent the killings were when the film was made and released, it’s not too surprising that the victims’ families were a little upset. So this is an exploitation film in the purest sense, and interesting for that reason, and rather off-putting for the same reason.

This is normally where I would summarize the plot of the film. I could tell you that this is the story of three friends in a woodland cabin who must fight monsters spawned by the wife of one of them. But that would be misleading. What the story is really about is two, sometimes three, guys sitting around and drinking beer. Later they switch to whiskey. And then there’s this one dude who puts a cockroach in the other dude’s sandwich...

As I’m hoping you will have realized from the above, this is no ordinary movie. In his excellent They Came From Within: A History of Canadian Horror Cinema, Caelum Vatnsdal argues that Things holds the title of Worst Canadian Horror Film Ever Made, and it’s really, really hard to believe that there could possibly be another contender. Badfilm connoisseurs, this release is manna from Heaven. This is a film that would embarrass Ed Wood. Tommy Wiseau would weep with despair over the future of cinema. Doris Wishman would beg to take over the camera and sound duties, just so such a thing could never happen again. I could go on.

"Welcome, Little Piggies, to The Task."

"You are now under quarantine."

"We are looking at an unexplained phenomenon. It appears to be a partially preserved severed head, maybe of a deformed person or a wild animal. Perhaps the metal base contained some sort of preservative presently unknown to us."