Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on July 7th, 2009
“Believe me, that weren’t no shark.”
Sea Beast began life with the title Troglodyte, but I’m not sure what that had to do with anything on this movie. Perhaps someone just thought it was a clever name, but realizing they didn’t have a clever film to go with it, they decided on the more mundane Sea Beast. Whatever the reason and whatever the title, nothing can change the fact that this is one really bad horror film.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on July 6th, 2009
“Out here the rules are different.”
Corporate retreats have come a long way from the closed door seminars where you’re asked to fall backwards and trust your colleagues to catch you. Well… the backwards part still applies, but here that describes the locals at the isolated camp where 8 hapless video game company executives are planning a weekend of paintball and bonding. These locals are straight out of Deliverance. (Insert your favorite banjo lick here.)
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on May 27th, 2009
Infected is one of those many made for television films that appear on the Sci-Fi, I mean Sy-Fy Channel almost weekly, I mean weakly. Most of them are relatively low budget affairs that utilize very low grade CG f/x and often actors that haven’t been getting a lot of steady work in the legitimate world. It amazes me, actually. How can a network dedicated to science fiction consistently produce some of the worst movies in the genre?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on May 2nd, 2009
In writing a review of this shameless Da Vinci Code cash-in project (the tag line on the cover even trumpets “Only one can shatter the code”!), it would be easy to fall back on easy comparisons to the Dan Brown books, or the Indiana Jones movies, or even Tomb Raider. That, however, would be predictable and, considering how obvious such comparisons are, has probably been done many times over by other reviewers. For this reason, I have decided that for this review, I will focus on the things I discovered by watching The Last Templar. After all, a three-hour epic mini-series brimming with historical perspective and exotic locales is bound to leave some sort of impression. So here goes:
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on April 20th, 2009
Writing or directing a fighting movie is kinda like booking a wrestling card. In theory, you need to create a strong but flawed babyface who is fighting for a cause or fallen friend. The antagonist or main heel is usually completely evil and has the face of being completely untouchable. But in order to build up this reputation, he must also go through some minor good guys to get over his image.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on April 13th, 2009
Bradford May, oh Bradford May. I have a good history of watching movies directed by Mr. May from a couple of Darkman sequels to the more recent Ring of Death. His style is pure popcorn and an attitude of leave your brain cells by the door. It is only fitting that I was interested in seeing another flick with his name on it. This one was called Mask of the Ninja. Right away, it sounded like a classic Bradford May movie. However, after watching it, I realized that Bradford had broken some laws in his production. He had broken the sacred five rules of portraying a ninja.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on February 19th, 2009
Made-for-TV crapper Depth Charge, a new action film starring Jason Gedrick and that B-movie slut brother of Julia Eric Roberts, hits DVD with a bare bones release you will welcome, if by chance, you happen to work for Upcoming Discs and want to get your next bad movie project over with as quickly as possible.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on February 17th, 2009
Daniel’s Daughter comes to DVD with star Laura Leighton back in the spotlight. Unfortunately, it’s a pretty dim spotlight. Fans of Melrose Place may be happy to see her, but that happiness will be short-lived when they also realize what a flat-lined EKG her film turns out to be.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 4th, 2009
Meerkat Manor is back for a fourth season on DVD. You’re invited back into the South African desert with the famous Whiskers Clan. Animal Planet has themselves a relatively big hit here with Meerkat Manor. OK, so, it’s not exactly The Sopranos or The Shield, but it does have a modestly dedicated audience. Seems that folks just can’t get enough of these fur balls.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on January 28th, 2009
The Great Polar Bear Adventure is indoctrination pure and simple. Disguised as a warm and fuzzy nature show in the realm of Meerkat Manor and its like, this film has really only one theme.: Humans are very bad creatures, for the most part. It follows the plight of a family of polar bears who can no longer find the frozen ice river floes that provide them with tasty seal meat. The reason, of course, is what the bears call the two legs.
