The Reel World

“First, I will take your life, my lord, then I will take your throne.”

Is it wrong for me to watch Snow White and the Huntsman and root for the evil queen? How about disagreeing with the magic mirror on the wall about Snow White (Kristen Stewart) being the fairest of them all, when Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is absolutely ravishing? I’m sorry, Twihards, but Stewart isn’t even in the ballpark compared to Theron’s stunning beauty, not to mention acting chops. How do I reconcile these feelings with the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed this gothed-up version of the beloved and culturally ubiquitous Snow White fairy tale? With Mirror Mirror in the theaters earlier this year and the new hit series Once Upon a Time, as well as the direct to video Snow White: A Deadly Summer (with Marcia Brady as the evil stepmother which I had the great misfortune to review) perhaps Snow White fatigue is setting in a bit, but this is my personal favorite take on the story since Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Warning, some minor spoilers ahead!

"I promise you the secrets of the universe, nothing more..."

It's been an astonishing 15 years since Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones first teamed up as Agents J and K respectively for the intergalactic police force Men In Black. The film was like a breath of fresh air. It combined top flight science fiction fantasy with whimsical humor. It was a hit at the box office, and like most wonderfully original hits it was quickly followed by a sequel that had almost none of the cleverness and freshness of the original film. The film was so unmemorable that I sat with other critics getting ready to see Men In Black 3 and none of us could actually remember what the second film was even about. Years went by and most of us put the franchise in our rearview mirror.

“Aside from the sketchy van situation, if you promise that the tour is safe, I think it could be kinda cool.”

Chernobyl Diaries… so many bad choices to make and so little time. Imagine we are clueless Americans abroad in the Ukraine, so instead of visiting the major metropolitan areas, why not go on a tour of the Pripyat, the ghost town evacuated due to the Chernobyl nuclear power plant meltdown in 1987? Nothing says vacation more than exploring the scene of the worst nuclear disaster in history.

“My dad said they’d come, said it my whole life. He said one day we’ll find them or they’d find us. Know what else he said? He said, ‘Hope I’m not around when that day comes.’”

Director Peter Berg kneels at the altar of Michael Bay and lovingly creates a clone of his most bombastic, military-fetish, slo-mo obsessed, whiplash-cut-driven movies with Battleship, based on the Hasbro (the same company behind the Transformers movies and yes, it definitely shows) board game of the same name. In fact, it kind of feels like the Sea Monkey version of Transformers, just add water and watch the mech monsters grow before your eyes.

There's obviously nothing funny about the atrocities committed by some of history's most notorious tyrants. So why have these men proven to be such a surprisingly fertile source of comedy? Whether it's (Puppet) Kim Jong-il crooning forlornly about being lonely (actually "ronery") in Team America: World Police or Adolf Hitler being saluted by a chorus line of high-stepping stormtroopers in The Producers, there's certainly a precedent for mocking these reviled figures. With The Dictator, Sacha Baron Cohen appears to be taking his patented inappropriateness to a new level.

Cohen — the English actor, comedian and professional provocateur — stars as Admiral General Haffaz Aladeen, ruler of the oil-rich and fictitious Republic of Wadiya. (Muammar Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein are clearly major influences.) The trick to making this sort of (potentially-abhorrent) comedy seems to be focusing on the outrageous personalities of these tyrants, rather than all the horrible things they've done. As a result, Aladeen is racist, sexist and too many other negative "-ists" to list, but the movie portrays him as a bearded buffoon who isn't even remotely dangerous. (Though try telling that to the dozens of people Aladeen orders to be executed over trivial offenses.) When he is summoned by the United Nations to address concerns about his country's nuclear program, Aladeen travels to New York, where he embarks on a life-changing journey involving a boyish feminist (Anna Faris), a severed head and a few celebrity cameos.

"They say blood is thicker than water...my name is Barnabas Collins."

In the late 1960's and early 1970's Dark Shadows dominated the mid-day television landscape. I remember wanting to rush home from school each day to catch the horror soap opera. The daytime series had a little bit of something for everyone. There were the typical soap opera conventions for the mellow-dramatic housewives and other serious themes for the adults. But there were some wonderfully exotic fantastic elements that appealed to the kids. The show broke soap opera convention in that it ran only a half hour, perfect for our short attention spans after a day at school. It's no wonder that the show has endured in our pop culture 40 years after it left the television airwaves.

"People might just need a little old fashioned."

It goes back to the 1960's and 1970's, considered by many to be the Second Golden Age of Comics. That's when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby joined forces to make Marvel the dominating face in comic books. They did it by making their heroes people we could identify with. These superheroes were often flawed and in conflict with themselves and each other. But they still always got the bad guy and saved the day. I was one of those kids. Comics were a huge part of my life, and they delivered excitement and escapism long before there were video games and home theaters. It's been a long time since I've felt that kind of excitement. For two and a half hours, The Avengers made me feel like that all over again. This review isn't being written by the adult who usually writes in these pages. Today I'm a 15-year-old boy who isn't thinking about bad economies or cutthroat politics. Today I'm just smiling, and Joss Whedon and The Avengers is the reason.

“What cannot be disputed is your imagination is the inspiration of a horrendous crime.”

The Raven may not be a turkey, but it doesn’t really  soar either. Director James McTeigue (V for Vendetta) attempts to fashion a historical fiction around the mysterious final five days of Edgar Allen Poe’s life. A notorious drunk and opium addict, Poe (John Cusack) careens through 19^th century Baltimore dead broke, bitter from years of writers block, and harassed by the locals for being a blustering has-been. Due to a distinct lack of social sympathy, he can’t even borrow money for a single drink, which forces him into an involuntary sobriety. At the same time, a rash of murders inspired from the pages of his darkest fiction terrorize the city, and he is called in by Detective Fields (Luke Evans) to assist in the investigation.

More than any other genre — except maybe "M. Night Shyamalan movies" — romantic comedies really take a beating. We've all heard the complaints: "They're safe." "They're predictable." "The apartments are unrealistically amazing." "They all star Jennifer Aniston or Katherine Heigl." Of course, these complaints also double as the reasons why lots of people love them. (Ok, maybe not so much the part about Aniston and Heigl.) Either way, I think we can all agree that rom-coms as a whole could benefit from some sort of fresh twist or wrinkle. Think Like a Man, despite the efforts of a likable cast, is not here to provide that freshness.

In fact, the sweaty indoor gym where the male characters routinely meet to play basketball probably gives off a fresher smell than this movie. Unfortunately, this was obvious from the instant the movie started. (I wish there had been a place where I could bet the movie would kick off with James Brown's "It's a Man's Man's Man's World." I could've made some easy cash.)

"You've got to control your fear."

It appears that Greek mythology has become the fodder for a ton of movies of late. From young adult films to the hardcore action movies, audiences are getting their fill of the familiar gods and beasts from mythology lore. Some are calling it a trend or hot phase, like vampires and robots. Whatever it is, it isn't a phase, and it isn't merely passing through.