Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by Archive Authors on October 20th, 2010
*Walks slowly through Raven Hill Cemetery* Oh! Well hello there! I didn't know I would have company way out here. Hmm? Oh that's Abercrombie, he is just a hermit who hangs out here. He is mostly harmless. Here, have a seat, and have some Zombie Juice. Well, since you are here, I suppose I can share this movie review with you tonight. Fresh from the crypt we have a movie called Fragile. How fitting is it that we are in a graveyard full of skeletons when this movie stars Calista Flockhart? Har har. Bad joke? Who said I was joking? There she is hanging out by that tomb... -Calista waves- Huddle up by this fire here, and I will spin my tale. Ghoul Ribs anyone?
Welcome to Mercy Falls Children's Hospital. Meet Susan (Susie Trayling), a night nurse at the hospital. She is listening to the TV talk about a bad train wreck, while she appears to be packing up some boxes. When she turns around, there is Maggie (Yasmin Murphy) standing there and she looks quite frightened. Maggie tells her that "she" is coming, and that she can feel her coming. Susan tells her that they won't be talking about that anymore and sends her back to bed. Maggie reluctantly goes back to bed, in a room with other kids. A glass on her night stand starts to shake and a boy in the next bed wakes up screaming. Next you see Susan and Robert (Richard Roxburgh) rushing the boy on a stretcher to an X-Ray room. Robert asks the boy what happened, and he says he doesn't know. They take one X-Ray, and there is a bad fracture to his leg. Robert and Susan discuss what happened, and Susan doesn't know either. They go to take a second X-Ray, and just as they hit the button, the boy turns and screams. A second fracture appears.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 19th, 2010
Two friends – Marie and Alexia– head out to the country home of the latter’s parents. In the middle of the night, a killer breaks in, slaughters the family, and makes Alexia his prisoner. Marie is locked in a battle to save her friend and not become a victim herself.
Of such simple storylines are horror classics made. Leave it to the French, who, after all, invented the horror movie, to pump such gloriously bloody life back into the cinema of atrocity. After an early bit of extreme nastiness in the opening minutes of the film, the movie gets down to serious terror and atrocity barely a quarter of an hour in, and from that point on never lets up. The murders are extremely gory and among the most brutal of recent memory. The suspense will leave viewers clawing their flesh until they bleed. The resolution won’t satisfy everyone, but on balance, it worked for me. We have recently been deluged with so many films that either remake or ape the hardcore masterpieces of the 1970s, but here, at last, is the true inheritor of the mantle of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Last House on the Left. It doesn’t try to recreate their vibe. It simply applies their lesson: assault the audience without pity. This is one brutalized audience member who is profoundly grateful. Forget Saw. It’s The Brady Bunch next to this.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by Archive Authors on October 17th, 2010
Hellllllllllo there kiddies. It is I, Mistress Noms, here yet again on this very dark and dreary night to bring you yet another scary movie review. Hopefully we can do better than the Blair Witch Project this time, hmm? Let us see shall we? Oh Corpsemuncher?! Would you be a nice little gremlin and bring me a DVD from the pile? Ahhh, thank you deary, here is your snack, now run along before I take that rat off of you and use him for my potions. What do we have here... The Tomb! -plays a sound bit of a woman screaming- Okay, well, what is this? Ahhh screener copies, how I loathe thee! But not as much as I loathe making my captive audience wait! On with the show! -hands out popcorn balls and lollipops-
A little girl comes running into a castle only to watch the last minute of her mother's life, where she is told that a disease will kill her as a result of a gift she has. Her mother hands her a necklace, and she dies. But wha... what is that? That is the little girl watching as a mist come out of her mother, and leaves out the window. FAST FORWARD! Meet Jonathan (Wes Bentley) who is giving a lecture at a university. After he calls an end to it, Len (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) approaches him to talk. But Johnny boy here is too fascinated by this dark haired chick that he keeps seeing in his lectures (She would definitely distract me). They talk for a moment, and Jonathan finds out that her name is Ligeia (Sofya Skya) and that she is a grad. They leave, and Jonathan runs to catch up with Ligeia, where she hits on him in a VERY obvious kinda way even though he tells her he is engaged, and gives him her business card.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 13th, 2010
Written by Diane Tillis
Considered by many to be the first televised miniseries, Rich Man, Poor Man became a television ‘event’ in the late 1970s and opened the doorway for other miniseries to follow. A&E and NBC Universal restored and compiled the two-part, thirty-four episode long show on DVD format in this one-of-a-kind collection. It was difficult for me to grasp the importance of this show just by watching it because I wasn’t born until the late 80’s. I decided to surf the internet to gain insight on a true fan’s response to the show and their impression of this collection. It was not hard to discover that the fans of Rich Man, Poor Man have been waiting with bated breath for the show to be released on DVD.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 13th, 2010
Good Eeeeevening, Mistress Noms here with a spooky review to add to the “31 Nights of Terror” countdown we have going here in the dungeon of Upcomingdiscs.com! -digs into her bag of tricks (provided by the head dungeon master of Upcomingdiscs.com)- What do we have here, what do we have here... A Blu-ray copy of The Blair Witch Project!? This is the scariest thing you could come up with? Oyie! Perhaps it is true what they say... Terror can come in many forms... including a really terrible movie! Grab your choice of poison and hop into my hearse (Sure... I have some... candy... around here somewhere...) we are going for a ride! -drives off in a fit of madness, cackling out her window-
I remember when the Blair Witch Project first came out. There was all this fuss about how it was a REAL documentary, all the footage was REAL, and how three film students REALLY went missing. Ha, how naive some people can be! There was even a special on Sci-Fi making it seem all real and mysterious! Oooooo Spooky! Not really, but let's just pretend for a while, shall we? And like anything else, things were leaked onto the interwebs, and people got to talking. The actors showed up on some special on MTV (Possibly it was on that “news” thing they do on there, it was a while ago) and bam, killed a good promotion they had going. Too bad too, I wanted to see it in theaters before they revealed it was indeed just a movie.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 11th, 2010
In the opening scenes of Gunless, a horse trots into what appears to be a tiny western town. Atop the horse is an unconscious man, slumped backwards in the saddle with a noose around his neck attached to a large tree branch that drags along behind them. An iconic Western opening if ever there was one. Reminiscent of Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter or Hang ‘em High. However, things soon begin to stray from formula when we realize that this tiny town is actually in "The Dominion of Canada" and the man turns out to be the Montana Kid, a notorious American gunfighter.
The ‘Kid’ is soon helped out by a polite bunch of Canadians, and before you can say “American stereotype” he has tried to start a gunfight with the kind local blacksmith. The reason? Why, the blacksmith had the gall to shoe the Kid’s horse. Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you are the blacksmith) he has no gun and therefore, according to the code of the West, can’t be shot. The solution? Why, the Kid will get the blacksmith a gun. But since this is Canada, there are no guns in the area, except for a broken antique owned by the local Brit-accented hottie widow.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 8th, 2010
Open Water:
An over-worked couple (Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis) whose marriage, while not in danger, has clearly reached some difficult shoals, head off on a diving vacation. A mix-up (which is disturbingly credible) results in the tour ship leaving them behind. Stuck in the middle of the ocean, they float together, hoping against hope for rescue, growing cold and hungry. And then there is the marine life. Like stinging jellyfish. And sharks…
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 4th, 2010
Eddie Murphy was at his best when he did Saturday Night Live and his own stand up comedy. I would even say that some of his earlier films were okay. He is far better when given the opportunity to be himself, and improvise a little. I miss the days of Delirious and Saturday Night Live. Now at most we get Dr. Dolittle and Shrek. I miss the vulgar side. So let's take a trip down memory lane, and have a few laughs.
We interrupt this review to bring you this special report. Good evening, Teh Noms reporting, we have just received word that Buckwheat has been shot. Brought to you by Texxon, Life goes on, and Texxon is there. *cough* You have to have this set of sketches in order for this to be a "Best of". It goes on and on and on... With them showing the video of Buckwheat being shot at least 10 times. It doesn't start to get funny till the 4th or 5th time of seeing the video. The funniest thing is how they repeat the lines. Heeelarious.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 3rd, 2010
Written by Diane Tillis
Paranormal State is a paranormal reality documentary television series that premiered on the A&E network in 2007. The series follows a group of students from Pennsylvania State University who formed the Paranormal Research Society (PRS) under the guidance of leader Ryan Buell. The students travel across the country investigating instances of paranormal activity at the behest of people looking for answers.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on September 30th, 2010
When I was asked to review this DVD, a smile came across my face. I loved Adam Sandler skits on Saturday Night Live. I was also a fan of some of his earlier movies like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore (Though I can't say I am a fan of Eight Crazy Nights, but everyone has at least one film that they wonder why the person did it later on). I still quote lines from these movies. Yeah, say what you want about that... I still find it and him funny. Go grab a Snack Pack and sit down with me to review The Best of Adam Sandler!
Cough Ok so you pick up the DVD and do what most people do... Turn it around to view the back. A list of twenty sketches stares you in the face, but what is that? Opera Man is listed four times? Apparently they needed to fill the back of the case. That said, you will see quite a bit of Opera Man. It is one of the best characters he had on the show, and probably the one he played the most often. I think the best part is when he is in the middle of singing, he cracks a smile, and tries not to laugh at what he is singing about. The best comedy is the stuff that the comics performing also find funny.
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