Hellllllllllo there kiddies. It is I, Mistress Noms, here yet again on this very dark and dreary night to bring you yet another scary movie review. Hopefully we can do better than the Blair Witch Project this time, hmm? Let us see shall we? Oh Corpsemuncher?! Would you be a nice little gremlin and bring me a DVD from the pile? Ahhh, thank you deary, here is your snack, now run along before I take that rat off of you and use him for my potions. What do we have here… The Tomb! -plays a sound bit of a woman screaming- Okay, well, what is this? Ahhh screener copies, how I loathe thee! But not as much as I loathe making my captive audience wait! On with the show! -hands out popcorn balls and lollipops-
A little girl comes running into a castle only to watch the last minute of her mother’s life, where she is told that a disease will kill her as a result of a gift she has. Her mother hands her a necklace, and she dies. But wha… what is that? That is the little girl watching as a mist come out of her mother, and leaves out the window. FAST FORWARD! Meet Jonathan (Wes Bentley) who is giving a lecture at a university. After he calls an end to it, Len (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) approaches him to talk. But Johnny boy here is too fascinated by this dark haired chick that he keeps seeing in his lectures (She would definitely distract me). They talk for a moment, and Jonathan finds out that her name is Ligeia (Sofya Skya) and that she is a grad. They leave, and Jonathan runs to catch up with Ligeia, where she hits on him in a VERY obvious kinda way even though he tells her he is engaged, and gives him her business card.
Hahahahahaha! Aren’t we so funny sitting around a table laughing? At what? I don’t know! Let’s just make it look like we are having a great time! Jonathan is sitting at a dinner table in a restaurant with his fiancée Rowena (Kaitlin Doubleday) and her very drunk father, George (Michael Madsen). They chat for a few about how wealthy Jonathan is, and George thanks him for paying for the wedding. End scene, and here we have a homeless man/junkie in an alley, shooting up, then BAM! Being choked and drug away. Into the campus medical lab we go, and Eddie (Joel Lewis) walks in to assist Ligeia with the dead body he brought her. She puts an odd face mask like thing on the body, then a tube, says a chant, and out comes a wispy thing similar to what came out of the mother in the beginning of the movie. But Len is creeping his way in, Eddie hides in the shadows, and she hides the tube behind her back. Ligeia and Len argue (they apparently had naughty time in the past so she could get her funding) and he says he is gonna cut her funding. He leaves and she collapses into Eddie’s arms, and we find out she is sick! Dun dun dun!
Next scene is Jonathan and Ligeia at her place drinking Absinthe. They discuss a little about macabre, and they take turns looking into what she calls her “Soul Mirror”. (Because anyone after drinking Absinthe wants to go stare into some freaky mirror) End scene and onto a party being held at a faculty building on campus. Len is there and a little tipsy (Got to be an awesome party if Shang Tsung shows up! Heeeeeyah! FATALITY! -cough-), so is Jonathan and Rowena, and who is that? Ligeia making her presence known (Not like it was hard in the very “nice” dress she wore) to the trio. Rowena seems a little a back since Ligeia claims to have heard all about her, but she has never heard of Ligeia. They have a few words when Jonathan goes to get them drinks, and they part ways.
Rowena admits she is jealous, and Jonathan tells her he won’t talk to her again. Meanwhile, Ligeia is out on the balcony with Len trying to get him to change his mind about revoking her funding. He is not hip to her schmooooooozing this time, and she sticks him with a needle in the neck. A minute later we see red, what the… is going on here? Jonathan and Rowena stop dancing and turn to Len who comes walking in with bloody eyes. He collapses on the floor and in come paramedics. Jonathan wants to go to the hospital so Rowena goes home, but the paramedics won’t let him ride with him, and guess who is there to give him a “ride”?
I do not care for screener copies. There is no cover art to look at, and most of all, no description on the back of the box to at least give me a hint at what I am getting myself into. Just some lonely black print on a plain white disc, shoved into a paper sleeve. And me personally, the thing I REALLY love about screeners, is having to stare at text across the bottom of the picture, making sure that every second of the movie, I know who put out this film. Just so there are no questions about that later on. That just makes my day. (You got that heavy bit of sarcasm? Good! You are learning) Ho hum.
But anyways, the movie in my opinion, would be worth a rental or a click on Netflix. The plot is interesting, the setting of a good portion of the film is outstanding, and although the acting could’ve been better, it wasn’t absolutely terrible. It is not filled with excessive amounts of gore or unnecessary twists that leave you just scratching your head like most movies these days, it is just a decent little movie. Go ahead and give it a whirl, you might be pleasantly surprised. -throws the screener copy into the wall and chuckles as it shatters- Ohhhh Corpsemuncher!? Please go clean that up for your master. What? No, of course -I- didn’t make that mess, you did! Now get to cleaning before I put you back on the rack! -cough- Goblins these days! Till next time kiddies…