Posts by Gino Sassani

“A dog has no use for fancy cars, or big houses, or designer clothes. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give ‘em your heart and he’ll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?”

In the name of full disclosure, I should probably give you a little background in the circumstances in which I find myself watching and reviewing Marley & Me. If you’re a regular reader of this site and my reviews, you have come to learn that I have a Siberian Husky named Athena. You’ve come to know this because I have, from time to time, allowed her to “review” many of the various dog films that have come my way for this site. You also know that Athena retired recently with her review of Walt Disney’s Bolt. What you don’t know is the reason behind the retirement. About three weeks ago, Athena was diagnosed with bone cancer in her front left shoulder. At 14 years old, there really isn’t much that can be done. She was given anywhere from two weeks to a couple of months, on the outside, to live. We’re able to control any pain she has with medication. In fact, the medication has often given the illusion that she’s getting better. We know she’s not, and that it’s only a matter of time from here on out. It’s a tough situation to be in, as I’m sure any dog owner out there realizes. So far, Athena’s still with us. She’s beaten the lower estimate and continues to avoid too much discomfort. But, the sad reality is that my wife and I are watching our 14 year old companion in her final days. This is not the place you want to be in your life while watching Marley & Me. It might have been the toughest film I’ve had to watch in nearly 10 years of reviewing movies, in one form or another. Enough about my situation.

Slumdog Millionaire has become the latest “must see” Best Picture award winner. While I actually liked the film better than I imagined I would, it’s precisely because the movie is not what it appears, or at times claims to be. If I just took the buzz and advertisement campaign to heart, I would expect a Bollywood picture to the extreme. If you’re not really sure what that term means, I can tell you that this movie will not really clarify anything for you. The traditional Bollywood, Indian made films, feature intense tragedy and love stories. They are usually swimming in song and dance numbers.Looking at the film’s television spot, it would seem that that’s exactly what this movie is. The problem? The song and dance that tends to dominate these spots is not even in the film proper. Rather, the only musical number occurs over the closing credits. Now, while all of this may sound like criticism, it’s actually not. I’ve seen Bollywood productions, and they’re just not up to my tastes. I never fidgeted and yawned so much in my life. That doesn’t mean they’re bad, by any means. I’m sure that there are some that are quite good and entertaining for some people. I’m merely not one of those folks. So, when I discovered that Slumdog Millionaire was going to land on my front door to watch and review, I began to sweat a little bit. How, I asked myself, am I going to handle having to blast the darling of the Hollywood circuit? Am I ready for the barrage of hate emails a negative review is likely to elicit? Fortunately, for us all, this is nothing at all like a true Bollywood film, and try as he might, Danny Boyle just can’t escape his own natural tendencies. In fact, I didn’t fidget or fuss at all. It’s a pretty good film, after all.

A few years ago Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was quite a large phenomenon on American television. The original game show, hosted by Regis Philbin, dominated the primetime airwaves. ABC milked that cash cow for all it was worth, and before long it seemed Millionaire was on just about every night. But, like all fads, the luster wore off, and the show began a steady decline. It survives today, but with lesser known hosts and as a half hour syndication show, usually aired pre-primetime. I’m told the show continues to be a hit abroad, and particularly in India. Whether or not that’s true, I can’t confirm. You do need to accept that premise, however, to buy into the movie. It doesn’t hurt to have at least a passing familiarity with the game’s general format. It looks very much like it did here. A new host and, of course, the currency is in local tender. Still, the spirit of the game we know here exists in India, according to the film.

“I know I’m too old to love comics as much as I do. But, in comics, the villain can launch a missile at a superhero and the hero just keeps on coming. And then the villain can throw an atomic bomb, or an asteroid, or an entire planet at the hero, but that won’t stop them either, because a real superhero’s like a force of nature and when I read comics I get a faint glimpse of what it would be like to be not just stronger, or faster, or smarter than ordinary people, but what it would be like to be unstoppable”.

Who among us hasn’t felt that way at one time or another in our lives? We all have the desire to feel that in some way we are…Special.

If you can’t see where this thing is going after 10 minutes, check your forehead for lobotomy scars. I strongly suspect that everyone associated with this film, from the writer to the actors to the money people who thought this was a good idea, all have matching scars. The box art claims that someone from Bloody Disgusting calls this the best time travel movie of all time. What?! Either that guy was taking some serious medication at the time, or he was paid off, or his sister worked on the film in some capacity, or he’s actually managed to never see films like: Back To The Future,The Time Machine (both versions), Time After Time, Star Trek IV, Frequency, Somewhere In Time, or Jaws. Okay, so I made the last one up. It’s still a better time travel film than Timecrimes.

I can’t really even offer you much on the plot without destroying what mystery might exist for you, should you decide to ignore my warnings and give the movie a spin for yourself. Suffice it to say that the film thrives on paradox. The acting is simply horrible. There’s a limited cast, but you’d think they could find just three or four actors that could…you know….well….act. It makes some attempt at being a horror film, but even those aspects are quite laughable. And there’s the only chance you have of enjoying this film. Every now and again, I’ve had guys over for what we used to call Schlock – O – Rama. The idea is too laugh our behinds off at the absurdity of what we were watching. You pick up the lamest looking film you can find, and away you go. It’s like your own private Mystery Science Fiction Theater.

“The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure. It’s not that I’m afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don’t want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something that I don’t understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He’d have to say, ‘OK. I’ll be a part of this world’.”

We all know by now that No Country For Old Men became last year’s “must see” Academy Awards Best Picture. Unlike this year’s more ambiguous Slumdog Millionaire, this one really was the best film I’d seen in 2007. It’s already been out on DVD for nearly a year.

“What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it experiment 626. He is bullet proof, fireproof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3000 times his size. His only instinct: To destroy everything he touches.”

This affront to nature is none other than one of the staring characters in Disney’s 2002 animation feature Lilo And Stitch. It was created by an alien mad scientist, Dr, Jumba (Stiers). Unfortunately, the Intergalactic Federation considers it dangerous and an abomination. They throw Dr. Jumba in prison and sentence the creature to exile on a desolate asteroid. The elusive creature escapes the transport ship, stealing a police cruiser, the red one. He ends up on a backwater planet called Earth, more specifically a place called Hawaii. It seems that the Federation can’t simply obliterate the planet. It has been designated a protected world, a sanctuary for an endangered species, the mosquito. So the council sends Jumba and their representative, the one-eyed worm, Pleakley (McDonald) to either retrieve or destroy the experiment. Meanwhile, living on Hawaii are two orphan sisters. The teenaged Nani (Carrere) and her younger sister Lilo (Chase). They are having some trouble getting along now that Nani must also become a parent figure to her young sister. It doesn’t help that social services has sent their toughest agent, Cobra Bubbles (Rhames) to decide if Nani is fit to raise Lilo. The truth is Lilo doesn’t fit in at school, and she’s grown incredibly lonely. She prays for an angel to come and be her friend. Since angels are scarce in Hawaii, she suggests a dog. They end up at the pound where experiment 626 happens to be. Lilo falls in love with the alien experiment and names him Stitch, thinking him an exotic species of dog. Of course, the two get themselves in a lot of trouble, not to mention being hunted by Stitch’s pursuers. Still, the two bond and both learn to adapt their natures.

To Catch A Thief is not typical Alfred Hitchcock territory, but then again, it really is. It’s not a terribly suspenseful film coming from the acclaimed “Master of Suspense”, nor is it at all a frightening film even though it was directed by one of horror’s genius minds. What really is scary, however, is how close to a different film this almost was. Cary Grant had exiled himself into retirement. If you can believe his statements at the time, he was concerned that the moviegoing public was pretty much sick of seeing him and preferred the younger actors just then coming of age. He turned Hitchcock down for the role at least twice, before Hitch made a personal visit and appeal to the Hollywood legend. Grace Kelly was also reluctant to do the part. She did it because she loved working for Hitch. Unfortunately, Paramount had other plans. They were troubled that Grant was nearly twice Kelly’s age, and worried either the public or the standards censors would not accept the situation. They were half right. While the film was one of Hitch’s toughest battle with the Standards folks, the public flocked to see Grant and Kelly on the screen together. Grant would continue his return to acting for over a decade longer. Not so Grace Kelly. The Philadelphia native would have her faithful meeting with Prince Rainier of Monaco and would spend nearly 30 years portraying the larger than life, but real nonetheless, Princess Grace of Monaco, before a tragic automobile accident would end her life. All the same, To Catch A Thief would remain one of her last films. Hitch almost lured her out of retirement some years later, but she declined, saying that if she were to do a film, Hitchcock was about the only man she would have done it for.

John Robie (Grant) is a renowned jewel thief and cat burglar. While he’s been retired for fifteen years, he’s still the prime suspect when a rash of burglaries occurs on the French Riviera. The MO is the same as Robie’s, and before long the police are blaming him for the work of France’s newest celebrity thief, The Cat. Robie sees only one chance to get himself out from under the mess. He has to go to the area and catch the real thief. Once there he hooks up with insurance agent Hughson (Williams) who cooperates on the off chance his company can be spared these high payouts. Robie also meets young and attractive socialite Frances Stevens (Kelly), who sets her sights on catching this thief for her own. She constantly tries to seduce Robie, knowing who he is and suspecting him of being The Cat. When her own family jewels turn up missing, she begins to rethink the dangerous game she was playing. That only gives Robie even more incentive to catch the real crook. Will Robie catch The Cat? Will Frances catch Robie? Only Hitch knew for sure, and in 1955 audiences found out in the film classic, To Catch A Thief.

It’s amazing what a difference a hit movie can make. Your less worthy films are drummed out of obscurity. Not only that, but your billing even on these other films is suddenly pushed to the top of the class. Almost overnight, everything you did before gets pushed toward the public’s eye, for good or bad. Kristen Stewart has enjoyed a deserved boost to her career with the success of the teen vampire film, Twilight. Now the independent film The Cake Eaters is being released in time to coincide with Twilight’s own DVD release. This is a film that most certainly would have found its way into release on its own, but I doubt that the timing is at all coincidental. On the film Stewart’s billing is actually somewhere near the bottom of the front credits. On the box art she has amazingly leapfrogged the others and takes the top spot. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t turn in a great performance here, and it doesn’t mean that The Cake Eaters is a horrible film. But it’s not a great film, and so any help it can get from one of its stars’ rising popularity isn’t going to hurt any.

It’s more or less the story of two families in small town America. Easy (Dern) leads one clan. He’s recently lost his wife and lives with his younger son, Beagle (Stanford). His older son, Guy (Bartok) has just returned from New York, where he was pursuing a music career. There is obviously some tension between the two brothers. In another family, we have Georgia (Stewart) who is suffering from a degenerative nervous disorder. It limits her mobility and slurs her speech. It also will eventually cause her heart to give out, so that she’s aware she is on borrowed time. Her mother, Violet (Balsam) is an art photographer and specializes in partially nude photographs of Georgia. Her live in, Judd (Martin) is the more protective of Georgia. When Georgia and Beagle meet at a swap meet or rummage sale, they are attracted to each other. Georgia decides she wants to have sex so that she can experience it before she dies. Both teens are rather awkward personalities, and they begin to develop a bond, counter to the social norms around them. The relationship reminds me a lot of the one in Natalie Wood’s Splendor In The Grass. The film unravels as secrets and relationships are revealed that bring all of the characters to a point of self examination.

The Odd Couple began as a concept when playwright Neil Simon observed his recently divorced brother share an apartment with another divorced guy. He developed it into a very successful play. In the original play Walter Matthau played Oscar, but it was The Honeymooners star Art Carney who played Felix. Both actors were offered the parts for the film. Carney declined. It was because of the onscreen chemistry between Matthau and Jack Lemon on the film The Fortune Cookie that led to Lemmon being cast as Felix. The decision was a stroke of genius. If you look at it on its surface, there really isn’t much of a story here at all. It is the connection and relationship between these characters, and subsequently these actors, that made this film the classic that it is. Also returning from the play to reprise their roles were Monica Evans and Carole Shelley as the amusing Pigeon Sisters, roles they would actually repeat for the television series two years later.

When I watch this film, I will admit that it’s often a little hard to get the images of Jack Klugman and Tony Randall out of my mind. Most folks have had far more exposure to that 5 year television series than they have with the original film. To me, they will always be those characters. In fact Klugman replaced Matthau on the stage as Oscar before he took the role on television. Still, even with that bias, it is awfully hard not to get drawn into this film. For me characters and performances can be everything. That’s what makes this film have the lasting power it has enjoyed. Most of the film, as the play, takes place inside the apartment. There is a very limited cast, often just Felix and Oscar on the screen. Certainly there are some great moments with the poker buddies and the Pigeon Sisters, but most of the film takes place in a limited environment with just two actors. If you can make that work at all, let alone create a classic experience from it, that’s saying something. There were a few outside locations utilized in the film that were not part of the original play. These were placed there just to give the viewers a change of scenery but were totally unnecessary.

A short time ago in a galaxy right in your own back yard….(cue music)

Star Wars Episode XXCV: The Clone Wars: A Galaxy Divided DVD Release: