Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 24th, 2009
“The best movies you totally forgot about”
That’s the marketing slogan for this Lionsgate collection of mostly 1980’s films that never really broke any ground in their box office releases. They are, for the most part, cheap comedies. A few have somewhat of a cult following. None of them ever really set the receipts on fire. At just under $15 each, likely less if you shop around, they are good for a couple of laughs, but little more than that.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on April 21st, 2009
So Toby Wilkins will be helming The Grudge 3. That's a bit of a shame. Not because I think he's the wrong man for the project. Rather, it's the wrong project for the man. Or, less glibly but more precisely, he is showing real promise as a filmmaker, and it would be a shame to see more talent squandered on a franchise that should definitely be put out to pasture. I base this evaluation on the evidence presented in Splinter, a nifty little creature flick .
The film begins with the collision of seriously two very different couples. Seth and Polly (Paulo Costanzo and Jill Wagner) are young urbanites on a camping trip. He's working on a PhD in biology, which becomes important later. Meanwhile, Dennis and Lacey (Shea Whigham and Rachel Kerbs) are on the run (he's an escaped con, and she's his twitchy, detoxing girlfriend). The latter two carjack the former, but the situation becomes much more complicated when they stop at an isolated gas station (is there any other kind in horror movies?) and are attacked by the titular creature.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on April 20th, 2009
Writing or directing a fighting movie is kinda like booking a wrestling card. In theory, you need to create a strong but flawed babyface who is fighting for a cause or fallen friend. The antagonist or main heel is usually completely evil and has the face of being completely untouchable. But in order to build up this reputation, he must also go through some minor good guys to get over his image. In addition, the babyface must go over minor bad guys to do the same exact thing. In the end, you create a hero who comes in to save the day and vanquishes the victim. Street Warrior is one of those movies that follows this script by the book and makes for some decent excitement while the movie is at it.
The Gauntlet has claimed another victim. Joey Campbell (played by Brandon Quinn) has fallen at the hands of Isaiah Griffin (played by Sidney S. Liufau) and is now in a coma at the local hospital. His brother, Jack (played by Max Martini) has been discharged from the army for beating the crap out of a superior officer (no reason is given). He comes home and breaks up a robbery of a local convenience store where his friend Maggie (played by Valerie Cruz) works. However, once he gets to his brother’s house and is treated to his sister-in-law Sarah’s (played by Erin Cottrell) tearful embrace, he realizes something is very wrong.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 16th, 2009
“Oh Bother”A.A. Milne was quite an eclectic writer. He wrote murder mysteries that even appeared on Alfred Hitchcock Presents. From that fertile mind would also come a place known as the 100 Acre Wood. In that select place some of literature’s finest characters had the greatest adventures any boy could imagine. And adventures are certainly no fun on your own. Young Christopher Robin was joined by Piglet, Tigger, Owl, Rabbit, Eeyore, and, of course, Winnie-The-Pooh. Who didn’t fall in love with that silly old bear… Winnie-The-Pooh. OK, so maybe Dahmer or Bundy might have been exceptions. Still, anyone growing up in the last 30-40 years who isn’t a psychopath has had a love affair with Winnie-The-Pooh, all stuffed with fluff.
But I can’t recognize my old friends any longer. Where has Christopher Robin gone?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on April 14th, 2009
Alan Rickman, in a stunningly unexpected bit of casting, plays an arrogant, womanizing SOB of a chemistry professor who has just been awarded the Nobel Prize. While he and wife Mary Steenburgen jet off to Sweden, their son (Bryan Greenberg) is kidnapped. Before long, the parents receive are sent a severed thumb as proof of the kidnapper's serious intent. But nothing is quite what it seems.
What we have here is a blackly humoured cross between farce, caper and revenge story. The name-studded cast also includes Bill Pullman as the detective assigned to investigate the kidnapping, Elize Dushku as Greenberg's love interest, and Danny DeVito as a gardener recovering from an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Ernie Hudson and Ted Danson also show up in small roles. DeVito doesn't have much to do in the film, but then, in the end, neither does just about anybody else. Rickman, though top-billed, isn't asked to do more than his patented bastard shtick, which he can do in his sleep. There's a creative heist scene, and plenty of twists, but these latter have a merely academic interest. There is no emotional attachment to anyone in the film, which means that the OTT flash and dazzle of the editing becomes pure surface distraction. Then there's the soundtrack, partly the work of electronica deity Paul Oakenfold. Too often, it has no relation to the action on screen, and is so loud that, fine as it is in and of itself, it becomes irritating. End result: a slick but empty, only fitfully engaging effort.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on April 13th, 2009
Bradford May, oh Bradford May. I have a good history of watching movies directed by Mr. May from a couple of Darkman sequels to the more recent Ring of Death. His style is pure popcorn and an attitude of leave your brain cells by the door. It is only fitting that I was interested in seeing another flick with his name on it. This one was called Mask of the Ninja. Right away, it sounded like a classic Bradford May movie. However, after watching it, I realized that Bradford had broken some laws in his production. He had broken the sacred five rules of portraying a ninja.
Danny (played by Dominic Rains ) is a cop impersonating a typical street punk who pushes illegal drugs. He gets caught wearing a wire when an undercover cop playing the guitar for the local band makes the save. His name is Detective Jack Barrett (played by Casper Van Dien). In the middle of the arrest, Danny gets a call from his girlfriend: Miko (played by Kristy Wu) who sounds like she is in dire trouble. Jack takes the call instead and decides to investigate what exactly is going on.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 10th, 2009
We all knew it had to happen eventually. With the success of the “torture porn” films like the Hostel and Saw series, we had to expect that there would be some lightweight twists and turns on the thriving genre. Shuttle is one of those attempts. It gingerly treads on the now familiar ground of the aforementioned films, but each time it makes the obvious moves in that direction, it pulls back and stalls. Edward Anderson is the writer and director of this mess. It was first attempt at either, and it shows, very badly. He couldn’t decide if he was making a traditional slasher film or one of the more trendy “torture porn” exorcises. So, he ends up doing neither effectively.
The setup was pretty much what we’ve already seen a hundred times. Two young women are on their way home from a Mexican vacation. It hasn’t been going all that well, and the plane ride back to the States was bumpy and plagued by horrible weather. Mel (List) is apparently engaged, and Jules (Goodman) is apparently her best friend. It’s late, and they just want to get home. They opt to accept a ride from a shuttle driver (Curran), who offers to take them for half price, instead of accepting a ride from two guys they just met. They figure the shuttle would be safer. But, of course, if that were true we couldn’t have 106 minutes of movie. By the time this hell ride is over you’re gonna wish they’d just taken the offered ride. The girls would be home safely in their beds, or perhaps the guys’ beds, and your life would now be 100 minutes or so longer to do some of those things you’ve promised yourself needed to be done.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 10th, 2009
Donkey Punch was partially funded by the British Lottery. That means you might have actually lost twice. Once if you bought a losing ticket, and again if you watched this movie made possible by your gambling itch. Mama always said nothing good comes out of gambling. Turns out she was right. If this is what the British Lottery Authority is doing with the money, you’re better off going to a bookie. At least Mario “The Shark” Cabliario will spend the money on something worthwhile, like women and booze.
The movie begins with three young women on a tropical vacation. They meet three guys at a bar, who claim to have a yacht parked (okay docked) nearby. The dudes wanna know if the chicks wanna party. They say definitely not. Are you kidding? Of course, they say yes. Turns out these fine upstanding lads crew a yacht for some rich guy who is out of town. That leaves them alone with the toys. Kind of reminds me of the Jimmy Buffet song, Gypsies In The Palace. After a few drinks and a few drugs, the trio and one of the guys’ brother head below to make out. If these scenes get tiresome, bring a book to your theater. The sex scene rambles on for over 20 minutes. Finally, the lame brother decides to take a turn with one of the girls. He’s not too bright. He decides to try a stunt his brother told him about called a donkey punch. Apparently it’s this sexual myth. While having sex with a chick you smack her so hard upside the head that it breaks her neck. Why, I have no idea, but the kid tries it and kills the girl. Now everyone panics. The guys, for the most part, want to dump the girl in the ocean and claim she got so drunk and high that she fell overboard. The girls, understandably, aren’t too keen on that idea. At first they don’t even know how it happened, and assume she overdosed or something. Unfortunately, one of the guys was videotaping the entire orgy and caught the donkey punch on tape. The next half hour is a battle between the factions to gain possession of the tape.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 10th, 2009
Jim Carrey’s life and career are in a sort of mid-life crisis. He has avoided doing his usual goofball comedy films and opted for more serious roles. His appearance in Number 23 was a bit of a shock for most of us, but he pulled it off reasonably well. Even his more recent comedies have often been less about one crazy character and more about the story elements. It seems that he has decided it was time to return to the parts that made him a household name with Yes Man. But after watching Yes Man,,I have to wonder if maybe that genre has passed him by. For the first time, you really start to see age catching up on the crazy actor, and while he still has tremendous timing, he doesn’t look altogether quite right when he brings out the twisted faces and expressions anymore. It’s not a dig at Carrey at all. Still, it can’t be very good for a comedy, particularly one with a romantic element to it, when your first reaction is that the lead’s starting to look a little old. It’s not even that he looks bad. He just might need to tone down the goofy and concentrate on being more sincere. When Carrey takes that approach in this film he’s far more believable and, yes, that much more funny.
The story is almost a direct riff from his Liar Liar plot. In this one Carrey plays Carl Allen. Carl is a loan officer at a local bank. He was divorced three years ago, but he still hasn’t gotten over it. He’s become somewhat reclusive and self absorbed. He finds all manner of excuses to avoid doing anything with his friends. Instead he spends each night falling asleep watching rented movies on television. What’s worse is that he doesn’t even know that he’s miserable. One day at lunch a former coworker, Nick (Higgens) approaches him as he’s eating lunch in front of the bank. He tells Carl about how a motivational seminar has changed his life. He invites Carl to come to a workshop, but Carl drops his usual no thanks on him. But later Carl begins to realize how detached he’s become and has a scrooge-like epiphany at just how lonely he is. So, predictably, Carl goes to the seminar. Here motivational Guru Terrance (Stamp) preaches the gospel of Yes. He challenges Carl to merely accept every opportunity that comes his way. He commits him to a covenant to say yes to anything. As soon as Carl leaves the building the expected situations arise, where most sane people would say no. In a series of Yes’s that involve a homeless man, Carl begins to have second thoughts when his affirmative replies appear to put him in a bad situation. That is, until he meets Allison (Deschanel). Suddenly his new life appears to bring him a bounty of experiences and pleasures. As you might expect, it’s all leading to some rather uncomfortable consequences. But, as all “feel good” films must, Carrey eventually learns to live his new life in moderation and lives happily ever after.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by William O'Donnell on April 8th, 2009
This is the fourth film in the Poison Ivy series and its star power has descended from Drew Barrymore, to Alyssa Milano, to Jaime Presley, and has finally fallen on Degrassi: The Next Generation actress Miriam McDonald; which is sure to fulfill a handful of strange Canuck fantasies.
McDonald plays Daisy, the new girl on campus who is apparently a "tom-girl" because she wears jeans...and is from the country (I guess). It's a fish-out-of-water story to start where she is scoffed at by the cool girls for showing up in a taxi, and gets a meet-cute moment with the richest boy on campus. She turns out to be the biggest prospect in the whole Political Science Department, despite being a freshman, which makes her a target of the "Ivys."
![Donkey Punch [Unrated] dvd cover art](https://upcomingdiscs.com/ecs_covers/donkey-punch-unrated-large.jpg)
