Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on January 28th, 2009
The Great Polar Bear Adventure is indoctrination pure and simple. Disguised as a warm and fuzzy nature show in the realm of Meerkat Manor and its like, this film has really only one theme.: Humans are very bad creatures, for the most part. It follows the plight of a family of polar bears who can no longer find the frozen ice river floes that provide them with tasty seal meat. The reason, of course, is what the bears call the two legs. Somehow the bears know that it is the two legs that are causing the winter to grow shorter and the ice flows to disappear earlier every year. Of course, for the last two years ice floes have returned to normal, but let’s not confuse the issue with the facts. Eventually the bears are driven closer to a two leg settlement where they are forced to rummage through trash piles in order to survive. Eventually one of the rare good two legs darts them and takes them further north where they can roam and survive…for now.
Whatever your politics, I would hope that the idea of using children’s entertainment to push an agenda would not be why you might buy a video for the kids. There are plenty of good programs out there, so that it doesn’t seem necessary to have to have a conversation with your kids to explain why humans are so evil. Not the message I would want to send to children. Sure, the bears are cute and the CG animators did a great job of making it look like they were actually speaking. I don’t even mind a moral or a good message at the end of a kid’s show, but I assure you that you will find this program heavy handed.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on January 13th, 2009
Most people know the Chipmunks for three characters: Alvin, Simon and Theodore. This trio was known for a voice that sounded like too many rpm’s at the old record machine. However for the purposes of this disc, the six episodes featured were focused on a trio who was the equivalent of the Chipmunk “B” team. Their names were Brittany, Jeanette and Eleanor. They were known as the Chipettes. These are their stories. Dun Dun. (Cue Law & Order music).
Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor were actually introduced in the very 1st half-hour of programming for the Chipmunks during their run in 1983. Originally the two groups both lay claim to the name “Chipmunks”, but they grew to like each other and become on and off again friends and something more. Eleanor was just like Theodore, they both loved to eat and cook. However, Eleanor stood up for herself and was more athletic. Jeanette was an easy pair up with Simon. Both were book smart but Jeanette was clumsier and more of an introvert than Simon was. Finally there was Brittany who as vain and self centered as one Alvin Seville. Together they made the Chipettes and were ready to take on the same adventures as their counterparts and participate in a few more.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 22nd, 2008
This modern retelling of the classic fairy tale is brought to you by a division of the Jim Henson Company called Unstable Fables. I think that whoever came up with this idea is the unstable part. This is actually causing me some pain to write. I never thought the day would come when I would be totally disgusted by a Jim Henson labeled release. Anyone who remembers the charm and soul that Henson used to put into his work, or appreciates the work that son Brian has continued, might be lured into this awful trap. Daughter Lisa should be ashamed of herself for having the audacity to put her father’s name on this drivel.
The Unstable Fables are intended as a modern retelling of popular fairy tales. I can’t speak for the first two entries, but if they are anything like this I don’t want to see them. It’s far from a retelling of anything. The names are the same, but the faces and their stories have been changed to protect the ignorant. The animation is pretty shoddy. None of the animals look even remotely cute, realistic, or interesting. They are not recognizable for what they are intended to be, but they’re not humanized versions, either. They are Aunt Esther ugly.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on December 22nd, 2008
Power Rangers come, Power Rangers go. By the time Power Rangers: Jungle Fury had come into existence, some incarnation of Power Rangers had been around for sixteen seasons. The series however was unique due to two qualities. The first was that it centered on three Power Rangers where as other series typically encountered five. The second differentiating characteristic was that it was written during the 2007-2008 Writers Guild of America strike. Written by non-union writers, would the series still have the appeal that the Power Ranger shows had in prior runs?
The Order of the Claw has selected six students as potential guardians of Dai Shi’s prison. Dai Shi was an evil spirit who roamed across the earth waging a war against any human that stood in his path. The Order was able to secure his spirit and lock it away in a box that would be guarded by those who were up to the task. The six students were paired into three couples and squared off in mortal kombat. Wait, wrong show. Fatalities in a kid’s show could be uncomfortable.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 20th, 2008
Since the dawn of The Animal Planet we’ve seen an entire genre created around using real animal footage and providing a human story to go with it. In Meerkat Manor we are provided with a dramatic narration substituting human motivations for the actual activities captured by the film crew. In other instances voice over techniques are used to make the animals appear to talk. Movies like the Buddies series utilize this technique. With the help of a little CG, the animals appear to be speaking. In the case of Elephant Tales, however, there isn’t any effort to match the dialog to lip movement; in fact, there isn’t any effort to even remotely match the dialog to the animal’s activity at all. So, my first real complaint here is how random the footage appears and how totally unrelated to the dialog it is. The result is something like a Mystery Theater 3000 animal documentary edition. You might as well have provided the words yourself for all the difference it will make. Add to that a script that appears to be adlibbed the entire film, and what remains isn’t very interesting, even to the kids.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 20th, 2008
To me, the Power Rangers phenomenon was always a hard one to figure. Here we have a kids’ show featuring heroes and villains that look like they’ve escaped from a Ninja S&M Bar. Much like Ninja movies I have reviewed in the past – see my review for Ninja Collection Volume One: 10 Feature Film Set – these six episodes of Power Rangers Jungle Fury: Way of the Master share identical plotlines with subtle variations thrown in here and there for good measure. Looking back, I can’t really register this as a complaint, taking in to consideration the audience it’s in mind for, and the fact that He-Man and the Masters of the Universe was my favorite show as a kid. And honestly, how many of those plots were any different from one another? One dominating villain up to all kinds of vicious G-Rated evil – whatever that involves.
Instead of Skeletor, however, we have the Dai Shi forces and the Five Fingers of Poison. Caught in the midst of it all are the three main Power Rangers – we’ll call them Red, Yellow, and Blue – who answer to some creepy older animal-rights dude. There is also a clumsy friend, who helps out around the Jungle Karma Pizza restaurant, where the all-powerful Rangers work to make ends meet.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 8th, 2008
Welcome to an all-new way of presenting even more review titles to you.
From time to time we’re given a kind of disc called a “screener”. It’s sometimes the industry’s way of getting review copies without spending a lot of money. Instead of final product, we get a paper slipcase with just a disc. Even the disc is far from final product, the one you would buy in a store. There are often no extras, and the A/V isn’t necessarily the way it will look on the ultimate release. For years we here at Upcomingdiscs have often avoided reviewing those titles because we can’t really comment on the many factors we like to include in our reviews.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 5th, 2008
There seems to be some confusion over the title of this 2008 direct to video release. The release is simply called The Nutty Professor, like the original Jerry Lewis vehicle from 1963. It appears the working title of the film was The Nutty Professor 2: Facing The Fear. It is still listed under that title in the IMDB. Whatever the title, you should know that this isn’t your father’s Nutty Professor. This version is a CG animation feature, but don’t expect Shrek or Pixar quality work here. It’s a considerably lower budget affair, and that shows pretty clearly in the final product.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on November 18th, 2008
Jack Black stars as a Panda named Po who works in his family’s noodle shop. His dreams, however, aren’t of noodles and broth, but of Kung Fu. He fantasizes of hanging out with the famous furious five, the living legends of Kung Fu. The five are made up of the actual animal poses in Kung Fu. You have Tigress (Jolie), Crane (Cross), Monkey (Chan), Mantis (Rogen), and Viper (Liu). Together they have been training with the Master Shifu (Hoffman). Under the guidance of Grand Master Oogway (Duk Kim) they are preparing for one of them to take on the mantle of Dragon Warrior. Then they will inherit the sacred Dragon Scroll and be the great protector of Peace Valley. When Po learns that the time has come to select the Dragon Warrior, he just can’t miss being witness to such an awesome event. The palace is high on a great mountain, and Po tries all silly means of getting to the event. Finally, strapped to a fireworks propelled chair, he makes a grand entrance and finds himself selected as the Dragon Warrior. Much to the dismay of all gathered, Master Oogway insists that Po will become the great warrior needed to protect the Valley. Shifu must overcome his own doubts and work fast, because the imprisoned Tai Lung (McShane) has escaped from the world’s most secure prison. “One way in. One way out. One thousand guards and just one prisoner”Tai Lung. Tai Lung wants the dragon scroll for himself, and not even the Furious Five are able to stop him. Po must learn the “secret ingredient” that will give him the strength and courage to face up to this most ferocious of enemies.
The CG animation craze has no shortage of lovable and cute animals these days. It seems that the animal kingdom has become the greatest fodder for these family animated blockbuster films. Dreamworks might be in the lead with these kinds of efforts. They’ve given us bears, penguins, and lions among others. Now they deliver perhaps one of their better ideas in a lovable Kung Fu Panda. As much as anything else, you really have to give most of the credit for the film’s success to Jack Black and the wonderful voice cast that support him here. Honestly, the script is pretty simple, and like most children’s films it tends to be oversimplified and rather silly throughout. But give a cast like this an even average script and you can pretty much sit back and watch them go. Okay, maybe sit back and hear them go.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on November 3rd, 2008
Before I watched X-Men, before I watched Scooby-Doo, there were shows on my television like Sesame Street, Electric Company, and so forth. The purpose of these shows was to entertain & educate. There was also a range of 3 minute shorts that ran during Saturday morning cartoons on ABC that served a similar purpose. They were collectively called Schoolhouse Rock. From talking about Adjectives to Multiplication to our good ole Government, they helped to inform as well as entertain. In preparation for the 2008 election, Disney decided to come out with a compilation of fourteen Schoolhouse Rock shorts about everything from the Preamble to the Electoral College.
It’s a long long wait while I’m sitting in committee. But I know I’ll be a law someday, at least I hope and I pray that I will. But today I am still just a bill. That is probably the most famous short in all of Schoolhouse Rock. The “I’m Just a Bill” song. Three minutes of goodness about how government lawmakers decide whether or not to make a tiny piece of paper’s dreams come true. There is another short about Tax Man Max who tells you that Tax is that familiar melody, sinful and true. He isn’t whistling Dixie. He speaks the truth I tell ya. Did you also know that You Gotta be Cool when you’re walking on Wall Street? Buy low, sell high, take a piece of the pie.
