Lionsgate / Maple Pictures

Frankenstein

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on November 10th, 2004

Synopsis

The ice-locked crew of a ship searching for the Northwest Passage finds, to its collectiveastonishment, a near-dead man quite literally in the middle of nowhere. This individual is oneVictor Frankenstein (Alec Newman), and he recounts to the captain (Donald Sutherland) hishorrific tale of creating a monster (Luke Goss), and subsequently losing his family to themonster’s vengeance.

Of all the versions of Mary Shelley’s novel, this is probably the most faithful. The m…
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5ive Days to Midnight

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on October 28th, 2004

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Synopsis

On the tenth anniversary of his wife’s death (and his daughter’s tenth birthday), TimothyHutton finds a mysterious briefcase (we see it appear out of nowhere near his wife’s grave). Thecase has his name on it, and when he unlocks the combination, Hutton finds a file containing thedetails of his murder five days in the future. The clock starts ticking. Once he accepts that he isnot the victim of a hoax, will he be able to alter his destiny?

If the idea of a man inves…
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Barbie As The Princess and the Pauper

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on October 7th, 2004

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“Long ago and far away…”

So begins the latest direct-to-video CGI-animated Barbie movie, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper. Based on Mark Twain’s classic tale, this video/DVD is a modern-retelling of the story. It’s Barbie’s first musical, and it does a fantastic job of both entertaining kids and giving them something to think about.

At the same moment, two identical baby girls were born. One, Princess Anneliese, had everything, while Erika, born to a poor village family, lived a li…
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Punisher, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 10th, 2004

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Synopsis

When an undercover operation results in the death of his son, crime lord Howard Saint (JohnTravolta, recycling his Swordfish shtick) orders the wipe-out of the entire family of FBIagent Frank Castle. This duly occurs, and Castle (Thomas Jane, sounding just like HughJackman) is left for dead. He survives, however, and returns to Tampa as the Punisher, andengages in an elaborate vendetta against Saint.

Unlike the disastrous Dolph Lundgren Punisher, this …
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Chopping Mall

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on September 8th, 2004

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Synopsis

A brand new, draconian security system is installed in Park Plaza Mall: steel doors that smalshut at midnight, and roving armed robots who will immobilize any intruder. The night therobots are activated, a group of young folk (who might otherwise be at Crystal Lake, beingslaughtered by Jason), hold an after-hours party in the furniture store. An electrical storm friesthe robots’ circuits, sending them on a killer rampage (and somehow giving them lasercapabilities, it seems)…
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ALF – The Complete First Season

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on August 28th, 2004

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ALF stands for Alien Life Form, but anyone who has seen this hit 1980’s comedy knows ALF stands for “Laughing your ass off funny”. OK, so the letters are out of order, but you know I’m right. It’s no surprise our favorite Melmac dude has made the DVD scene. The real shocker is that it took so long. Who remembers comedy from the 1980’s? There just wasn’t an awful lot to laugh at. ALF was the “muppet-like” creation of Paul Fusco, who also provides the wise-cracking voice of ALF. ALF’s making a comeback these days with …
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Lion in Winter, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 27th, 2004

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Synopsis

Patrick Stewart is King Henry II of England. He is on the verge of announcing the heir tohis throne. Trouble is, none of his sons are fit to rule, and two of them previously were part ofa rebellion against him, led by his wife Eleanor of Aquitaine (Glenn Close). He summons hisfamily to his seat of power, and the stage is set for all sorts of palace intrigue.

The screenplay is the same one used in the original film — James Goldman’s adaptation ofhis play. As present…
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Best of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 19th, 2004

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Synopsis

The most unholy of characters from the Conan O’Brien show, this rubber dog has reallytaken on a life of his own. You either love this guy, or you can’t stand him. Me, I’m still laughingas I try to write this review. Included in this compilation are such routines as the controversialQuebec City visit, and Triumph’s appearance on The Hollywood Squares. Extremely rude andnasty, but quite appallingly funny too.

Audio

The 2.0 audio is certainly adequate …
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Late Night with Conan O’Brien 10th Anniversary Special

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 19th, 2004

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Synopsis

Conan O’Brien’s 10th anniversary show is pretty much what you’d expect: lots of highlightclips from the past, old friends and guests showing up on-stage (Will Ferrell, Mr. T, AndyRichter, etc.), and so on. Though the format is hardly revolutionary, the fact remains that a lot ofthese routines are extremely funny, and the parade of characters highlights just how one-of-a-kind the Conan show is, not to mention how much network TV has relaxed over the decades (justtry to imagi…
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Dogville

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 16th, 2004

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Synopsis

The time is the Great Depression, and the setting is the isolated mountain village of Dogville.One night, a beautiful stranger named Grace (Nicole Kidman) arrives, pursued by gangsters.Would-be writer and pretentious pseudo-philosopher Tom (Paul Bettany) hides Grace, and thenpersuades the town to give her refuge. In order to win the townspeople over, Grace sets out tohelp each household for an hour each day. After some initial reluctance, the townspeopleembrace her and her …
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Air America

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 12th, 2004

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There was a time, even as late as the 90’s, when making an anti-American film was still taboo in Hollywood. Of course today, movies like Fahrenheit 9/11 are big money makers, but for many years, such films were discouraged. Air America is one of the rare exceptions to this rule. This may be due to the fact that it was disguised as a comedy about the Vietnam conflict, but no matter how you look at it, the film is quite critical of the US government, and it makes some pretty scathing accusations about our…
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Highlander 2

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 12th, 2004

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Synopsis

In 2024, the Earth’s ozone layer has been depleted (or so most assume), and life is protectedby an electromagnetic shield designed by Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert). Eco-crusaderVirginia Madsen, however, believes that the ozone layer has restored itself, and the corporationthat runs the shield is maintaining it for its own purposes. Meanwhile, back in the past, villainMichael Ironside sends assassins to the future to kill Lambert, who is an aging man as the filmbegins…
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Sweet Potato Pie

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 12th, 2004

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Synopsis

Three friends head out planning to lose their virginity. Misadventures ensue. You really don’tneed to know anymore about the plot than that, because you really, really, really don’t want towatch this amateurish, shot-on-video attempt to be an “urban” American Pie. Theassumptions behind the film seem to be that the target audience is completely stupid andundiscriminating, and will laugh uproariously at jokes lifted completely from other movies.Dreck of the lowest orde…
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Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 10th, 2004

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Synopsis

Based on the life of co-producer/choreographer JoAnn Jansen, this is the tale of RomolaGarai (no more American than her co-star is Cuban, but what the hell), who is uprooted fromthe States when her father is transferred to Havana. Our heroine is very repressed and bookish,but before you know it, she is being taught all sorts of hot moves by waiter Diego Luna.

Situating the love story and the dancing against the backdrop of the looming revolution isadds a bit interes…
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Love Object

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 31st, 2004

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Synopsis

Desmond Harrington plays Kenneth, a terminally shy, socially inept technical writer. Lonelybeyond words and attracted to temp Lisa (Melissa Sagemiller) but unable even to speak to her, heorders a $10,000.00 love doll. After some initial awkwardness, he develops a full-fledgedrelationship with doll Nikki, one that gives him more confidence at work and with Lisa. But evenas he begins a real-life relationship, things begin to fall apart, as he senses that the doll isbecoming j…
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Femme Musketeer, La

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 31st, 2004

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Synopsis

This is a tale of the next generation of Musketeers (can we hear Alexandre Dumas spinningin his grave?). France and Spain are at war, and things are not going well for the French. Youngking Louis XIV is not mature enough to take on his responsibilities, and he is being manipulatedby Cardinal Mazarin (an incomprehensible Gérard Depardieu). Valentine (Susie Amy), daughterof D’Artagnan (Michael York) takes up her father’s sword to fight for the king and Franceagainst corruptio…
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Godsend

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 30th, 2004

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Synopsis

When Greg Kinnear and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos are emotionally devastated by the loss oftheir eight-year-old son Adam, scientist Robert De Niro approaches them with an alarmingproposition: he offers to clone Adam, so that they might have him again. While Kinnear isdoubtful, he eventually capitulates, and the operation is performed. Things go very well for thefirst eight years of the new Adam’s life. Then he begins to change, as if being taken over by ademonic presence.

Live Nude Girls

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 14th, 2004

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Synopsis

Kim Catrall is a B-movie actress about to get hitched for the third time. Lora Zane hosts abachelorette party for her. A group of old friends gather, and all their secrets about their livescome spilling out, with a special emphasis on the sexual aspect. So Catrall has doubts, Zane istrouble by heterosexual fantasies that are undermining her relationship with Olivia D’Abo,Cynthia Stevenson is being stalked by her house painter, and sisters Dana Delany (lustful andgossipy) an…
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Nest, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 11th, 2004

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Synopsis

On July 14, Bastille Day, a group of small-time hoods stage a daring warehouse robbery.Meanwhile, a brutal Albanian mafia kingpin is being transported to Strasbourg for trial. Theconvoy is ambushed by what looks like an entire battalion of heavily armed men, and thearmoured car winds up taking refuge in the warehouse. The soldiers and the thieves, massivelyoutgunned and outnumbered, band together to hold off the enormous siege.

The jacket copy calls this film “Th…
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Party Animalz

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on July 7th, 2004

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Sometimes, I just don’t know where to begin with these reviews. There are bad movies, there are really bad movies, and then there are movies such as this. When it comes to DVD, extremely bad comedies are the lowest of the low. Bad dramas, horror films or love stories are usually only bad because they are tired and predictable. While that doesn’t make them any less annoying, at least they are comfortable. A bad comedy, however, goes beyond those other annoyances and creates something that is truly uncomfortable. It’s …
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Nine Lives

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on July 3rd, 2004

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What we have here is a messy British independent film that takes most of its cues from the Agatha Christy 10 Little Indians formula. The film fails to provide enough setup or character development to ensure we give a crap about any of these people or what happens to them. As the dull actors and their equally dull counterparts disappear, I found myself looking forward to losing another one. Most of these chaps are complete unknowns. Only Paris Hilton’s name rang any bells. The producers were quite aware of this dilemm…
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Dead Zone – The Complete Second Season

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on June 27th, 2004

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The USA Network series The Dead Zone is based very loosely on the early Stephen King novel or the film with Martin Sheen. Johnny still goes into a coma and comes out with psychic abilities. He even meets the infamous Senate candidate destined to destroy the world. The original tale and this surprising series ends there. This show is more about Johnny using his abilities for good whenever he can. One of the best episodes of the series, “Zion”, actually shows us why this show has varied from the original story. …
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Stealing Candy

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 31st, 2004

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Synopsis

Con man Alex McArthur joins up with brutal thug Coolio and computer genius DanielBaldwin in one of those “can’t miss” schemes: kidnap actress Jenya Lano and force her to havesex in a pay-per-view Internet session. The kidnapping goes well, but frictions between the triothreaten the alliance, and all is not as it appears.

Easily one of the more tasteless premises for a thriller in recent years, and the film showslittle awareness of its own sleaziness. But then, the p…
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Dark Harvest

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 30th, 2004

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Synopsis

In 1932, in Carson County, West Virginia (or, as the name appears on the screen, “WestVirGINA”), a farmer kills his wife and hangs her up as a scarecrow. Cut to the present, and adistant descendant inherits the cursed property. He and the usual gaggle of teenaged friends headout for the farm, after some wandering around and skinning dipping, are set upon by a demonicscarecrow with glowing eyes.

The film follows the stereotypical slasher plot in perfect lock-step, wi…
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Serial Killing 101

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 27th, 2004

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Synopsis

Justin Urich is a disaffected high school student. He is unable to stomach dissection inbiology class (despite his love of horror movies), and he is perpetually tormented by the martinetgym instructor (Thomas Haden Church). When, in a counselling course, he declares that hewants to be a serial killer, he attracts the attention of goth chick Lisa Loeb. She will help himlearn what he needs to know to become a serial killer, on the condition that she be his firstvictim. Urich’…
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