Today, anyone with a credit card and some free time can make a movie. But that doesn’t mean it’s always a good thing. Case in point is Kisses and Caroms, which sports a massive hard-on for Kevin Smith’s Clerks (it’s Clerks in a billiards store. Brilliant!), but its characters, dialogue and location fail to be funny or engaging. For one, how many oddball customers can a billiards store receive in one day? In Clerks, it was believable, since people from all walks of life need what is readily…available at the Quick Stop. In Kisses and Caroms, it feels forced. There are even multiple references to Smith’s films – none of which are funny. At one point in the film, a character refers to another as a “poser.” Maybe the comment was meant for the filmmakers.
Like Clerks, the plot is minimal. But what separates the two films is what they have to say. Whereas Clerks gave a voice to Generation X, K&C seems to exist simply to hold many boring conversations about various forms of sex — threesomes, orgies and gang-bangs. The DVD cover promises many scantily clad women and lots of “Girls Gone Wild” type situations, but all the characters do is talk, talk, talk. Sure, there is some nudity and a light chuckle every 10-15 minutes, which may be enough for a desperate teenager, but those looking for Clerks-style enlightenment will only find themselves behind the 8-ball.
Kisses and Caroms is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. It’s a pretty good video, but very pixelated at times, and very blurry at others. For such a low-budget film, it’s a good picture, but there are many flaws throughout the film’s running time.
Since all the characters do is talk, the Dolby Pro Logic soundtrack isn’t given much to do except deliver lots of inane dialogue. However, everything audible is free of distortion.
Helium – Here we have a short film from the filmmakers of Kisses and Caroms, and in its two and a half minute running time, Helium manages to be a million times better than the feature film. It’s a mock news report about a blimp crashing at an airport which makes everyone talk as if they just sucked the helium out of a balloon. It’s cute and pretty funny, but also depressing to know that the filmmakers took a step back with Kisses and Caroms.
Kisses and Caroms Trailer
Kisses and Caroms doesn’t offer much of anything. The film is a lame rip-off of Clerks, the A/V aspects are mediocre at best, and the one feature on the disc is funnier than the entire film. Plus you can probably find it on YouTube. The filmmakers wanted to do something special, but all they managed to do is scratch on the break. Stay away from this pool hall.
Special Features List
- Helium (Short Film)