Today, anyone with a credit card and some free time can make a movie. But that doesn’t mean it’s always a good thing. Case in point is Kisses and Caroms, which sports a massive hard-on for Kevin Smith’s Clerks (it’s Clerks in a billiards store. Brilliant!), but its characters, dialogue and location fail to be funny or engaging. For one, how many oddball customers can a billiards store receive in one day? In Clerks, it was believable, since people from all walks of life need what is readily…available at the Quick Stop. In Kisses and Caroms, it feels forced. There are even multiple references to Smith’s films – none of which are funny. At one point in the film, a character refers to another as a “poser.” Maybe the comment was meant for the filmmakers.
Like Clerks, the plot is minimal. But what separates the two films is what they have to say. Whereas Clerks gave a voice to Generation X, K&C seems to exist simply to hold many boring conversations about various forms of sex — threesomes, orgies and gang-bangs. The DVD cover promises many scantily clad women and lots of “Girls Gone Wild” type situations, but all the characters do is talk, talk, talk. Sure, there is some nudity and a light chuckle every 10-15 minutes, which may be enough for a desperate teenager, but those looking for Clerks-style enlightenment will only find themselves behind the 8-ball.
VIDEO
Kisses and Caroms is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. It’s a pretty good video, but very pixelated at times, and very blurry at others. For such a low-budget film, it’s a good picture, but there are many flaws throughout the film’s running time.
AUDIO
Since all the characters do is talk, the Dolby Pro Logic soundtrack isn’t given much to do except deliver lots of inane dialogue. However, everything audible is free of distortion.
SPECIAL FEATURES
Helium – Here we have a short film from the filmmakers of Kisses and Caroms, and in its two and a half minute running time, Helium manages to be a million times better than the feature film. It’s a mock news report about a blimp crashing at an airport which makes everyone talk as if they just sucked the helium out of a balloon. It’s cute and pretty funny, but also depressing to know that the filmmakers took a step back with Kisses and Caroms.
Kisses and Caroms Trailer
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Kisses and Caroms doesn’t offer much of anything. The film is a lame rip-off of Clerks, the A/V aspects are mediocre at best, and the one feature on the disc is funnier than the entire film. Plus you can probably find it on YouTube. The filmmakers wanted to do something special, but all they managed to do is scratch on the break. Stay away from this pool hall.
Special Features List
- Helium (Short Film)
- Trailer
08/18/2006 @ 3:07 pm
I liked Kisses And Caroms, but maybe Im biased, because I made the flick.Im not sure Kisses And Caroms sports a MASSIVE hard-on for Kevin Smith. I do dig the guy, so maybe I do have a little chubby for him. We actually only make 3 references to Smith movies. 1 to Chasing Amy, 1 to Dogma, and 1 to Clerks 2. We make 2 references to Heathers, which is twice as many than we make to any other flick.Still many people liken Kisses And Caroms to Clerks. I dont think that is the best comparison. We utilize the front of the store, the back room, and the rear parking lot. Clerks doesnt do that. I think Kisses And Caroms is better compared to Empire Records. However we lack Rex Manning and a rooftop jam session, which I guess their rooftop bit was ripped from Clerks also.The billiard store really does get its fair share of oddballs that walk thru the door. Many billiard customers are eccentric as hell and do some weird stuff. The reality is, just about every one of those incidents portrayed in the flick actually happened. Except for the midget. His scene did play out, but with a tall person. I chose to use the little person to showcase some diversity in Kisses And Caroms. I mean lets face it, every year there is a report on how few African Americans are in the media, but never one on little people. Little people need to be heard! Sure, there is some nudity and a light chuckle every 10-15 minutes I might have to use this as a box quote. Kisses And Caroms budget is a fraction of what a studio spends and I got a chuckle every 10 to 15 minutes, thats like 6 to 8 laughs for the whole movie. If you ask me, thats a better laugh ratio then most Studio movies.Im glad you liked Helium. It was actually made after Kisses and Caroms. So you dont have to be depressed about us posers moving backwards. A poser badge that I wear with honor, BTW. Im not trying to invent the wheel here, Im just trying to make it turn my way.In closing, I like my flick and I like flicks that are like my flick. Maybe our tastes dont mesh and youll never like my flicks. Thats OK, as long as I keep making the flicks that I like, thats all that really matters.The DVD you watched was a screener. The retail version that hits WalMart August 22 includes a making of featurette, outtakes, auditions, 2 commentaries, Helium, and a picture gallery. So if you hated that screener, the retail version has even more to hate.
08/18/2006 @ 3:17 pm
Ugh – Formatting ripped out all my quotes and apostrophes. Not to mention lumped it into one paragraph. —– I liked Kisses And Caroms, but maybe I ‘m biased, because I made the flick. — I ‘m not sure Kisses And Caroms sports a MASSIVE hard-on for Kevin Smith. I do dig the guy, so maybe I do have a little chubby for him. We actually only make 3 references to Smith movies. 1 to Chasing Amy, 1 to Dogma, and 1 to Clerks 2. We make 2 references to Heathers, which is twice as many than we make to any other flick. — Still many people liken Kisses And Caroms to Clerks. I don ‘t think that is the best comparison. We utilize the front of the store, the back room, and the rear parking lot. Clerks doesn ‘t do that. I think Kisses And Caroms is better compared to “Empire Records.” However we lack Rex Manning and a rooftop jam session, which I guess their rooftop bit was ripped from Clerks also. — The billiard store really does get its fair share of oddballs that walk thru the door. Many billiard customers are eccentric as hell and do some weird stuff. The reality is, just about every one of those incidents portrayed in the flick actually happened. Except for the midget. His scene did play out, but with a tall person. I chose to use the little person to showcase some diversity in Kisses And Caroms. I mean lets face it, every year there is a report on how few African Americans are in the media, but never one on little people. Little people need to be heard! — “Sure, there is some nudity and a light chuckle every 10-15 minutes” I might have to use this as a box quote. Kisses And Caroms ‘ budget is a fraction of what a studio spends and I got a chuckle every 10 to 15 minutes, that ‘s like 6 to 8 laughs for the whole movie. If you ask me, that ‘s a better laugh ratio then most Studio movies. — I ‘m glad you liked Helium. It was actually made after Kisses and Caroms. So you don ‘t have to be depressed about us “posers” moving backwards. A “poser” badge that I wear with honor, BTW. I ‘m not trying to invent the wheel here, I ‘m just trying to make it turn my way. — In closing, I like my flick and I like flicks that are like my flick. Maybe our tastes don ‘t mesh and you ‘ll never like my flicks. That ‘s OK, as long as I keep making the flicks that I like, that ‘s all that really matters. — The DVD you watched was a screener. The retail version that hits WalMart August 22 includes a making of featurette, outtakes, auditions, 2 commentaries, Helium, and a picture gallery. So if you hated that screener, the retail version has even more to hate.
08/18/2006 @ 3:18 pm
Ugh – Formatting ripped out all my quotes and apostrophes. Not to mention lumped it into one paragraph. —– I liked Kisses And Caroms, but maybe I ‘m biased, because I made the flick. — I ‘m not sure Kisses And Caroms sports a MASSIVE hard-on for Kevin Smith. I do dig the guy, so maybe I do have a little chubby for him. We actually only make 3 references to Smith movies. 1 to Chasing Amy, 1 to Dogma, and 1 to Clerks 2. We make 2 references to Heathers, which is twice as many than we make to any other flick. — Still many people liken Kisses And Caroms to Clerks. I don ‘t think that is the best comparison. We utilize the front of the store, the back room, and the rear parking lot. Clerks doesn ‘t do that. I think Kisses And Caroms is better compared to “Empire Records.” However we lack Rex Manning and a rooftop jam session, which I guess their rooftop bit was ripped from Clerks also. — The billiard store really does get its fair share of oddballs that walk thru the door. Many billiard customers are eccentric as hell and do some weird stuff. The reality is, just about every one of those incidents portrayed in the flick actually happened. Except for the midget. His scene did play out, but with a tall person. I chose to use the little person to showcase some diversity in Kisses And Caroms. I mean lets face it, every year there is a report on how few African Americans are in the media, but never one on little people. Little people need to be heard! — “Sure, there is some nudity and a light chuckle every 10-15 minutes” I might have to use this as a box quote. Kisses And Caroms ‘ budget is a fraction of what a studio spends and I got a chuckle every 10 to 15 minutes, that ‘s like 6 to 8 laughs for the whole movie. If you ask me, that ‘s a better laugh ratio then most Studio movies. — I ‘m glad you liked Helium. It was actually made after Kisses and Caroms. So you don ‘t have to be depressed about us “posers” moving backwards. A “poser” badge that I wear with honor, BTW. I ‘m not trying to invent the wheel here, I ‘m just trying to make it turn my way. — In closing, I like my flick and I like flicks that are like my flick. Maybe our tastes don ‘t mesh and you ‘ll never like my flicks. That ‘s OK, as long as I keep making the flicks that I like, that ‘s all that really matters. — The DVD you watched was a screener. The retail version that hits WalMart August 22 includes a making of featurette, outtakes, auditions, 2 commentaries, Helium, and a picture gallery. So if you hated that screener, the retail version has even more to hate.
08/18/2006 @ 3:20 pm
Triple post – My apologies. I didn’t mean to do that.
09/09/2006 @ 12:33 am
Thanks for your comments Vince. It is great to hear facts straight from the horses mouth… not calling you a horse, but you get the picture 🙂 Sean may not have been the biggest fan of the film… but I sure your film will have a certain following. All the best in future projects.