There are lots of people out there who watch cheesy horror films. Some blame it on boredom, some actually admit to liking a few of them. My personal feelings are about the same as any cheesefest, if there is something redeeming in the film; I can usually find a few nice things to say about it. However when it comes to films like the Beast Within, my momma always told me to just keep my mouth shut. Good for you, I never listened much.
Professor Bergen (played by Joost Siedhoff) is a world renowned scientist. His specialty is his work around bird flu or the H5N1 virus. He studies how it affects human kind and conducts various tests. However, his tests are not exactly fitting of normal research and his mental health isn’t the brightest. One day as he is reading and scribing notes, he is suddenly attacked by a large group of birds and dies in a pool of his own blood.
Robert Hansen (played by Philipp Danne) is the professor’s grandson and a medical student at a local college. He is forced to pick up the pieces and figure out what is left of the Bergen estate. He takes along a few friends such as Eugen (played by Nikolas Jurgens) and travel off towards the estate. Along the way, they decide to stop at a local gas station.
He meets his ex-girlfriend, Marlene (played by Birthe Wolter) and the busty Vanessa (played by Anna Breuer). I only mention this because they proceed to camera to her breasts for the majority of the scene. Anyhow, the group invites the two girls to the Professor’s place for a party. Ahhh, a party with a bunch of teenagers. Can anybody else smell the plot from a mile away? Okay, we got a few stragglers in the back, let’s continue.
They get to the estate and proceed to find droves of dead animals around the house. Once inside, they search the place for clues and find some of his old papers. But there is no worry for that now, there is a party about to be going on. First, food needs to be ordered. However, when they get that food, there is also a dead animal inside of it. The sad part? Eugen actually eat the tainted food anyway. So, everybody gets a little drunk and people start to get frisky. Well, except for Eugen who appears sick and drunk at the same time. Gee, I wonder how that happened.
Vanessa and one of the guys retire upstairs to participate in a poorly lit & done sex scene. Before we go further, let me explain something. If you are going to do a drunken sex scene that involves A) hardware B)the girl that you spent an entire scene focusing on her cleavage & the movie has an R rating, at least have the sense to properly light the sucker and show us something. *sigh* *end of rant* The scene equated to fumbling around in the dark looking for a lost pair of socks. I think I saw a nipple, I’m not sure.
Anyhow, out of the forest comes a zombie who appears infected, presumably with the mutant bird flu virus. He starts to come at the teens and they are able to thwart this attack. The problem is that more are coming and at least one of them is already infected with this deadly virus. My money is on the one with the gaping wound & my other loose change is on the one who ate the tainted meat. Stay tuned or preferably see if they made a 5th Critters movie on the USA network.
I know, I know. I’m already being crude and all I wrote was the synopsis. But why bs around for six or seven paragraphs trying to keep up your hopes and think that this was anything but a schlock and gore fest? The fact is, this movie has more holes than that piece of swiss cheese you nibbled off your ham sandwich during lunch. I mean who directed this mess anyway? Wolf Wolff. Are you freaking kidding me? Is he related to Wolf Blitzer?
I would like to point out that this is a German movie. It was originally named Virus Undead but I guess they went with something a little more generic. Furthermore, they decided to let the actors and actresses speak in English. What happens when German actors speak in English? We get very thick and occasionally hard to understand accents. I honestly think they would have gotten more mileage with German audio and English subtitles.
Lionsgate really didn’t seem to want to promote this movie anyhow. They placed it on a screener DVD-R disc and sent it away in a white envelope for us to review. The every 15 minutes going to black & white with a Lionsgate warning wasn’t appetizing either. The direction is lacking, the film suffers from poor lighting and the plot is so openly bad, I want to shove a pitchfork through it. No recommendation, I think the best thing to do with this movie is find a large metal ashtray and burn the darn thing. NEXT!
