“I might be wrong, but I’m guessing you know something that I don’t.”
First off, this is not the 2011 Sucker Punch directed by Zack Snyder. This was shot in 2008, but released in 2011 under the name Sucker Punch just months after Snyder’s action fantasy. I can only imagine this was done to capitalize on confused DVD renters and buyers.
If you have read my reviews, you know I feel that a lack of budget doesn’t make for a bad movie. Creativity, writing, acting and sometimes just spectacle can boost a low-budget film up to good or even great film. Sucker Punch is a low-budget film that lacks all of those points. In fact, Uwe Boll’s pieces-of-shit films are more entertaining than this.
Ray ‘Harley’ Davidson (Danny John-Jules) is a hustler with a serious gambling addiction. No matter how big the score, the money always flows through his hands to feed the habit. He normally manages fighters in illegal underground fight rings, but his gambling habits pushed him out of the business until seasoned street fighter, Charles Buchinsky (Gordon Alexander), stumbles into his life. Harley and Buchinsky enter a fragile partnership and stage a series or successful fights. Together they target Victor Maitland (Ian Freeman), porn barren and top underground fight promoter. However Harley’s gambling debts force them accept a desperate deal leading them into the biggest fight yet.
Director Malcom Martin is credited as the writer, but this movie is a completely plagiarized from Walter Hill’s 1975 fight film Hard Times staring Charles Bronson and James Coburn. Martin is so cheeky he even names the lead Charles Buchinsky, which was Bronson’s real name, and he has a character named Coburn (Baz Warne). Martin doesn’t even acknowledge the fact this is a remake of Bryan Gindoff’s and Bruce Henstell’s story, but his writing is so bad, maybe that’s for the best.
Danny John-Jules (Red Dwarf) gets top billing in this, as does Tom Hardy (Inception, The Dark Knight Rises), but Hardy’s role is barely a cameo. Gordon Alexander seemingly can’t act if his life depended on it, but the sad thing is his fighting skills suck as well. In fact, all the fights are not only shot in an amateurish way, but they lack any style or impact.
I kept hoping for one redeeming moment, one cool fight or at least some memorable violence, but there isn’t any of the above in Sucker Punch. The real Sucker Punch is the punch you get if you are a sucker enough to watch this abysmal, steaming celluloid dung pile.
Video:
Presented in anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen transferred to DVD this is some butt-ugly video. Alternating between HD cameras and prosumer camcorders, the film is wildly uneven and soft; in the course of a single scene will go from grainy to clear to fuzzy to brown. Colors are muted. Blacks are crushed and skin tones unnatural. Often the camcorder scenes are completely out of focus and improperly white-balanced.
Audio:
The Dolby Digital 5.1 mix is almost as bad as the video. The dialog is muffled and poorly captured. The SFX/music to dialog is terribly balanced; get ready to ride the volume on your remote control. Although the soundtrack isn’t bad, it’s just not memorable.
Special Features:
The Making of Sucker Punch (25:26 HD) Although the making-of is less boring than the movie, it still is a monster waste of time. A short 5-minute EPK would have been better.
Sucker Punch Trailer (1:00 HD) The redband trailer shows off the craptastic acting, fights and makeup effects. If you have any doubts about how bad this movie is, find this trailer on IMDB and watch it. Utter and complete shit.
Final Thoughts:
How bad is this movie? The acting is so wooden it feels like the cast were being fed their lines one at a time which they then repeat minus any emoting. The fights are sloppy and anemic. The story moves at such a snail’s pace you find yourself contemplating suicide just so you don’t have to watch anymore. Everything about this ripoff movie is so bad it shouldn’t just be avoided, it should be eradicated. Even if you love the fight movies and I mean REALLY love the fight movies, Sucker Punch will just flat out piss you off.
“You must be the new meal ticket.”
