“The thing I love about Valentine’s Day is the expectation of the unexpected. That something magical could happen, and maybe that special someone will come back into your life and change its course for the better.”
Valentine’s Day is one of those Hallmark holidays that leave us with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Unless, of course, you happen to be alone, or a member of the Bugs Moran gang in Chicago in 1929. So it really means a lot of things to a lot of people, but I really do question the use of that particular day for the setting for first-time director Jonathan Eusebio’s action film Love Hurts. The Valentine’s Day angle is pretty weak, and a think gimmick for what is basically a comic martial arts film that gives Vietnamese actor Ke Huy Quan his first starring role. The gimmick pretty much failed, and the film tanked after just a short time at the box office, bringing in a measly $15 million with a budget of over $18 million. Universal decided to give the movie a short turnaround, and it’s now making its debut on UHD Blu-ray. If the film is going to pick up some extra cash, this is where it’s going to happen, and arguably direct-to-video and streaming is likely where the film belonged all along.
“Your co-workers don’t know who you really, are and I’m willing to keep your secret, but…”
Marvin Gable (Quan) is a real estate agent with a sunny disposition that just can’t be for real. He bakes pink, heart-shaped cookies for his co-workers on Valentine’s Day, and nothing seems to wipe that silly smile off of his face. He’s the lovable and naive kind of guy that co-workers usually hate because they’re always so bright and happy. Except he’s not that at all. It all comes apart when he receives a strange Valentine’s Day card and he gets ambushed in his office by a hit man known as The Raven (Shakir). It turns out he has a brother who goes by the name of Knuckles (Wu). Gable once worked for his crime syndicate but bought his way out of the gang life by agreeing to make one more hit. The target was Rose (DeBose). But she’s the one leaving cards and clues behind, which means someone didn’t do what he was supposed to do, and Rose is still alive, and now there are a lot of folks looking for her … and the stolen money from Knuckles that got her on the hit list to begin with. Along with Knuckles, we have Merlo (Gigandet) and his two impossibly crazy salt-and-pepper hit team of King (Lynch) and Otis (Eriksen). Believe it or not, they’re the comic relief from the comic violence in this comic action movie farce. It all leads to a lot of running and fighting, while The Raven also falls in love with Gable’s office assistant, Ashley (Tipton).
I think you might have already discovered the film’s flaws with just that brief description. There are too many exotic characters and a storyline that we’re intended to kind of piece together along the way. There’s no time for any real character development, and none of these characters or actors have any kind of chemistry, with the notable exception of King and Otis, who I must admit are a hoot to watch. They argue like an old married couple, and you can’t help but ask how these incompetent hit men ever survived this long. While they are quite entertaining, we start to realize that maybe Knuckles can’t be that tough if this is the best he has for muscle. Meanwhile The Raven is reading poetry to the love-struck office assistant. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. There were three writers on board, so I guess you can make this stuff up; but really, why?
The film’s focus is on the martial arts work, and director Eusebio’s background is martial arts stunt work, where he’s made a name for himself working on such classics franchises like John Wick, The Pink Panther, The Fast And The Furious, and The Fall Guy. He’s obviously a talented stunt coordinator, but he tries too hard to keep it humorous and often too silly. I also hate CGI blood, and it all looks more like a comic book than a real action film. The real trouble for me is that I’m not quite sure exactly what he was going for here, and I’m worried that he wasn’t all that sure himself. So it falls apart, because there really is no focus here, and the film never develops into anything more than a farce.
If lead actor Ke Huy Quan’s name looks familiar to you, it should. As a kid he joined Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom as the wise-cracking young Short Round. Since those days he’s been in and out of the business in various capacities until a couple of years ago he found himself as a standout actor in the award-winning Everything, Everywhere All At Once. He found himself suddenly hot, and this was intended as his first chance at taking the lead. While he remains a rather lovable character, to be sure, I’m not sure this film will connect enough to give him many more shots. He’s trying too hard to be a young Jackie Chan but he doesn’t quite have the strong charisma that Chan has so naturally. This is the kind of film that Chan would have made at least charming, but it all misses just a bit on every front.
Video
Love Hurts is presented in a somewhat odd but original aspect ratio of 2.00:1. The ultra-high-definition 2160p image is arrived at by an HEVC codec with an average bitrate of 65 mbps. It’s a very bright and shiny image presentation that is often too glossy. Colors are certainly bright and vivid, and the image sure pops. But it reminds me a little bit of that plastic reality of the Barbie film without all of that pink … although … Black levels are good, and there’s plenty of shadow definition in the rare instance it’s required. It’s a nice sheen, if you’re into that kind of thing, and a perfect plastic bubble of action.
Audio
The Dolby Atmos audio presentation defaults to 7.1. There’s plenty of action to be found in the aggressive surround channels. The fight scenes take place all around you, and it’s easy to get lost in the action. Subs are pretty solid and add a good bit of bottom and depth to it all. The music can be a little loud, but the dialog still punches through just fine. There are times Quan’s voice gets a little muddled, but I think it’s the delivery and not the audio presentation.
Special Features
The extras are found on each disc. There is A Blu-ray copy here.
Alternate Ending: (1:48)
Deleted And Extended Scenes: (6:54) There are 8 in total with a handy play all option.
The Ke To Gamble: (3:33) Like all of these features it’s all about the action and stunts with the focus here a little more on the film’s leading man.
The Heart Of Love Hurts: (7:34) More action.
Stunts Hurt: (10:37) Yet another feature on…you guessed it… the stunts.
Final Thoughts:
I really want to like this movie. It comes so close in so many areas that it ultimately let me down. I also really want to like Quan. As much as I’m not a fan of Temple Of Doom Quan did have some nice chemistry with Ford and I’m rooting for him to have a break out hit. This just won’t be that hit. What we get is too much sugar and not enough of anything else. I so wanted to love it, however “I really don’t need a bumper sticker right now”.
