Horror

House on Haunted Hill

Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 27th, 2005

Synopsis

Vincent Price is in definitive creepy form as a millionaire who invites an oddball group of characters to spend the night in a sinister house. If his guests survive, they will be paid $10 000. Price is at war with his wife, and it is pretty clear that each would love to see the other dead. Strange events start occurring in the house, with one young woman in particular being driven to the edge of hysteria by one monstrous apparition after another.

Affectionately remade a few years b…
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Dracula III: Legacy

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 8th, 2005

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Synopsis

The surviving characters from the cliffhanger ending of Dracula II: Ascension pick up the chase. Pursuing Dracula (or rather, the much-older being who uses that name, and who was said to be Judas in earlier installments, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore, either) are Jason Scott Lee as Uffizi, the vampire-killing priest now slowly turning into a vampire himself, and Jason London, whose girlfriend was snatched at the end of the last film. They travel through a Romania beset …
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Alien 3000

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on July 26th, 2005

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Synopsis

Guarding a treasure of what looks like a few novelty store swords and chocolate dollar coins in a cave that could almost be the fabled Bronson Caverns of many a 50s B-movie is a monster that sometimes looks like a bad CGI centipede, but most of the time is a guy in a baggy rubber suit. The treasure, we are told, was left by Viking Conquistadors, and yes, you read that correctly. Why the alien monster is guarding the treasure is never explained. Anyway, the beast slaughters a bunch of people …
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Prophecy – Uprising, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on June 20th, 2005

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Synopsis

In a perpetually gray, rainy, decrepit Bucharest, a series of strange murders is taking place. Brutal street-cop in search of redemption Sean Pertwee is paired up with enigmatic Interpol agent John Light. Light is not, of course, what he seems. Angels and demons are at war, as ever, and the demarkation lines of the battle are very blurry. Are there any good guys at all? Hard to sasy, but Kari Wuhrer had better hope so, as she is being used and stalked, respectively, by the different sides, a…
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Hellraiser: Deader

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on June 17th, 2005

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Synopsis

Direct-to-Video queen Kari Wuhrer headlines as hard-edged reporter willing to risk life and limb for a story. Her editor sends her to Bucharest (your first hint of the pic’s minimal budget) to investigate a strange cult of people who call themselves “Deaders.” The members of this group appear to have died and been resurrected by the charismatic leader. Wuhrer descends into the underground, and reality goes all rubbery after she finds and opens a Lament Configuration, summoning Pinhead into h…
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Seed of Chucky

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on June 16th, 2005

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Synopsis

Years after the events of Bride of Chucky, evil dolls Chucky (voice of Brad Dourif) and Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly) are dormant and being used to make a Chucky movie, starring in-decline sexpot Jennifer Tilly. (I know: very postmodern already, and we’ve only just begun.) Their offspring (voice of Billy Boyd), of indeterminate gender and gentle spirit, escapes its evil ventriloquist captor, travels to Hollywood and revives the demonic duo, unaware of their psychotic natures. Chucky wants …
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American Psycho

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on June 9th, 2005

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Synopsis

Christian Bale plays Patrick Bateman, Wall Street dealer and psychotic. He, like his peers, is completely obsessed with surfaces, narcissistic beyond all measure, and about as deep as a sheet of mylar (and his extended exegesis on the music of Huey Lewis and the News doesn’t help make him seem smarter, despite what he thinks). He rapes and murders with impunity, but after all, isn’t that the 80s ethic in a nutshell?

Brett Eason Ellis’ novel, massively reviled by people who didn’t b…
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American Gothic

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on June 7th, 2005

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Synopsis

Inspired by the Grant Wood painting, “American Gothic” is a 24-minute experimental horror short. Director Carlos Batts explains in his intro that the idea is that the farmer in the Wood painting killed his wife, and is now consumed by guilt. This is conveyed through a collage of surreal images, mixing Magritte, Goth and splatter, with a soundtrack that mixes portentous poetry and death metal/industrial rock. The latter isn’t a completely successful fit, partly because of audio limitations (s…
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Boogeyman

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 27th, 2005

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Synopsis

Little Tim is convinced the boogeyman is in his closet. He’s right, and it gobbles up his dad.Fifteen years later, after many years of therapy devoted to convincing him that he didn’t reallysee a monster that night, Tim (Barry Watson) is still afraid of closets and is haunted by terrifyingvisions. When his mother dies, he returns to his home town for the funeral, and decides to stay atthe old house in order to confront his demons. Big mistake.

The basic set-up is no…
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Dead Doll

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 10th, 2005

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Synopsis

A demented sculptor kills his girlfriend (Romi Koch) and turns her into a mannequin. At last,he has his perfect woman. But he still imagines her taunting him, and her beauty inspires oneman after another to kill to possess the now haunted doll. The tone is meant to be blacklyhumorous, some effort has gone into the camera work, and there is a subtext here about maleobjectification of women. But Koch’s line readings are so inept, and the storytelling so elliptical,that the ef…
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Alone in the Dark

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on May 4th, 2005

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Synopsis

Hmmm. How to provide a synopsis for something that makes no sense at all? Here goes.Two decades ago, a bunch of orphans were, for reasons left vague, experimented on by a scientistwho merges them with creatures from beyond (implanting them with some sort ofextradimensional parasite/worm thingy that clings to their spines, as it turns out). In the presentday, the one orphan who escaped the worst of the experiments is Christian Slater, who goesaround digging up rare artifacts…
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Riding the Bullet

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on April 27th, 2005

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Synopsis

Set for no very compelling reason in 1969, this story sees death-obsessed art student Jonathan Jackson walking and hitch-hiking his way along spooky Maine highway in the middle of the night, trying to make it a hundred miles to where his stroke-felled mother (Barbara Hershey) lies in a hospital. Jackson has such a vivid imagination that neither he nor the viewer really knows what, if anything, we see is real, particularly when he is picked up by a messenger of death (David Arquette), driving…
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Amityville Horror Collection, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on April 4th, 2005

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Synopsis

The Amityville Horror (1979) remains one of the most successful haunted house movies ever. Based on a supposedly true story (emphasis on “supposedly”), the film sees George and Kathy Lutz (James Brolin and Margot Kidder) buy their dream home, only to be driven out by supernatural events (little girl makes friends with demonic piggie, blood runs from the walls, and so on). In scenes that have so little to do with the rest of the action they might almost belong to a separate movie, Rod …
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Dead Birds

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 1st, 2005

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Synopsis

1863. After a brutal bank robbery, with plenty of civilians brutally slaughtered, a group ofConfederate deserters hole up in an abandoned farmhouse to pass the night before heading downto Mexico. There are already a few problems: the younger brother of leader Henry Thomas hasbeen injured, and two of the other gang members are thinking they should have a larger shareof the gold (i.e. all of it). But they will all soon have much bigger worries, as the house is stalkedby demon…
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Exorcist — The Beginning

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on February 23rd, 2005

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Synopsis

In 1949, Father Merrin (Stellan Skarsgård), lapsed of faith and now an archaeologist for hire,heads off to Kenya, where Byzantine church has just been uncovered in a location it doesn’tbelong. The opening of the church unleashes the evil contained therein, which, not content withpossessing a little boy, gradually puts the locals and the British military force at each other’sthroats. Merrin must regain his faith and confront the demon (cue the exorcism of the title).

Grudge, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on February 13th, 2005

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The Ring was an almost overnight success. Based on a Japanese horror film, it was “Americanized” and captured audiences with its creepy cinematography and wickedly sinister story. It was inevitable that the formula would be tried again.

You would think that The Grudge has everything necessary to continue that successful story. The Grudge is based on not one but a well known series of haunted house films in Japan. Spider Man’s own Sam Raimi teams up with Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Ge…
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Dracula 3000

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 21st, 2005

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Synopsis

The salvage ship Mother III comes across a derelict ship that has been floating in space for50 years. The crew (oh-so-cleverly named after the main characters in Bram Stoker’s novel)board the ship, and before you know it, are up against Dracula himself. The idea is halfwayinteresting, what with a setting of eternal night in a future where no one believes in God. UdoKier even puts in an appearance as the video diary of the derelict’s deceased captain, in a niceecho of the ep…
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Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 17th, 2005

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Synopsis

Centuries ago, a gargoyle is shot down by a priest and sealed in the ground. In present-dayRomania, an earthquake breaks the seal and unleashes a host of monsters on Bucharest. CIAoperative Michael Paré is investigating what at first appears to be a series of kidnappings, buteventually finds himself up against the mythical beasts.

The dialogue consists of cobbled-together clichés (and bargain-basement ones at that), andthe plot makes no sense. The Romanian setting i…
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Witch Who Came From The Sea, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on January 12th, 2005

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Synopsis

Molly (Millie Perkins) is seriously disconnected from reality. She tells her two nephewswonderful tales about their grandfather, whom she declares a saint, even though we see (indisturbing flashbacks), that he repeatedly raped her. She also enjoys ogling well-built men andfantasizing about their violent deaths. But she doesn’t stop at fantasizing…

Well! Here she is, Anne Frank herself (from the 1959 film) all grown up and castrating menwith safety razors. This is …
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Open Water

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 29th, 2004

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Synopsis

An over-worked couple (Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis) whose marriage, while not indanger, has clearly reached some difficult shoals, head off on a diving vacation. A mix-up (whichis disturbingly credible) results in the tour ship leaving them behind. Stuck in the middle of theocean, they float together, hoping against hope for rescue, growing cold and hungry. And thenthere is the marine life. Like stinging jellyfish. And sharks…

The trailers made this look like…
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Shaun of the Dead

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 29th, 2004

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Synopsis

Shaun (co-writer Simon Pegg) is on the cusp of his thirties, and still has growing up to do.He and girlfriend Liz wind up in the Winchester pub every night, and she’s sick of it, much to thedelight of her roommates Liz and David (the latter being an insufferable twit who pines for Liz).His best friend Ed is a pig, and has crashed permanently in Shaun’s house, much to thedispleasure of his housemate, Pete. Liz dumps Shaun, who thinks his life is over. Then, hegradually becom…
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Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 23rd, 2004

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Synopsis

Apocalypse picks up where the first Resident Evil left off. The sinisterUmbrella Corporation re-opens its underground lab, and in so doing unleashes the T-Virus onRacoon City. The metropolis is cordoned off to contain the infection, and there are only a handfulof survivors left who, led by the now superhuman Alice (Mila Jovovich), must escape the citybefore it is sanitized (i.e.nuked).

The scale is far more grandiose than the first film, and there is m…
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AVP: Alien vs. Predator

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 21st, 2004

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Synopsis

Set in the near future, well before the Alien films but after the Predatorfranchise, AVP has a group of scientists and security experts in the pay of the LanceHenriksen (Weyland, of the Weyland-Utani Corporation that plays such an important role in theAlien films) arrive in Antarctica. Here they find a pyramid buried deep in the ice, whichturns out to be a Predator training site. A trio of these creatures arrives for training, but thehumans have …
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Jackhammer Massacre, The

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 14th, 2004

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Synopsis

Aaron Gaffey plays Jack, whom we first meet in a warehouse, strung out, paranoid andfestering, and who, given some unholy drug cocktail overdose, flips his lid and kills histormentors with a jackhammer (hence, the title). Extended flashbacks then show us how Jackdescended into a hell of drug addiction, and he now takes orders from the hallucination of hisdead best friend. The orders, unsurprisingly, consists in killing as many people as possible withthe jackhammer.

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Dead End

Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on December 7th, 2004

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Synopsis

Pater familias Ray Wise is driving his squabbling family to his in-laws for Christmas. Whilethe rest of the family dozes, he takes a turn off the Interstate for a change of pace, then almostgets into an accident when he falls asleep himself. Now on an unfamiliar road, the family picksup a mysterious woman in white, and they then find themselves spiralling down into nightmare,where they are picked off one by one by supernatural forces while journeying down a road thatnever e…
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