Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 31st, 2008
“Gaze too long into the abyss and the abyss gazes back at you…”
The original Pulse film was a remake of an Asian horror film, part of the recent trend of converting many of these titles into American retellings. That trend appears to also include strong warnings against technology and linking ghostly apparitions with some form of technology, from video tapes to cell phones. I’m pretty sure they’re right about the cell phones. In Pulse it was pretty much all technology that could act as a conduit for the restless dead to come to the world of the living. The internet and such access ports as laptops became the real killers. The second film brought us the complete breakdown of society, and now 7 years from that point we have Pulse 3. By now what remains of humanity lives in scattered rural areas. The cities have been abandoned, left to the dead. Technology is now the stuff of evil in the almost religious culture that has developed in the remaining people. If you haven’t seen either of the earlier films you might be a little lost, but not so much that you can’t get into this film. The problem is that this film, like its previous incarnations, isn’t good enough for you to want to get into. In case you need to know here are some basics: Ghosts can’t pass red barriers. Something in that wavelength traps them. They are all restless and drain the life force from anyone they encounter. They travel through electronic equipment. Mostly they appear to inhabit the internet.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on December 29th, 2008
Visits – “an anthology of bone-chilling horror”? Well, it has its moments, I will say that. The most effective scenes are the ones that don’t call attention to the scare elements. Scenes that involve one or two little things out of the ordinary that don’t smack you in the face, but actually force a double-take in considering what it was you just saw – that’s when this quartet of horror tales is at its peak. Too many hack horror movies nowadays come pre-packaged for disaster, placing all their little synthetic jumps in the same places they’ve always put them, signifying to the audience, “It’s okay to be scared now.” What happened to films like Bob Clark’s original Black Christmas, where the director lays it all out and lets the audience use its brain to decide what is (and isn’t) scary?
I blame Carpenter’s Halloween, with its simple, creepy musical score, and its stunning musical “stabs.” Grant it, Halloween did this effectively. But that’s because Carpenter knew what the hell he was doing. Unfortunately, the imitators that came after did not.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 20th, 2008
The box art on this film promises: “This campy splatterfest is 100% pure brainless fun”. Finally, truth in advertising. If you’re looking for anything else except what’s promised here, you really need to look elsewhere for some entertainment. But there is a place for this kind of thing, and if you’re willing to ask no questions, this movie will tell you no lies. I’m impressed that the makers of this movie never pretend to be anything else. All too often with these kinds of affairs you watch a feature or listen to a commentary and realize that these guys are taking themselves way too seriously. They act like they’re making high art, or some important classic milestone. Not so with these guys. They’re just having wicked fun, and they invite you to do the same.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on December 3rd, 2008
December 3, 2008 11:07 A.M.: Dear Diary. Today I had a very harrowing experience. I think this event has left me feeling rather shaken, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to forget the horrors I have just witnessed. It all started when I decided to watch the new direct to video horror film Zombie Diaries. I just couldn’t wait. As I picked up the box and read the interesting description, my heart just went pitter patter in my chest. The box promised the best zombie film since 28 Days Later, maybe even the best zombie movie ever. Well, I’ll tell you what, dear diary, that was something I just had to see. So, without hesitation, and maybe shaking somewhat in unbridled anticipation, I placed the disc into my player and watched restlessly through the start-up screens. When I was finally presented with the play option I nearly dropped the DVD remote, I was so eager to press play. It took some effort, but I was able to calm myself enough to work the small buttons of the remote. That FBI warning came on, and as I watched with baited breath, it happened.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on November 9th, 2008
Rob Zombie’s enthusiastic but terminally misguided remake scores yet another DVD release. This one is identical to the previous unrated edition, apart from the fact that there’s an extra disc. More on that later. But in the meantime, as everything else is the same, that will also be true for this review. What follows is what I said about the last version.
“The trailer trash Myers family (inexplicably living in a pretty big house) is a powder keg waiting to go off, what with the rampaging abuse and a young Michael (the admittedly creepy Daeg Faerch) butchering small animals and looking like he’s mad as hell and soon not going to take it anymore. Snap he does, going on a killing spree, before he is captured and locked up for years, while eccetric shrink Dr. Loomis (a shameless Malcolm McDowell) making a career out of trying to learn what makes him tick. Growing to Godzilla proportions, Michael makes his escape, and proceeds to pick up his spree where he left off in his home town of Haddonfield.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on November 1st, 2008
You simply know you’re in trouble when one of these video titles begins with that age old “inspired by disturbing true events” line. As I watched the film, I couldn’t find anything even remotely based on a true case. I dug deeper and found an obscure remark from writer and director Bryan Bertino that explains he was inspired by the events of the Charlie Manson murders of the 1960’s. You’ve got to be kidding me. There isn’t anything about this film that reminds me of those famous killings. If you say so, Bryan. The film is closer to the recent film Vacancy than anything else I could find. Like that film, we have a troubled couple suddenly pursued by a seemingly random act of violence.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on November 1st, 2008
The very first thing you need to know is that this film has absolutely nothing in common with the 1980 cult classic except for the name. Everyone involved has admitted the fact, so, if you’re looking for an update on an old memory, you really are in for a disappointment. The truth is, even if you aren’t expecting the old story you’re in for a huge letdown. Everything about this film screams mundane, from the killer to the story to the acting. The problem is that the film has no niche. It’s definitely not a slasher or splatter film. You won’t find enough blood to give a fruit fly a transfusion. It’s not a horror film per se. The killer isn’t a supernatural being of any kind. He’s just your run of the mill escaped stalker. The film isn’t very suspenseful, and there isn’t any real mystery here. So, what in the heck is this movie? A mess, that’s what it is.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on November 1st, 2008
After a violent bank robbery, a trio of criminals descend upon the beach house retreat of a nun and her students. The bad guys take the women hostage, and make themselves at home, tormenting, raping and abusing to their hearts’ content, pushing their victims ever further over the edge.
At the level of plot, not a lot goes on here. The villains are ensconced at the beach house within the first ten minutes, and then story does little more than go through variations of torment until the inevitable retaliation. Nonetheless, there is a fair bit of interest here. The assaults, though very unpleasant and extremely nasty in their content, are, however, filmed with a certain restraint, with the camera concentrating on the faces of attackers and victims rather than on their bodies. Ray Lovelock’s gang leader is a deceptively pleasant pretty boy, and his character arc consistently plays out against expectations. And then there’s the climax, which turns up again almost beat for beat at the end of Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on October 25th, 2008
Two inept thieves and their prostitute girlfriend decide to hit the big time, crime-wise, by kidnapping the little girl (clearly and disturbingly dubbed by an adult) of an automobile tycoon. When their contact manages to get himself run over by a car while crossing the street, they have to hightail it out of town until the heat cools (or something like that – don't press me too hard for clear logic in this film). So off they head to what I suppose is the South American jungle, by my goodness there seem to be a lot of pine trees in the jungle. There they hole up at the home of a friend-of-a-friend, a middle-aged man who has the role Jess Franco would be playing if this were a Jess Franco film. He has a beautiful wife, and one of the thieves takes it in his head to rape her. So their host now has vengeance on his mind, and there are cannibals (you were wondering when I was going to get to them, weren't you?) lurking in the woods.
This is the sort of movie that makes life worth living. Sure, you could throw away your 90 minutes on something that is actually good, but in that case you would miss the following: cannibalism sequences where, once the victim has been killed, the carcass being gutted is very, very obviously that of a pig; the most pasty-skinned, European looking cannibals on record, complete with gruesome 70s hairstyles (I swear Sonny Bono is among their number); characters trudging through the brush, ignoring the road visible not three yards from them; and of course, the truck that cruises by in the background of the cannibal village, supposedly deep in the heart of darkness, but clearly a stone's throw from a highway and a beach (look for this wonderful moment at the 92 minute mark). And I haven't even said a word about the hilariously chipper, gratingly hummable Euro soundtrack.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on October 4th, 2008
A group of exotic dancers head off to a resort in the hills, ostensibly to shoot a film, but instead fall into evil clutches. The torture begins for them and that point, but it began for the audience prior to the opening credits. While the monologue that begins the film hints that there might have been an idea buried somewhere in here concerning the abusive objectification of women through history, the film decides to incarnate that idea rather than critique it, and do so very clumsily at that. The makeup effects are beyond risible, and the cinematography consists primarily of headache-inducing shaky close-ups. Another nail in the coffin of the torture porn subgenre.
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