Genre

The SyFy Channel has been making original films for quite a few years. Unfortunately, they've mostly been known for their quite bad computer-generated f/x and rather silly plots and stories. It says quite a lot to me that I'm such a huge horror/science fiction fan but have never found one of these original movies to be even remotely good. Instead, I've found myself wincing with each new ridiculous script and every unimaginable lame creature the series has presented. The Maneater Series has been as guilty as any of the themed series in their efforts.

It's the old West, 1898. Sam (Marsters) is about to be hanged for robbing a train where some folks got killed. We later find out their deaths were an accident. So Sam isn't a stone-cold killer, but is going to hang nonetheless. Just as the sheriff is about to spring the trap and drop Sam on into infinity, the town is attacked by a large creature that looks like a giant silver ball with exoskeleton appendages and a tail that shoots radioactive projectiles. Talk about your tail gunner. The creature kills a lot of the folks gathered to watch the hangin', and the mayhem ends up freeing Sam. Instead of running, Sam remains to help fight off the creature and save as many folks as he can, including the sheriff who was about to stretch his neck. Before long a group of survivors is fighting off what turns out to be hundreds of creatures being dropped from a spaceship. The group includes Rose (Van Heteren), a bounty hunter who still wants her two thousand dollar reward for bringing in Sam. There's Abigail (Sampson) who happens to be Sam's old flame. He didn't know this was where she lived these days. Finally, there's Dr. Jules Arning (Knapp) who has been extracting uranium ore, which is what has been attracting the creatures. Together they decide to use the doc's uranium stash to blow up the creatures and their huge ship.

"I make a living in the movies, but for the past 20 years I've also been a cop. And, along with some of the finest deputies on the force, I serve the people of Jackson Parish, Louisiana. My name is Steven Seagal. That's right, Steven Seagal, deputy sheriff."

We've all seen Steven Seagal kick the bad guys butts in the movies. Since 1988's Above The Law, Seagal has gained a reputation for playing a tough guy. What most people didn't know is that for just about as long he has been a fully commissioned police officer working a beat in Southern Louisiana. Recruited by the legendary Sherriff Harry Lee, Seagal works as a reserve officer for the Sherriff's office there. He pretty much does what any cop in the field would do. He responds to calls, makes arrests, and serves in whatever capacity might be required. He also uses his own extensive martial arts training to teach workshops for his fellow officers and up-and-coming officers in training. Now, on the surface you might be tempted to look upon this work as some kind of publicity stunt or half baked celebrity honorary role. The fact that A&E is now doing a reality show on his exploits on the force would tend to solidify such feelings. However, the truth is that he's been doing it for 20 years, actually going out of his way to avoid bringing attention to the gig. Believe it or not, this stuff's for real.

"If you can control the sky, you can control the world."

With the current remake of Ray Harryhausen's Clash Of The Titans, is it any real surprise that there might be a resurgence of interest in the gods and goddesses of Mt. Olympus in Greek mythology? The Greeks created an entire family of deities to explain the various natural elements and phenomena around them. There were gods of the sea and of the underworld. There were even gods of wine and music. It was believed that these supernatural beings sat high on the highest point of the Greek island nation, interfering in the affairs of men to settle their own petty squabbles and arguments. Being all-powerful was somewhat boring, and so these beings, with very human qualities of greed, jealousy, and spite, played an endless game with the lives of the mere humans for their own entertainment and amusement.

Think of it as The Odd Couple Private Investigation Agency. These guys might be brothers, but they have only one thing in common, and that’s their skills as private investigators. Otherwise they are as far apart as night and day. A.J.’s (Parker) the clean cut, nearly anal member of the sibling pair. He sees the detective game more in the mainstream world and tries to play things straight and by the book. Rick (McRaney), on the other hand, is a slob of a guy. He’s the kick back let life come to him sort of chap. He doesn’t pick up very much after himself. He lives a Bohemian lifestyle complete with houseboat and Sanford and Son beat up pick ‘em up truck. Neither of them are pulling in very much money and have to deal with Mom’s (Carver) disapproval of their chosen profession. The two treat everything like a competition and take sibling rivalry to new heights. They were also in heated competition with the detective agency on the same block, run by crotchety old Myron Fowler (Barth) and his daughter Janet (Wilson). Janet eventually becomes a district attorney and really gets under the brothers’ skin. Unfortunately she’s absent on all but a couple of the third season’s cases. The pair  worked with rather off-the-wall detective Downtown Brown played by WKRP’s own Venus Flytrap, Tim Reid. He was one of those “end justifies the means” kind of a guy.

The cases were always just a little over their heads and often led them into various traps, gunfights, and car chases. The real charm of the show was watching the brothers working together. They would fight and argue about pretty much everything. Still, when the chips were down, they could always each depend on the other to have his back. They weren’t the brightest of detectives and fell into as many clues by dumb luck as through good investigation technique. It was most definitely a lighter show than most of the detective shows of the 80’s. Miami Vice this was not. The pair went against the mold in almost every aspect. They were not very good with the ladies. They didn’t drive hot fast cars. They were almost always out of money. And they carried themselves as immature frat boys most of the time. The appeal was their Joe Public image. It must have worked, because the show ran for nearly a decade.

One of my soft-spots in films (puns aside) are erotic thrillers. This genre includes some of my favorite movies of all time include the likes of Basic Instinct, Sliver & Fatal Attraction. As it turns out, Basic Instinct & Sliver’s screenplay was written by one Joe Eszterhas. Then I get a copy of Jade to review on Blu-Ray which just also happens to feature Joe on screenplay credits. Color me interested.

Kyle Medford has been murdered at his own lavish estate. He was found with a fertility mask on his head and the murder weapon was a hatchet that looks to be from the middle ages. On the scene is David Corelli (played by David Caruso), an assistant D.A. with political aspirations who is there to investigate the case. The place is thoroughly searched and one of the most interesting things they find on the premises appears to be an assortment of metal tins that contain pubic hair.

Growing up in life came a little later for me than most people. Most people seem to hit maturity right around their later teen years and early twenties. Honestly, I didn’t really grow up until I hit my mid twenties. But what would happen if one was forced to grow up sooner, say around their seventeenth birthday? Well then, you might be like Jenny Mellor from An Education who had to grow up a lot sooner than she probably expected to.

It’s 1961 in England. Jenny Mellor (played by Carey Mulligan) is 16 and entering her last year of school. She studies literature, plays the cello and is certain to ace her A-levels and be accepted to Oxford University. Her weakness is currently Latin but she promises to bring up that grade as soon as possible. Or else her father, Jack (played by Alfred Molina) says that she won’t make Oxford.

Coach Al Collins sets out to not only assemble a high school basketball team, but to rebuild their gym lost in hurricane Katrina, salvage his home, help each player find hope in their lives as family and property is lost in the storm, and turn them into a championship winning squad. Had this story been fiction, it would seem outrageous, but Hurricane Season is based on an actual man and his real life journey from complete decimation thanks to Katrina, to Coach of champions.

A young criminal (I assume he's a criminal of some sort) owes a major debt to a Columbian kingpin and he enlists his brother, K, for help. K bumps up a planned armoured car heist by a month in order to help, and the adventure starts there as we see a rag-tag gang pull of said heist and then plan their final moves in a rented warehouse.

"We're back..."

The Chipmunks began life oddly enough as a singing group, of sorts. They were the brainchild of struggling songwriter Ross Bagdasarian and were named after the three chief executives at Liberty records. His own alter ego David Seville’s name came from his World War II Army station in Spain. The Chipmunks first appeared in a 1958 record called The Witch Doctor, but wouldn’t officially become The Chipmunks until later that year when The Chipmunks Christmas Song was released. It is for that Christmas music that I most remember the group. They first appeared as puppets on The Ed Sullivan Show. Alvin and the boys got their own television show in 1961. When Ross died in 1972, the Chipmunks would continue on under the guidance of his son. In 1983 The Chipmunks had yet another popular cartoon show and had appeared in countless specials and films. Today they are pretty much a hallmark at the holidays, and a Christmas song collection just wouldn’t be complete without them.

Warner nearly singlehandedly invented the cartoon medium as we know it today with the advent of their various Bugs Bunny and associates cartoons. Ever since the early 1930’s these characters have become an indelible part of the American pop culture. Their images became an important part of the World War II effort and even helped to put a face on the issues of the Great Depression. They represent one of the richest histories in animation, second only to Walt Disney. There are some, I’m sure, that would argue they might even belong in front of Uncle Walt. When I was growing up in the 1970’s, I had no idea I was enjoying cartoons and characters that were already 40 years old. The truth is that my grandfather had been a fan of these same cartoons when he was a kid. Today the Warner cycle of Loony Tunes cartoons is over 70 years young. Things might have changed with the passing of Mel Blanc, who provided most of those familiar voices for much of that time, but Bugs and the gang are still out there and going strong.

Which brings us to Bugs Easter Funnies.