IFC Films

Oregon may have been the 33rd state to join our union — and Portland may be its most populous city — but Portlandia is a (dog-dressing, raw milk-drinking, Seattle-hating) state of mind. And after three seasons of lovingly mocking upper middle class indulgence along with the denizens of the Pacific Northwest, Portlandia — created by stars Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein and director Jonathan Krisel — feels more like a fully-realized destination than ever.

Oregon may have been the 33rd state to join our union — and Portland may be its most populous city — but Portlandia is a state of mind. And according to the surreal IFC sketch series created by stars Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein and director Jonathan Krisel, that state of mind is happily stuck in the simpler time represented by the '90s.

I think most of us can agree that being buried alive would be a horrible way to go. Several movies — Kill Bill: Vol. 2, The Vanishing (not the soft American remake) and, of course, Buried — have exploited that terror to varying degrees of success. Though the action in A Lonely Place to Die centers around a girl found buried in the Scottish Highlands, the camera frequently pulls way back to show us the desolate beauty (and danger) of the mountainous setting. I really wish director Julian Gilbey had kept the action on those mountains.

Oh, Peter Facinelli, how I hope that this movie that just landed in my lap does NOT feature you with glitter thrown all over your body. This movie is called Loosies, and no not as in loose like Kristen Stewart. I am hoping that the tag line, “Love is not a crime”, does not mean complete suckage, but from the description on the back... I am not hoping for much. I loathe chick flicks, and this reeks of one. But on we go with an open mind and an open beer (Okay, okay, so it's a root beer! Geez!)!

The Durr household often enjoys a good vampire flic to warm the candlelight around the old HDTV (hey, shouldn't I be writing this for the 31 days of October delight?). The taste of blood, the price of your soul, nothing can prepare you for the demons that are right outside your door. Sure, they can promise you sexual pleasure and immortality but that blood is really hard to get out of your clothes. This evening we explore the title We Are the Night featuring four ghoulish women on the cover. Will they sate our palette for blood or perhaps share with us grooming tips? Let's find out.

Romantic comedies are the bane of most male's movie watching lives. Imagine everything that turns your stomach into sour grapes. A handsome leading guy, a wining leading lady and more holes in the plot than that one pair of underwear that you just can't get rid of. Well, despite the court restraining orders, despite the risk of self-mutilation, I review a harrowing title today named simply Love, Wedding, Marriage. May the gods help us through this one.

This documentary tracks a year in the life of Joan Rivers. We begin at a relatively low ebb in her career, with her finding it difficult to land desirable gigs. She throws herself into the production of an autobiographical play that debuts in Edinburgh, and her hope is that the London reception will be glowing enough to provide enough momentum for a Stateside production. Meanwhile, she and daughter Melissa are contestants on Celebrity Apprentice. As the film follows the ups and downs of these efforts (concentrating particularly on the play), Rivers opens up about her life and career.

8 corporate hopefuls gather at a mysterious location and are instructed to take one final exam as a final test to see which one will walk away with a prestigious job at a major company. The trouble is their exam papers are blank, and it would seem that there is not even a question to answer. For 80 minutes each must solve the puzzle without being disqualified by breaking one of the few rules, all of which double as a riddle/clue to solving the exam question and answer.

In Macao, a trio of gunmen butcher a family. Only the mother survives (barely), and her father (aging French rocker Johnny Hallyday, looking as hardboiled and grotesque as Mickey Rourke), a restaurateur who knows altogether too much about how to get by in the violent underworld, comes to town and sets out on a mission of vengeance. He hires a trio of hit men, and works with them in tracking down his enemies. They have to do so quickly, though, because Hallyday has been shot before, and the bullet lodged in his brain is gradually stealing his memory away. He wants his revenge while he can still remember why it is necessary.

Manchuria, the 1930s. The Japanese army has just acquired a treasure map, and are transporting it across the desert wastes by train. But the man who sold the map wants it back, and engages a snappily dressed killer (Byung-hun Lee) to steal it back. He is, of course, the Bad. He stages a spectacular (and spectacularly violent) train robbery. As fate would have it, at precisely the same moment, the Weird (Kang-ho Song) is also robbing the train, and the Good, in the form of a bounty hunter (Woo-sung Jung) is on board, too. The Weird makes off with the map, and what follows is a series of chases as the various factions scramble to get that map.