Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on April 12th, 2009
The sleaze of the grindhouse era inspires a special kind of love. Warped, dubious, indefensible, yet real all the same. Part of that love is a nostalgia from those bad old days. But it takes an even more special brand of that special love to seek to recreate forgotten exploitation genres, and yet that is what we have here: the first Nazisploitation flick in close to thirty years.
With Nazi hunters closing in, former SS commandant Helmut Schultz recounts to a priest his activities as the ruler of Stalag 69. In the closing days of the war, he performs terrible scientific experiments, along with the expected torture, on an international (and co-ed) group of POWs. Said prisoners, meanwhile, plot their escape and their revenge.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 10th, 2009
Donkey Punch was partially funded by the British Lottery. That means you might have actually lost twice. Once if you bought a losing ticket, and again if you watched this movie made possible by your gambling itch. Mama always said nothing good comes out of gambling. Turns out she was right. If this is what the British Lottery Authority is doing with the money, you’re better off going to a bookie. At least Mario “The Shark” Cabliario will spend the money on something worthwhile, like women and booze.
The movie begins with three young women on a tropical vacation. They meet three guys at a bar, who claim to have a yacht parked (okay docked) nearby. The dudes wanna know if the chicks wanna party. They say definitely not. Are you kidding? Of course, they say yes. Turns out these fine upstanding lads crew a yacht for some rich guy who is out of town. That leaves them alone with the toys. Kind of reminds me of the Jimmy Buffet song, Gypsies In The Palace. After a few drinks and a few drugs, the trio and one of the guys’ brother head below to make out. If these scenes get tiresome, bring a book to your theater. The sex scene rambles on for over 20 minutes. Finally, the lame brother decides to take a turn with one of the girls. He’s not too bright. He decides to try a stunt his brother told him about called a donkey punch. Apparently it’s this sexual myth. While having sex with a chick you smack her so hard upside the head that it breaks her neck. Why, I have no idea, but the kid tries it and kills the girl. Now everyone panics. The guys, for the most part, want to dump the girl in the ocean and claim she got so drunk and high that she fell overboard. The girls, understandably, aren’t too keen on that idea. At first they don’t even know how it happened, and assume she overdosed or something. Unfortunately, one of the guys was videotaping the entire orgy and caught the donkey punch on tape. The next half hour is a battle between the factions to gain possession of the tape.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 10th, 2009
Doubt is a case of art imitating art imitating life. John Patrick Shanley based the character of Sister James on a real sister that he knew as a child. He grew up attending Catholic school, and Sister James was one of the nuns he knew during that experience. While the character was based on something real, the events were not. He took this familiar character and developed the fictional story of Doubt around her. This story became a play. W hen it came to adapting the successful play into a movie, John Patrick Shanley took on the job nearly singlehandedly. Now, I’m not a huge fan of these one man writer, director, producer affairs. The infliction of a single voice on a film often results in a movie that plays too much like an inside joke. Nothing is more tedious to watch than a person laughing at their own jokes. So, I went into Doubt expecting that recipe for disaster. Much to my surprise, I discovered that there really are rare exceptions to any rule. Doubt is that rare exception, without a doubt.
Meryl Streep is Sister Aloysius. She is a very conservative sister who can’t let go of the strict traditions of the past. She has taken a strong disliking to the new parish priest, Father Flynn. Flynn is a progressive priest who embraces the new changes the Church has undergone under the recent Second Vatican Council. The film is set in the early 1960’s shortly after the Pope John XXXIII’s proclamation. She takes exception to the fact that he writes with a ball point pen, takes sugar in his tea, and likes Frosty the Snowman, which she believes promotes such ideas as witchcraft to children. She admonishes the nuns under her supervision to watch the priest for anything suspicious. When young Sister James (Adams) calls a particular incident to her attention, she latches on to the information in an effort to bring down the priest. It appears that Father Flynn has taken a young boy under his wing. The boy, Donald Miller (Foster) is the Catholic school’s first black student and not the most welcome young lad. Father Flynn’s special attention is at first interpreted by Sister James as suspicious when Donald returns to her class from a conference with the priest acting considerably distraught. Now Sister Aloysius suspects the boy was molested. She confronts the priest and engages in a brutal campaign to have him exposed, or at least removed from the parish. All the while Sister James becomes more and more convinced she has misjudged the situation and set in motion a terrible injustice that she is now powerless to contain. Her doubt wears heavily on her soul.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 8th, 2009
John Patrick Shanley brings his thought provoking play to the big screen in 2008’s best picture, in my book, Doubt. The Academy likely shied away from the controversial content, likely because it doesn’t make it clear this priest must have done what he’s accused of doing. Many of the actors received deserved nominations, but the film was generally snubbed in the final verdict. While I enjoyed Slumdog Millionaire, for Doubt to not even get the Best Picture nomination is a crime.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 6th, 2009
“I know I’m too old to love comics as much as I do. But, in comics, the villain can launch a missile at a superhero and the hero just keeps on coming. And then the villain can throw an atomic bomb, or an asteroid, or an entire planet at the hero, but that won’t stop them either, because a real superhero’s like a force of nature and when I read comics I get a faint glimpse of what it would be like to be not just stronger, or faster, or smarter than ordinary people, but what it would be like to be unstoppable”.
Who among us hasn’t felt that way at one time or another in our lives? We all have the desire to feel that in some way we are…Special.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 6th, 2009
If you can’t see where this thing is going after 10 minutes, check your forehead for lobotomy scars. I strongly suspect that everyone associated with this film, from the writer to the actors to the money people who thought this was a good idea, all have matching scars. The box art claims that someone from Bloody Disgusting calls this the best time travel movie of all time. What?! Either that guy was taking some serious medication at the time, or he was paid off, or his sister worked on the film in some capacity, or he’s actually managed to never see films like: Back To The Future,The Time Machine (both versions), Time After Time, Star Trek IV, Frequency, Somewhere In Time, or Jaws. Okay, so I made the last one up. It’s still a better time travel film than Timecrimes.
I can’t really even offer you much on the plot without destroying what mystery might exist for you, should you decide to ignore my warnings and give the movie a spin for yourself. Suffice it to say that the film thrives on paradox. The acting is simply horrible. There’s a limited cast, but you’d think they could find just three or four actors that could…you know….well….act. It makes some attempt at being a horror film, but even those aspects are quite laughable. And there’s the only chance you have of enjoying this film. Every now and again, I’ve had guys over for what we used to call Schlock – O – Rama. The idea is too laugh our behinds off at the absurdity of what we were watching. You pick up the lamest looking film you can find, and away you go. It’s like your own private Mystery Science Fiction Theater.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 3rd, 2009
To Catch A Thief is not typical Alfred Hitchcock territory, but then again, it really is. It’s not a terribly suspenseful film coming from the acclaimed “Master of Suspense”, nor is it at all a frightening film even though it was directed by one of horror’s genius minds. What really is scary, however, is how close to a different film this almost was. Cary Grant had exiled himself into retirement. If you can believe his statements at the time, he was concerned that the moviegoing public was pretty much sick of seeing him and preferred the younger actors just then coming of age. He turned Hitchcock down for the role at least twice, before Hitch made a personal visit and appeal to the Hollywood legend. Grace Kelly was also reluctant to do the part. She did it because she loved working for Hitch. Unfortunately, Paramount had other plans. They were troubled that Grant was nearly twice Kelly’s age, and worried either the public or the standards censors would not accept the situation. They were half right. While the film was one of Hitch’s toughest battle with the Standards folks, the public flocked to see Grant and Kelly on the screen together. Grant would continue his return to acting for over a decade longer. Not so Grace Kelly. The Philadelphia native would have her faithful meeting with Prince Rainier of Monaco and would spend nearly 30 years portraying the larger than life, but real nonetheless, Princess Grace of Monaco, before a tragic automobile accident would end her life. All the same, To Catch A Thief would remain one of her last films. Hitch almost lured her out of retirement some years later, but she declined, saying that if she were to do a film, Hitchcock was about the only man she would have done it for.
John Robie (Grant) is a renowned jewel thief and cat burglar. While he’s been retired for fifteen years, he’s still the prime suspect when a rash of burglaries occurs on the French Riviera. The MO is the same as Robie’s, and before long the police are blaming him for the work of France’s newest celebrity thief, The Cat. Robie sees only one chance to get himself out from under the mess. He has to go to the area and catch the real thief. Once there he hooks up with insurance agent Hughson (Williams) who cooperates on the off chance his company can be spared these high payouts. Robie also meets young and attractive socialite Frances Stevens (Kelly), who sets her sights on catching this thief for her own. She constantly tries to seduce Robie, knowing who he is and suspecting him of being The Cat. When her own family jewels turn up missing, she begins to rethink the dangerous game she was playing. That only gives Robie even more incentive to catch the real crook. Will Robie catch The Cat? Will Frances catch Robie? Only Hitch knew for sure, and in 1955 audiences found out in the film classic, To Catch A Thief.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on April 2nd, 2009
A short time ago in a galaxy right in your own back yard….(cue music)
Star Wars Episode XXCV: The Clone Wars: A Galaxy Divided DVD Release:
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on April 1st, 2009
What would you get if you were to cross the films Dangerous Minds and Waiting for Guffman? Well, add a liberal helping of High School Musical and you might end up with Hamlet 2 (though it is difficult to imagine the High School Musical drones belting out songs like “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” and “Raped in the Face” with such gusto).
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Athena on March 23rd, 2009
Hi, Athena here. Well, this is going to be my last post for the doggie movies at Upcomingdiscs. Gino says it’s time to retire. He says my investments need to be cashed in so I can take it easy, before they’re all gone. I guess that means someone’s trying to eat up my treats. They better watch out or I’m going to go Siberian Husky all over them. I may be 14 years old and a little slow, but my teeth work just fine. Just ask Baby. She’s the newest member of the family here, and I had to let her know who the boss is right away, if you know what I mean.
Anyway…enough about me; of course there can never really be enough about me. Let’s talk about the latest Disney animation film, and the latest in a long line of movie dogs, namely Bolt (Travolta). Now, when this movie starts you get to meet Bolt and his human friend, Penny (Cyrus). Penny’s some kind of a spy or something, ‘cept she’s not really very good at it. You see, the bad guy is about to catch her, and I don’t think he wants her to give her some belly rubs. So, supercharged Bolt comes to the rescue. Man, that dog’s almost as cool as a Siberian Husky. He’s got something called super powers. He can shoot laser beams from his eyes and run faster than a race car. He even has a super bark that can cause earthquakes. Gino says it sounds and feels a lot like when I snore at night. Of course, Bolt is some kind of a white shepherd, and while they tried to make him look a little like a Siberian Husky, he isn’t one, so you know he doesn’t really have these super powers. Trust me, if Baby doesn’t watch out, she’s gonna see some real super powers, and that spells B I T E. Bolt is really just the star of a television show. The only thing is no one told Bolt that. So, when he thinks Penny has been kidnapped by the show’s villain, the Green-Eyed Man (McDowell), Bolt goes into action. He escapes his studio trailer and heads out into the great unknown to rescue her, just like on the show. He ends up locked in a box and shipped all the way across the country. Now he has to get back to California, before, at least he thinks, the Green-Eyed Man can do something bad to Penny. Along the way he meets up with a cute kitten, named Mittens (Essman) who was abandoned by her family, so she doesn’t think too highly of humans. He also meets Rhino (Walton), a hamster in a ball, who is a huge fan of Bolt’s television show, and like Bolt, thinks it’s all real. Along the way Bolt finds out that he really is an ordinary dog, and not a Husky, after all. But, this is a Disney film, so Bolt finds out that you don’t have to have super powers to be a super hero. He might not really have to rescue Penny, but she misses him a whole lot and he needs to get back to her.
![Donkey Punch [Unrated] dvd cover art](https://upcomingdiscs.com/ecs_covers/donkey-punch-unrated-large.jpg)
![Doubt [Blu-ray] dvd cover art](https://upcomingdiscs.com/ecs_covers/doubt-blu-ray-large.jpg)
![Bolt (Three-Disc Edition w/ Standard DVD + Digital Copy) [Blu-ray] dvd cover art](https://upcomingdiscs.com/ecs_covers/bolt-three-disc-edition-w-standar-large.jpg)
