Hexed
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on September 3rd, 2005
I can sum up this entire film in a single word; lame. There is nothing sadder than a comedy that is not funny, and this is certainly that. Bad acting, bad jokes and the feel of an 80’s comedy makes this film the very definition of lame. Imagine Blind Date without the humor. Now add blatant rip-offs from Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction. Throw in some bad jokes and you’re ready to go.
The plot has something to do with a hotel bellhop who impersonates people for entertainment, and tells …
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Killer Tomatoes Eat France
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on September 3rd, 2005
Synopsis
Narrowly escaping the guillotine thanks to the intervention of the evil tomatoes, Professor Gangreen (John Astin) sets up shop with Igor in a medieval castle/tourist attraction. A young American tourist, embarrassed at starring in a killer tomatoes movie, pretends to be Michael J. Fox (thus landing a comely French girlfriend), and winds up fighting against the evil doctor and his vegetables. (Or are tomatoes a fruit?)
There are some chuckles to be had in the opening credits, but th…
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Killer Tomatoes Strike Back
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on September 3rd, 2005
Synopsis
Professor Gangreen (John Astin) and his evil killer tomatoes are back with yet another attempt to take over the world. This time, the mad scientist and his hapless assistant Igor are spreading their message by running a trashy TV daytime talk show out of their base on Crystal Mountain (kinda like Crystal Lake, geddit? Cue Friday the 13th parody). Investigating are a clueless hardboiled cop and the oh-so-hot tomatologist.
It is astonishing that a one-joke title spawned an ent…
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Katrina Support
Posted in News and Opinions by Archive Authors on September 1st, 2005
In support of the victims of the horrific disaster in the New Orleans area, we have started a support website to help find temporary homes for those affected. If you are able, please visit Katrina Home to register your space to those in need. Thanks for your support!
Reno 911! The Complete Second Season (Uncensored)
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 27th, 2005
Synopsis
While some sketch shows like The Ben Stiller Show and Mr. Show have managed to touch on the Cops parody with their material, the only one that does it regularly now is a show that uses it for inspiration.
In Reno 911!, produced and aired on Comedy Central, the show focuses on a group of police in the sleepy Nevada town doing what they can to keep law and order. You’ve got Lieutenant Dangle (Thomas Lennon, The State), a bicycle cop who perpetually wears h…
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Out of Sight
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 27th, 2005
Synopsis
After being the hunk of the moment on E.R., George Clooney came out of the starting blocks as a film actor in a few films, ranging the gamut from cult favorite (From Dusk ‘Til Dawn) to somewhat critically praised (The Peacemaker). He was also played the starring role in the film that put the Batman franchise on life support. One of his first smart acting choices came in Out Of Sight, directed by Steven Soderbergh, before Soderbergh became the Hollywood flavor of the mont…
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House on Haunted Hill
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 27th, 2005
Synopsis
Vincent Price is in definitive creepy form as a millionaire who invites an oddball group of characters to spend the night in a sinister house. If his guests survive, they will be paid $10 000. Price is at war with his wife, and it is pretty clear that each would love to see the other dead. Strange events start occurring in the house, with one young woman in particular being driven to the edge of hysteria by one monstrous apparition after another.
Affectionately remade a few years b…
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Red Tent, The
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 26th, 2005
Synopsis
Peter Finch plays Umberto Nobile, an Italian general and explorer who is haunted by his disastrous attempt to fly over the pole in a dirigible in 1928. In the present day, sleepless, he summons the ghosts of his crew and the people affected by the disaster to sit as judge and jury, and the film then proceeds to tell the tale in flashback. When the dirigible crashes, Nobile and his men are marooned on pack ice, while rescue attempts are met with one tragic setback after another. Among those s…
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My Left Foot
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 25th, 2005
Synopsis
This is the biopic of Irish painter and writer Christy Brown. Born with crippling cerebral palsy, he retained movement only in his left foot. His body is a cage for his mind, and at first, only his mother believes that he is an intelligent being. When, as a child, he spells “MOTHER” on the floor in chalk, this is the breakthrough moment, and we follow him through the triumphs and frustrations of his adult years.
The film is markedly different from what one would imagine would be th…
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Dallas – The Complete Third Season
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 24th, 2005
It sometimes becomes quite challenging to write a review of a television show release in the mid-seasons. The opening season of the show has plenty to talk about, and the final season wraps things up, but what about season six, say, of an eleven season show? What is there to say then? “Well, this season involves the same characters doing the same stuff they have been doing for years.”
Lucky for me, this is a mid-season set that has something to talk about. Something big. Something the whole nation was talking…
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Muppets’ Wizard of Oz, The
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 23rd, 2005
Synopsis
Aspiring singer Ashanti (there’s some imaginative casting for you) and her pet Toto (Pepe the king prawn) are transported to Oz by a tornado. The story then plays out in familiar form, with the roles of the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and Wicked Witch of the West being essayed by, respectively, Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzy and Miss Piggy.
Though I have reservations about forging on with the Muppets after Jim Henson’s death, there is still evidence of the old spirit here. The Muppet S…
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Land of the Dead
Posted in News and Opinions by Archive Authors on August 22nd, 2005
Universal will release separate rated and unrated editions of George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead on October 18th. The rated edition (93 minutes) will be presented in a 1.33:1 aspect ration, while the unrated edition (97 minutes) will be presented in a 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer; both versions will include English DTS & Dolby Digital 5.1 audio tracks. In terms of extras, both will include an audio commentary (with George Romero, producer Peter Grumwald and editor Michael Doherty), three featu…
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Pom Poko
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 21st, 2005
Synopsis
When the economic boom in Japan leads to massive deforestation, the raccoons find their habitat threatened. They band together and mount a campaign to stop the destruction of their world by humans. They learn to shape change, and wreak merry havoc with construction crews. Some of their stunts simply frighten the people off, but some of the sabotage is deadly, too.
The packaging and the “From the Creators of Howl’s Moving Castle” might be a bit misleading in this case. Studio…
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Revelations
Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on August 20th, 2005
Evil sells. From the time of Adam and Eve it appears that Satan makes for great storytelling. The mini-series from NBC gets its name, obviously, from Revelations, the final book in the Bible. Combine the idea of pure evil and the end of times and you get… well, The Omen. Revelations deals more with the impending Armageddon than it actually does with the Anti-Christ. The clash of science and religion is far more important in this film than past films like The Omen. Bill Pullman is a good choice here. His portrayal of a Harvard scientist caught in the middle of this epic tale contains just the right reserved element to make him completely believable.
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Boudu Saved From Drowning
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 20th, 2005
Boudu Saved From Drowning is a style of film that is quite popular in the modern independent film scene. Tales of understanding the outcasts and what it means to fit in with the status quo have always been powerful, especially ones such as this one, where the moral is that no particular group or culture is without its drawbacks.
This film tells the story of Boudu, a homeless man who decided to commit suicide by jumping off of a bridge, but is saved by a man of “integrity”. He is then taken in to the ma…
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Momentum
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 19th, 2005
Synopsis
A gang of thieves using telekinetic powers is on the loose. They are the result of CIA experiments decades ago, but only about-to-retire Louis Gossett, Jr. (remember when he had a theatrical release career?) takes the threat seriously. He enlists a similarly powered young physics professor to infiltrate the gang. Meanwhile, FBI agent Teri Hatcher is also on the case. The poor prof is soon in over his head.
Nothing here that hasn’t been done before and better. Take Firestarter, for instance, and that movie isn’t even that good. The production is workmanlike but ho-hum, and the telekinetic drafted to fight bad guys by means of budget-conscious special effects puts me in mind of a failed TV pilot I saw back in the 70s: The Man With The Power.
Audio
The audio is a generous 5.1 (one of the few generous things about this bare-bones disc). The placement of the sound effects is good, and the sense of an environment is quite nicely done. The dialgoue is clear and undistorted. The music sounds fine, though it isn’t exactly booming.
Video
The colours are very strong, with excellent flesh tones. The blacks are deep, the contrasts fine, and the image is sharp. In other words, a very good transfer. So even if what’s on the screen isn’t really worth watching, it looks nice.
Special Features
Nothing here but a trailer for Sin City and (surprise, surprise) Desperate Housewives. The menu is basic.
Closing Thoughts
Deeply ordinary stuff. Don’t waste your time.
Special Features List
- Trailers
Calamari Wrestler, The
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 19th, 2005
Synopsis
A championship wrestling match is disrupted when the winner is challenged by a giant squid. The squid wins by using a move that was the distinctive trademark of a vanished former champion. Could there be a connection? The girlfriend of the current champ, old flame of the former, certainly wonders. There is something about the squid that draws her… Meanwhile, the wrestling bosses want a rematch, but also want the squid to throw the match. He refuses. Can he beat the corruption in the sport …
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Constantine
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 19th, 2005
I’ll bet the script to this film read like a dream. The Exorcist meets Hellboy meets The Mummy. Surely this is the ideal vehicle for Keanu Reeves following his three picture run on The Matrix. Sound too good to be true? Unfortunately, it is. Now, there is a lot that is admirable in this film. For example, the acting, which is is far above the tired bar set by most modern action/sci-fi flicks. Furthermore, the special effects in Constantineare simply fantastic. In fact, I would go so…
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Major Dundee
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 19th, 2005
Synopsis
Charlton Heston is the title character, a Union officer who determines on his own hook to track down a group of Apache raiders. He gathers together a ragtag group of raw recruits, criminals and Confederate prisoners, and heads off to Mexico. His second-in-command is Confederate officer Richard Harris, and the two men have a long history of mutual hatred and respect. Heston forges ahead despite all obstacles, and despite the costs both to his men and to the civilians they encounter.
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Crash (2005)
Posted in News and Opinions by Archive Authors on August 18th, 2005
Lions Gate Home Entertainment will release Crash (starring Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito & Ludacris) on September 6th. This disc will be presented in an anamorphic widescreen transfer, along with English Dolby Digital 2.0 & 5.1 audio tracks. Extras will include an Introduction by Director Paul Haggis, a Director’s Commentary, and a Making-of Featurette.
Columbo – The Complete Third Season
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 14th, 2005
Synopsis
Another eight Columbo mystery movies are included here. The formula they follow is familiar: a murder is committed (and we generally know whodunit right off the bat), and we watch as Columbo, apparently absent-minded, closes in on the culprit, making said individual sweat like the dickens before he closes in for the kill. The episodes here also feature turns by such stars as Martin Sheen, Vincent Price and Johnny Cash, which makes this nostalgic trip all the more fun. These short movies-of-t…
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Star Trek Enterprise – The Complete Second Season
Posted in Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on August 12th, 2005
Season Two of Star Trek Enterprise was without a doubt the weakest of the series. It’s no mystery that the show’s demise was already being talked about by the time Year Two was finished. The stories were unoriginal and it appears budgetary concerns often meant unimaginative bottle shows. The words Star Trek were finally added to the title. Rick Berman has always tried to distance himself from Gene Roddenberry. When Enterprise was first released he felt it was time to finally cut the umbilical cord and drop the franchise tag.
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Paranoid
Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 12th, 2005
Synopsis
Model Jessica Alba heads off to a party in the country with her current boyfriend. The house is owned by the members of a once-popular rock band, and there are creepy dolls and a deaf-mute young woman about. Alba wakes up the next morning abandoned by her boyfriend and imprisoned by the family. The only person who might be able to help her is the obscene caller who’s been causing her so much grief.
This is one of those movies that you forget even as you watch it, because almost eve…
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Kung Fu Hustle
Posted in Disc Reviews by David Annandale on August 12th, 2005
Synopsis
In the 1930s, the dreaded Axe Gang is taking over all organized crime, terrorizing the city. One of the only places they don’t control is a slum complex ruled by a formidable landlady and her henpecked husband. Into this place come a couple of con artists, who pretend to be members of the Axe Gang. They set in motion an chain of events that leads to one apocalyptic battle after another, with ever more bizarre and powerful Grand Masters of Kung Fu turning to fight either for or against the Ax…
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Imaginary Heroes
Posted in Disc Reviews by Archive Authors on August 12th, 2005
This is one of those films that is depressing solely for the sake of being depressing. There was a string of these kinds of films in the 90’s, but they have gone out of style as of the past seven years or so. This particular film tells the story of what happens to a dysfunctional family when one of the members commits suicide. Apparently, each member of the family grieves in his or her own way, all of which are wildly dangerous. Sexual promiscuity, substance abuse, lawlessness and despair abound in this tale of miser…
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