Killer Pad

Do you ever look at some covers in disbelief and wonder why this ever got made? Okay, some directors are trying to break into the business or perhaps an actor is taking on an indie release that one can show their acting range with. But if a movie looks, smells and feels like a B movie; then most likely you are in for a rough ride. At the end, you might come out okay. A lot of times however, you might not. I witnessed such an example in Killer Pad. A movie directed by Robert Englund. Yes, the “Freddy” guy. The box sports some clueless guys and a hot devil lady. Oh and a spooky house behind it all. I’m scared, mainly cause I have to watch it.

Three friends; Doug, Craig & Brody (played by Daniel Franzese, Eric Jungmann, & Shane McRae) decide to leave their small midwest lives and head for the Hollywood Hills. After some searching, they meet up with a landlord named Winnie (played by Bobby Lee)who gets them to a sign a deed to 666 Perdition Lane (gee I wonder if it could be evil). Once they get there, they realize it is the house of their dreams and decide to host a party at their “killer pad.” Little do they know that the house is haunted and foul things are a foot. The rest of the adventure is spent finding out the answer to various supernatural occurrences and trying to still host the most awesome party ever.

The story doesn’t sound so bad, sure we know it smells of a B movie, but it has a pretty cool acting cast. Once the fellas get into the house, they are joined by their neighbor Lucy (played by Emily Foxler) who also brings along her friends; Delilah (played by Noureen DeWulf) & Jezebel (played by Corri English). Their roles aren’t what they seem but it should be pretty obvious from their names what they end up being. There is also an angel (played by Hector Jimenez)who keeps wanting some el Diablo sauce (inside joke) and pestering the three friends. In addition, there are a couple of other good cameos; one of a geek who comes to the party (played by Andy Milonakis) and a fire inspector (played by Sam McMurray) who is looking for love in all the wrong places. Heck even Joey Lawrence has a role and plays himself.

Then things just get horribly wrong. First, the three friends are almost more senseless than the Solomon Brothers or the folks from Dumb & Dumber. I mean they watch the freaking Gilmore Girls for pete’s sake. So you have to deal with that for the majority of the film. I also hope you love bait & switch tactics. The film clearly states R, for horror (okay, got it), language (yeah they swear) and nudity? Nudity? Where? The film has catholic school girls but no nudity. That’s just criminal. Unless you consider a small person’s buttocks to be nudity, it just doesn’t exist. They even have scenes where the actresses will flash and then it cuts right away. That’s the kind of tactics that is reserved for a PG/PG-13 funny movie. Not a movie where that might actually be a selling point.

Don’t even get me started about the extreme bad taste in fart and poop jokes that this movie has in several places. There is all this talent in the movie and it just feels wasted. The film tries to be comedy, horror, explicit, bloody, action and even provide a feel good ending and succeeds at almost none of it. Sure there are a few scenes that are awesome but those all seem to involve Bobby Lee when he plays the Asian female landlord, Winnie. (Okay Sam McMurray is awesome in his cameo too). But it goes by the waste side when I’m forced to deal with the Three Stooge’s dumb cousins as principal actor bait for the entire 84 minutes. I still can’t get over they had catholic school girls in those plaid skirts in an R rated movie and didn’t show anything. *cry*

Video
The film is presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen. This film also uses a digital capture system which allows the film to be edited in real time rather than in a processing studio. It looks pretty good to be honest. The picture is good, it is very clear and there are no problems with artifacts or pixilation. Good stuff here. I mean it is obviously low budget, but that’s not the fault of the production.

Audio
5.1 English Dolby Digital is provided as an audio choice. It’s pretty average for a modern film. Dialog is clear and you can easily tell what is going on. Surrounds aren’t used very much except in a few interesting scenes where I probably didn’t need it (cue poop joke). Subtitles are provided for English and Spanish.

Special Features

• Automatic Trailers: Highlander: The Source, Catacombs, When Evil Calls, The Legend of Butch & Sundance, and a Fear.net advertisement
• Commentary with Director Robert Englund : Freddy provides a very cool commentary and goes into the movie with great depth. It is quite nice to see somebody with so much energy talk about a film that he dearly loved to make. It is just unfortunate that the movie wasn’t that good.
• Making of Killer Pad: All Digital Workflow 11:42: A featurette that goes over the work involved in the new technology that is a digital capture system. Cool stuff for techies, this is the future of movie making. Especially for those on low budgets.
• Killer Pad Trailer 1:47: The original trailer, this was a theatrical release?

Final Thoughts
Killer Pad is one of those movies that never gets off the ground. They saddle us with three losers from the get go and it never picks up like it should. Despite the strong cameo and supporting cast, the highlights in the movie are slim. The comedy is limited to poop or how dumb can they be jokes. The “R” rated movie is a bait & switch and doesn’t deliver a good time. The dvd is decent with very good picture & audio but the extras feel a little thin. Robert Englund talks a lot about how much Andy Milonakis or Bobby Lee would riff on camera and we can’t get some deleted scenes or extended takes? These two are gold and with the likes of some of the other characters, this would have been more enjoyable than the movie itself. Not recommended, if you can YouTube the scenes with Bobby Lee, that would be the only way to go.

Other Reviews

• Fangoria.com – “Dan Stoller’s script simply isn’t up to snuff; the humor is course and crude—which is fine—but the intended laughs are as half-witted and daft as the three heroes.”