In the recent days and weeks since the Lindsay Lohan film I Know Who Killed Me arrived on video, she’s discussed the details behind a car accident in which she may or may not have been under the influence of alcohol. It only seems fitting, since this film is a carwreck of substantial proportions, and we probably have to ask whether or not Michael and Dina’s daughter was on something when she agreed to make the movie.
Written by Jeff Hammond in his first feature film screenplay (big shocker there) and directed by Chris Sivertson (The Lost), Lohan appears as Aubrey Fleming, who is abducted and tortured by a mysterious criminal mind. The next thing Lohan knows, she wakes up in a hospital, without any memory of what’s happened to her except for some telling physical signs, and has no memory of this person named Aubrey. In her mind, she’s Dakota, an exotic dancer and proverbial grown up girl. In Aubrey’s absence, Dakota frequently bumps heads with her parents Daniel (Neal McDonough, Minority Report) and Susan (Julia Ormond, Legends of the Fall) and with boys at school.
The story itself is rather silly, as Dakota tries to find out what happened to Aubrey and intersperses clips of Dakota/Lohan dancing in a strip club, but the dancing basically amounts to rolling around on the floor and pole in bra and panties, wearing tons of eyeshadow and generally not looking attractive. In fact, when she’s presumably clean and sober, I don’t understand what the attraction is, unless you like a lot of freckles and a girl who looks so medicated in the film you can smell the Newports through your TV screen. All in all, considering I’m becoming the resident Lindsay Lohan expert (I’ve reviewed Herbie: Fully Loaded and Just My Luck elsewhere on the site), I’d say that this is easily the worst film I’ve seen her in, and I’d recommend anyone who watches it take a pass, because after watching I Know Who Killed Me, you’ll feel like getting a penicillin shot.
Well, there’s a Dolby 5.1 Surround track that is actually nothing to sneeze at, with the occasional low end subwoofer use and surround panning from time to time, and dialogue is in the front and sounds good.
The disc is a flipper, with the full frame version on one side and a 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen version on the other. Naturally I watched the widescreen version and things were OK, though detail seemed to be a little bit fuzzy from time to time, though the blues are quite vivid without a lot of bleed. Coming from seeing the Blu-ray disc (I lost a bet, OK?), it’s a somewhat noticeable step down.
There’s an extended look at Lindsay’s stripper dance which would be sexy if it wasn’t so friggin’ pathetic, along with an alternate opening that is fairly bland, and an alternate ending that is a little bit different in tone, and a blooper reel that isn’t too funny, although if we’re talking about semantics here, the whole film is a blooper.
There’s so many better things to be doing than watching I Know Who Killed Me. I’ve saved you the trouble of watching the film as Lindsay doesn’t appear naked as was the early presumption she would be doing. So go back to downloading pictures of her from the interwebs. As for the film, there’s not too many crappier films out there, and in the spirit of the 2007 holiday season, I’m giving you a gift of goodwill by advising you to steer clear of this puppy.