Horror

Do you ever look at some covers in disbelief and wonder why this ever got made? Okay, some directors are trying to break into the business or perhaps an actor is taking on an indie release that one can show their acting range with. But if a movie looks, smells and feels like a B movie; then most likely you are in for a rough ride. At the end, you might come out okay. A lot of times however, you might not. I witnessed such an example in Killer Pad. A movie directed by Robert Englund. Yes, the "Freddy" guy. The box sports some clueless guys and a hot devil lady. Oh and a spooky house behind it all. I'm scared, mainly cause I have to watch it.

A tough-as-nails cowboy (James Denton) unwillingly hooks up with a naive greenhorn (Chris Kattan) when they have a run-in with a bent sheriff. They may think they have some problems now, but things are much worse than they think, as the town and the surrounding countryside are in the initial stages of a zombie plague.

"The Invasion" is a remake of the classic "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers". This time around, Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig are the heroes that uncover the diabolical truth behind a secret plot to take over the world. This is a film that has been re-made several times before, in various forms. Each time, the film is turned into a heavy-handed metaphor for the current political climate. That is most certainly the case this time around as well, as the oblivious citizens are expected to accept everything their leaders tell them, no matter how implausible that information might be. I'll spare you the pop politics, but the parallels between the Bush administration and the story are rampant.

Blackgate Prison is built on ground where massacres of one sort or another have occurred throughout the history of the United States. When a disused wing of the prison is reopened, all sorts of nastiness emerges. Michael Paré is the officer called in when a guard mysteriously commits suicide, but that is only the first of many unexplained deaths yet to come.

The neurotic Shannyn Sossamon goes to Paris to visit sister Alecia Moore (aka Pink). The outgoing Moore cajoles her mopey sister to attend a party in the city’s catacombs, where the bones of some six million people are stacked. It doesn’t take long before Sossamon becomes separated from her friends, and is pursued by a maniac through the maze of tunnels.

Barrows, Alaska, is just settling down for a month-long winter’s night. Many of the residents leave for the dark period, but those who remain encounter a series of strange crimes (all the cell phones in town being stolen and melted, for instance). It turns out that the incidents are the work of a man preparing the way for an invasion of vampires. After all, what better hunting ground than a town with no day? Josh Hartnett leads a dwindling band who hunker down and struggle against overwhelming odds.

While strolling through the local Blockbuster store, I'm always amazed at how many direct-to-video sequels there are to big name movies. Sure, Bring it On was never in the Lord of the Rings echelon of franchises, but it was still a successful movie at the box-office. Yet I still can't get over the fact that Bring it On now has its own trilogy, just like LOTR.

Most of these low-budget sequels exist solely to cash in on the movie's title, which is usually unrelated to the original film. The roles are recast or characters done away with, and some dumbed-down script that rehashes the first film is approved. But every once in a while, a cheapie comes along that does more with less, and surpasses the original. See my review for I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer for more proof of this.

Despite being very thoroughly dead, Jigsaw is up to his old games again. This time, SWAT commander Rigg must race against time to rescue to kidnapped fellow officers. Jigsaw's messages send him all over town, to one gruesome event after another. Meanwhile, the FBI is also on the case, interrogating the killer's ex-wife, which means the audience finds out quite a bit more about Jigsaw's backstory.

The trailer trash Myers family (inexplicably living in a pretty big house) is a powder keg waiting to go off, what with the rampaging abuse and a young Michael (the admittedly creepy Daeg Faerch) butchering small animals and looking like he’s mad as hell and soon not going to take it anymore. Snap he does, going on a killing spree, before he is captured and locked up for years, while eccetric shrink Dr. Loomis (a shameless Malcolm McDowell) making a career out of trying to learn what makes him tick. Growing to Godzilla proportions, Michael makes his escape, and proceeds to pick up his spree where he left off in his home town of Haddonfield.

Arthur Kennedy and wife Teresa Wright are an older childless couple who discover a young man (Tom Happer) living in the crawlspace of their basement. Though they are initially alarmed, he seems harmless, and they take him under their wing. What seems to be a nice, if bizarre, solution for everyone becomes tense when Happer, tormented by locals, shows a potential for great violence.