The Reel World

When I tell you The Host is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, you’ll probably think I’m exaggerating. There’s a decent chance you don’t know me and that we’ll never meet, so there’s no way for you to know I’m not prone to hyperbole or making “Best Ever/Worst Ever” statements. Obviously, I haven’t watched every movie that’s ever been made, but I feel reasonably confident in saying I’ve seen more than most people. Since I don’t make pronouncements like these lightly, I’m going to do my very best to explain why The Host — a stunningly bad sci-fi/romance that utterly fails as a work of science fiction and as a big-screen love story — is among the most inept films I’ve come across.

The Host is based on Stephenie Meyer’s 2008 novel of the same name. I suppose you could blame part of my extremely negative reaction to this film on some sort of prejudice against the Twilight author or her super-successful vampire franchise, but that bias doesn’t totally exist. (By the way, that was the one and only time I’ll be using the T-word; I don’t need to invoke it to discuss the unique atrociousness of this film.) Anyway, the nicest thing I can say about The Host is that it seems interested in exploring Big Ideas about the nature of humanity and the loss of free will. Unfortunately, those ideas are mangled by storytelling that veers back and forth between overly simplistic to shockingly incompetent, as well as a pair of romances that are likely to leave the sappiest of moviegoers groaning out loud.

"Sometimes you need to do something bad to stop you from doing something worse."

If you are a fan of director Chan-wook Park, you are used to the kinds of bizarre images and somewhat enigmatic story elements that dominate the landscape of Stoker. While none of the images here reach quite into the territory of Oldboy, it's hard not to plug into the disturbed nature of the film's themes and story. I left the movie with more questions than answers and a little bit lost as to how exactly I was going to approach this review. I had not seen Oldboy at the time of the viewing or since. I did go out of my way to get some exposure to the film's famous imagery through clips and stills. Even still, I've never been more confused about a film than I am about Stoker.

For years it seems DreamWorks Animation has been living in the shadow of Pixar.  Sure, DreamWorks has had their success with Shrek and Ice Age, but when you stack the films next to Pixar’s library, you see Pixar just seems to be the best at what they do.  That is until The Croods came along; with the new DreamWorks release it would appear the animation studio has stepped up their game and released their best-looking 3D film to date.  My expectations were not too high with this release, but I was at least relieved I wouldn’t be watching Ice Age Ten: The Ice is Still Melting.  With a theater screening filled with what appeared to be thousands of little screaming children (remember in Gremlins when they were watching Snow White?). Before the film I had been face- palming myself, feeling this had been a bad idea, but once the lights dimmed and the film began, my worries faded away.  The story may be a little weak, but there is something there that hooked me and kept me engaged throughout the Croods’ journey, and it turned out to be good eye candy that the entire family can enjoy.

From the start no time is wasted as Eve (Emma Stone) narrates the dangers of living in this dangerous world.  As far as Eve knows, she and her family, the Croods, are the last of their kind.  Fearing the night (and everything unfamiliar or unknown) the family takes shelter in a cave until the sun reappears and everything is thought to be “safe” by Grug (Nicholas Cage), the father and leader of the group.  Grug is a neurotic, overprotective parent who simply expects at any point something could happen and kill them all, so with the exception of family hunts, they never stray too far from the cave.  And as a teenager, living this cramped lifestyle surrounded by her family is becoming overwhelming for Eve, and her sense of adventure (and being a rebellious teen) is just too much.  Besides, living in a cave with your overbearing father, mother, brother and grandmother sunrise to sunset is enough to make anyone want to venture anywhere despite all forms of danger.

“I'm tired of seeing the same thing. Everybody's so miserable here because they see the same things every day, they wake up in the same bed, same houses, same depressing streetlights, one gas station, grass, it's not even green, and it’s brown. Everything is the same and everyone is just sad. I really don't want to end up like them. I just want to get out of here. There's more than just spring break. This is our chance to see something different.”

Somehow I really doubt that Gomez’s character’s desire for something different was quite like what she got. You remember Spring Break, right? A week-long vacation from high school or college, time spent somewhere exotic and with a lowered or no drinking age limit and girls with low inhibitions. Now that is the premise for spring break vacation as I know it; Spring Breakers depicts a slightly different view; a view of drugs, guns, and James Franco in cornrows. Spring Breakers reveals the darker side of Spring Breaks where innocence is lost and the idea of inhibitions is a foreign concept. Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens shed their former Disney Channel personas and get down and dirty in Harmony Korine’s wild tale that makes it clear that returning to Disney Channel is definitely not an option (well, at least for one of them).

"What's the secret to getting in...There has to be one, right?"

You will probably never look at Princeton University in quite the same way again after you've seen Tina Fey's latest film, Admission. Under the guise of a poorly-played-out romantic comedy, the film offers us much more comedic insight into the mysterious world of college admissions than it does about relationships. The film was actually based on a novel written by Jean Hanff Korelitz and takes us deep into the labyrinth of how a prestigious college goes about accepting its future students. Of course, it's a romp and not intended to depict the actual process. Still, there are moments when you have to cringe and wonder to yourself if they don't just hit too close to home at times. It's that aspect of Admission that has me quite shocked that Princeton allowed themselves to be used as the college in question here. I guess they figure their reputation can take a tongue-in-cheek hit from Tina Fey. Good for them.

It’s like I always tell people, the only thing better than one gloriously over-the-top action spectacle centered around an attack on the White House is TWO gloriously over-the-top action spectacles centered around an attack on the White House. Lucky(?) for us, Hollywood is happy to oblige in 2013. Channing Tatum gets a chance to protect Jamie Foxx from a very hostile takeover in June’s White House Down, but they’ve been beaten to the box office punch by Gerard Butler and Aaron Eckhart in the junky, wildly entertaining, and more mythical-sounding Olympus Has Fallen.

This one-two punch of presidential peril is the latest, inexplicable example of two films with similar themes being released in theaters within months of each other. In years past, we’ve had dueling volcanoes (Dante’s Peak vs. Volcano) asteroids/comets (Deep Impact vs. Armageddon), Truman Capote movies (Capote vs. Infamous) and, just last year, revisionist Snow White tales (Mirror Mirror vs. Snow White and the Huntsman). It’s an odd group of pairings, but frankly I’m a little surprised it took this long for Hollywood to make what is basically “Die Hard in the White House.”

Some movies have a way of simply sneaking up on you and leave you exiting the theater with a multitude of thoughts and emotions.  When a film comes along where you are able to forget your troubles or the stresses of the real world, and long after the final credit has rolled you still can’t shake certain images or lines of dialog from your mind, this is usually the best sign of a good film.  The Call I must confess snuck up on me and managed to suck me into “the hive” of the Los Angeles 911 dispatch center and has kept me in its clutches as I write up this review.  The Call is a film that reminds me why we go to the theater with a large audience and experience this projected story on screen, where despite all the nifty home theater toys you may have, it just cannot compare to seeing a film with an audience.

The Call wastes no time pulling us into the story.  Jordan Turner (Halle Berry) is one of many 911 dispatchers handling calls as they come in.  Some calls maybe as trivial as a man with a habit of calling the operators from behind bars, to men confessing to recently killing their wives.  Call after call we see how the operators are forced to stay calm and remain in control of the situation until “help” arrives for the caller.  But that all changes as Jordan receives as call from a frightened young girl who has an intruder coming into her home.  Jordan does all she can to navigate Leah to safety from the intruder, but one mistake results in the capture of the young girl.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of magic."

They say that the hand is quicker than the eye. Through the art of misdirection and skillful manipulation we have been awed by magicians ever since Glog made Ooof's club disappear somewhere in Mesopotamia circa 20,000 BC. It's not all skill, really. The truth is we've always wanted to be fooled. We're begging for "magicians" to tamper with our sense of reality. I don't know how fast the hand happens to be, but today we're fooled at the speed of 24 frames per second (unless you happen to be Peter Jackson). The magic happens every time we walk into a movie theater or put a shiny disc into our magic machines. And what do we enjoy even more than being "tricked"? We love to laugh. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone has just the right amount of sleight of hand to pull it off.

"You're capable of more than you know."

Perhaps it's been a long time coming. The MGM version of The Wizard Of Oz has been captivating audiences for over 80 years, introduced to new generations of admirers, first through frequent re-releases in movie houses. Then it was annual showings on television, where I first encountered the classic film. Finally, the many phases of home video have made it a popular choice and a staple of any truly complete film library. The film is memorable for so many reasons. The technological achievements for 1939 were nothing short of magical. The cast took to their parts and gave soul to the lovable, and not so lovable, characters. Judy Garland's short and tragic life will forever be identified for most of us as Dorothy. Now, in 2013 it takes a lot more to wow an audience, and who better to make the attempt than the collaboration of Walt Disney Studios and Sam Raimi?  Together, with the legal hawks from Warner Brothers watching every move, they have set out to take us on a magical journey to Oz, and a breathtaking journey it is. It might become a classic in its own right....if it only had a heart.

Revenge has rarely looked as tedious or absurd as it does in Dead Man Down. (Unless you count the current, underwhelming second season of, well, Revenge.) Despite the fact that it boasts a title straight out of Steven Seagal’s IMDb page, Dead Man Down features a talented cast and is the American theatrical debut of Danish director Niels Arden Oplev, best known for making the Swedish adaptation of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It’s a shame everyone came out to play for a project that doesn’t even achieve “Enjoyably Preposterous Thriller” status.

Colin Farrell stars as Victor, a low-level thug working for ruthless mobster Alphonse Hoyt (Terrence Howard). Someone has been sending Alphonse cryptic notes and vaguely threatening letters. We learn relatively early on the perpetrator is actually “Victor”, who assumed a new identity after Alphonse and some Albanian goons destroyed his family and left him for dead. Now Victor has concocted an elaborate (yet surprisingly careless) plan and is willing to pay the ultimate price to make sure Alphonse and the others pay for their sins.