“They are coming to get you, Barbara.” 

Step aside, Gus Van Sant’s 1998 remake of Psycho; there’s a new most useless remake (of all time) in town. Seriously, to whoever is responsible for getting this film green-lit, I seriously hate you and all that you’ve done to George A. Romero’s classic and not to mention groundbreaking film. The fact that his name isn’t even in the credits on the Blu-ray is equally a blessing and a low blow. George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead is pretty well known for being the first film to depict zombies as undead, flesh-eating beings and literally kick-started its own subgenre in horror. It’s also perhaps known for one of the biggest blunders involving copyright protection, which resulted in Romero losing out on millions and the distributors pocketing most of the financial gains the film had. In 1990, Tom Savini would go on to remake the film, but this time shoot the film in color and also update it with new and improved special effects. The remake is good, but not great, but it would introduce many horror fans to Tony Todd before he took on the now iconic role of Candyman. So in the age where Hollywood is obsessed with reboots and remakes, what makes this film stand out as the dumpster fire that it is?  Simply put, this was obviously not a passion project, but instead an obvious cash grab that has the artistic integrity of an amateur porn film.

Justin Long chose an interesting film for his directorial debut. Lady of the Manor is Casper meets For a Good Time Call ..., which is not a dig, as I found both those films enjoyable. The best way to categorize the movie is as a raunchy ghost story, which is an interesting combination. My skepticism was high going into the film, and while I did enjoy the film, I will say that it ran a little long. There are several scenes that could have been cut out, and I feel like for the most part it wouldn’t have sacrificed quality. Melanie Lynskey of Two And A Half Men fame played to her niche, embodying another quirky character, but this time a rated-R version. Rounding out the cast, Judy Greer as the aforementioned lady of the manor, Ryan Phillippe, Luis Guzman, Patrick Duffy (Dallas), and of course, the director himself, Justin Long. Interesting tidbit I learned: principal photography and filming for the movie took place in the Tampa and Saint Petersburg area. I thought certain areas looked familiar.

The film centers around Lynskey’s Hannah Kolinsky, a lazy and directionless stoner who manages to get herself in trouble with the law when she somehow ends up at the wrong address for her weed delivery and ends up ensnared in a To Catch a Predator-esque sting. I will say that this was something I did not expect. Based on the preview, I foresaw the trouble with the cops, but the circumstance really was funny, especially the reverse sexual harassment from the paid actor who ensnares her. Even the cops had to shake their heads about it.

To watch Bugsy Malone you’ve got to remind yourself what it was like when you were a kid, and that’s something I feel is the most difficult thing to do when kids today have video games, the internet, and so much technology at their fingertips that to play and pretend is just not what it used to be. In 1976, writer and director Alan Parker gave us a gangster film like no other; it was a musical and a parody and most importantly was completely cast with children, all around the age of 12. It’s hard to imagine a film like this could ever take place now, not that there is anything offensive about it, but the film’s charm and its innocence I just feel couldn’t be captured anymore. The idea of kids shooting one another with guns firing marshmallows and cream would certainly rile up parents, not to mention the “sarsaparilla” bootlegging going on. Alan Parker took a risk with this film, and though it wasn’t a success in the states, it’s developed a cult following over the years. For me this was one that I discovered on VHS not long after seeing Warren Beatty take on the role of Dick Tracy and thus kicking off my love for prohibition-era gangster films.

Scott Baio plays the title role of Bugsy Malone, a hired hand who will do a job for the mob if the money is right, but if anything he’s more of a romantic than any good at playing the heavy. He’s got eyes for Blousey (Florence Garland), a lounge singer who has big dreams of making it to Hollywood. The relationship is charming and relatively innocent throughout, and mostly it works because it’s a pair of kids in these roles. It makes it easier to embrace these notions of big dreams and Bugsy’s grand gestures of them travelling together to Hollywood, but he just needs to do one big job first.

"18 years of sustained combat. I learned a long time ago to remain calm in the chaos, so that the fighting doesn't bother me. But when things go quiet, I hear Father Time coming for me. A new battle on the horizon, and for the first time in my life I'm feeling an enemy I don't know how to fight."

What David Boreanaz does is create iconic television characters. He has had no trouble getting work over the years. He has had the ability to jump from one successful series to another and enjoy longevity in those roles. Unlike many actors who have had big television roles, he doesn't get at all pigeonholed or typecast. In Buffy The Vampire Slayer he originated the role of the vampire Angel, who spun off to his own series for several years. Immediately after that he took on the role of an FBI agent and partner to the title character on Bones. That job lasted a decade. Before the remains of Bones could be laid to rest, he was already working on his next new series. Now he's the field leader of a Navy SEAL team, and if the first three seasons of SEAL Team is any indication, he's going to be dodging bullets and RPG's for the foreseeable future. CBS has a big tradition of long-running shows, and I wouldn't be surprised if a decade from now I'm talking to you about the 14th season of SEAL Team.