by Dustin P. Anderson

I have never been more confused as to what constitutes a spoiler in a movie. I am going to attempt to give the best synopsis I can here, but just know, I was extremely confused throughout this entire movie. We follow two movie studio workers as they watch one of the movies their studio is set to release. The two add dialog (a la Mystery Science Theater 3000) to the film, and we follow their story as well. I was supremely disappointed when I started watching this movie. There was nothing that led me to believe that this movie was going to be a comedy; I would assume that this “surprise” was the intention of the makers, but it ultimately left me confused throughout the entire movie. I had to keep going back and forth, from the menu screen of the DVD to the movie itself to make sure I was watching the correct movie, and not an extra. After I triple-checked that I was watching the right movie, I started to try to pay attention to what was going on in it. What I figured out is that this movie failed on almost every conceivable level. Some actual funny lines of dialog save it from being the worst movie I have ever seen, but it really tried to get to that top spot in my mind. For starters, the characters are written in like they were thought of last-minute. You can’t follow any sense of storyline, in either the “horror movie” or the comedy part. Everything seems like it was rushed to production, or that they were trying to save an already sinking ship.

This movie is not on my rewatch list for a number of reasons; however, it all stems from one central reason: the delivery. On the surface, I buy the premise for this movie; a girl attracts an evil spirit and starts to feel like she losing her mind. Her parents don’t believe her, her siblings don’t either, or her friends. The film even provided backstory hint alluding to the reason why the parents are overprotective due to a previous stalker situation that the family still hasn’t gotten over. Nicely done on that score; however, a lot of the allure is lost simply because of the way the information is provided.

At first blush, I took this to be a suspense-themed film; trouble is the story does a poor job at building suspense. First thing I would have change is the score; to truly build suspense you need an eerie score that sets the mood for the audience. Now, I understand that money is a factor, but you have to pay for quality to achieve your goal.

The film Mobilize (previously titled Disconnect) is about the potential dangers of cell phones. People have joked about it for years. The AMC series Better Call Saul had a major plot device about a character's aversion to any electronic radiation. The character wound up wearing thermal blankets, not going outside, deactivating electricity in the home, and having all electronic units being stored in an outside mailbox. The show never really explained the source of the character's problem, but it seemed to imply that it was a mental phobia. In fact, there are many people who are showing mental effects such as increased agitation and ADHD. A far more serious problem seems to be a causative effect for brain tumors.

There have also been cases where depending where the phone is normally kept (clipped on a bra or in a pants pocket) of leading to breast cancers and lower sperm counts. The cell phone industry has been actively trying to manage any information regarding the possible harmful effects of radiation from cell towers and cell phones. They have been pretty successful. The simple fact is that there have not been a significant number of independent studies. The studies that have been conducted have been conflicting based on whether or not they have been industry-funded. It is very clear that there might be a problem. The issue is long term effects, and it is just now that people who have been using cell phones heavily for 20 years or more are having problems. Then there is the issue of children using them at young ages and possibly for their entire lifetimes. There are clearly an increasing number of cases of cancers that have been argued are directly related to cell phone use. The U.S. wireless industry is in the range of $200 billion. They have the resources to lobby everyone in the media and politics.

Most of us are used to seeing Hollywood movies. That often bleeds over to British and Australian films, but not everyone wants to see films with subtitles. Still, many foreign films have become popular from France, Spain, Japan, Italy, China, India, Denmark, South Africa and Mexico. Obviously almost every country in the world produces films, but most of us never see them. The sheer abundance of films produced in any given year is mind-boggling. Who sees them all? To some degree, films from one part of the world are mostly watched by people from the same place. Turkish films are mostly watched by Turks. 

Ships (Ferahfeza) is a Turkish  film directed by Elif Refig. The story is fairly strange and slow-moving. It takes place in the port district of Kadikoy in the city of Istanbul. Everything about the movie is dull and sad, including the location. Everything about the place begs to be left behind and escaped from. That is what the main character wants to do.

There are few things that are more bothersome than cheap marketing gimmicks. Private Number is no exception. While sites like IMDb have Tom Sizemore and Judd Nelson as the highest-billed actors in the film, the cover of this DVD is very misleading. Perhaps part of the deal for Nelson and Sizemore was to be featured primarily on the cover, but I really doubt that is the case. The relationship of the DVD’s cover to the film itself feels like producers that have little faith in their project. So instead of promoting the interesting concepts of the film on its cover, they plaster the familiar faces of Nelson and Sizemore onto it, in hopes of making a few extra bucks. So if you are going to watch this movie for those actors, save yourself the trouble: they have a total screen time of 8 minutes. 

Private Number is a peek into the life of Michael Lane (Hal Ozsan), a writer struggling with sobriety and writer’s block after the success of his first book. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Soon he and his wife (Nicholle Tom) begin receiving strange phone calls at early hours in the morning from a private number, all with the same message: “Remember me?” When bringing the issue up to Sheriff Stance (Judd Nelson) doesn’t resolve it, Michael takes matters into his own hands. As the phone calls persist, Michael begins to hallucinate, making his investigation spiral out of control.

by Dustin P. Anderson

The death of the youngest brother in the Burwood family brings together all members in an attempt to see that their brother is laid to rest... OK, here’s the thing. I could tell you all the synopsis as a lead up to this movie review, but I am pretty sure that everyone reading this has seen a movie with a similar synopsis. This movie is basically Sweet Home Alabama, This is Where I Leave You, The Royal Tenenbaums, or many others. It’s been done dozens of times over, and I think what we all really want to know is if this movie differed from the other movies at all.