Bikini Bloodbath Carwash

The box art on this film promises: “This campy splatterfest is 100% pure brainless fun”. Finally, truth in advertising. If you’re looking for anything else except what’s promised here, you really need to look elsewhere for some entertainment. But there is a place for this kind of thing, and if you’re willing to ask no questions, this movie will tell you no lies. I’m impressed that the makers of this movie never pretend to be anything else. All too often with these kinds of affairs you watch a feature or listen to a commentary and realize that these guys are taking themselves way too seriously. They act like they’re making high art, or some important classic milestone. Not so with these guys. They’re just having wicked fun, and they invite you to do the same.

One of my first surprises here is that this is a sequel. There is apparently a Bikini Bloodbath franchise. This is the second such film, and the end credits promise us that next year our holiday season will be invaded by Bikini Christmas Bloodbath. I might just have to shoot my eye out. This film finds a group of co-eds with a combined IQ somewhere in the triple digits, in negative numbers, that is. Jenny (Robbins) is the survivor of a slumber party gone bad. These events were obviously chronicled in the first film. Apparently a chef went nuts and decided to embark on a killing spree looking for new ingredients for his next masterpiece. A believer of the axiom that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, he intruded on said slumber party to explore some of those insides. Jenny either raked him with a rake, or raped him with a rake; the sequel appears to be unclear on that point. In any case, she killed off mean old Chef Death (Cosgrove). Enter a gathering of the girls and a fit of boredom. They decide to play séance with a homemade Ouija board made out of sheet metal and scotch taped letters. Unfortunately they wake the spirit of Chef Death. This time he’s coming for the girls at Mrs. Johnson’s Bikini Carwash. Mrs. Johnson (Rochon) is a little hot for the girls herself. While she likes to boss them around, she’s also fond of sneaking a peak at their company assets. She decides to throw a party for the girls, a party crashed by, you guessed it, Chef Death. Women get picked off one by one in mostly unimaginative ways.

The film is at all times sophomoric and silly. Characters are more like caricatures. The men in the film wear t-shirts that identify them as students, or German exchange students with accents that sound more like gay bikers. The blood f/x are almost non-existent. For a film with this many kills, there is very little in the way of blood and guts. What is there isn’t going to compete with the likes of Tom Savini anytime soon. Most of the time we’re treated to scantly clad girls acting like bimbos. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. One girl opts out of the party because she needs to study hard to get her GPA up to a 1.13.

Video

Bikini Carwash Bloodbath is presented in its original aspect ratio of 1.78:1. OK. If anything I say here convinces you to either watch or not watch this film, you’re in the wrong place. Of course, the video is crap. The entire production was captured on consumer quality DV cameras and likely edited on equally budget conscious equipment. Lighting is absolutely horrible. Most shots are either over or under exposed. The occasionally tight footage was merely a chance occurrence. There is a full screen option, but why would you?

Audio

The Dolby Digital 2.0 track is, get this, in PCM uncompressed 1.5 mbps glory. Of course, it doesn’t mean anything, because the crew is using cheap mics and very little ADR. You’ll hear filming noises and even the occasional direction voices. You will hear most of what the girls are saying, that is if you’re not too otherwise distracted.

Special Features

Blooper Reel: Come on folks. This whole film is a blooper reel.

Behind The Scenes: These are really just 4 bits taken from a local cable access show called Planet Access that covered the production. There are some interviews and an on-set visit. Surprisingly the section on The Guys Of Bikini Bloodbath is twice as long as the segment on The Girls Of Bikini Bloodbath. Now, that’s just wrong.

Final Thoughts

For most people this will be a slow and excruciating 70 minutes to sit through. You’ve got to wanna just have a good time here, and for what it is this movie is better than most. You have to be willing, and even looking forward, to watching bad film that never tries to be anything else. The movie won’t really make too much sense to you at all. These folks are just having a bit of fun on a low budget, and they invited you to the party. “That makes sense.”