Posts by BABY

Baby here. I'm the German Shepherd/Chow who handles security here at Upcomingdiscs. You know what puts the scowl in my growl? I'll bet you guys all had a lot of fun over the Christmas holidays. There were probably a lot of parties to go to. We had one here at Upcomingdiscs, but don't ask me how it was. That's because they locked me upstairs in a bedroom the whole time. That's right, the chief of security was locked up. Apparently I can't be trusted when people are walking around with a lot of food. They trust me to guard thousands of dollars worth of home video equipment. I keep those Fed Ex/UPS guys in check every day. But  a meatball or a potato chip? I don't quite make the grade. At least they seem to trust me enough to continue to review the dog films that make it past those delivery guys. If I can lay enough guilt on these guys, I might even get to go see Star Wars. OK, I made that last part up, but a dog can dream, can't she?

The first thing you need to know is that this movie has nothing to do with next year's animated film Robo-Dog with Ron Perlman. The name is just the same. You humans call a lot of stuff the same thing, don't you? That movie will come out soon, and I hope I get to see it. This film is a direct-to-video title that doesn't quite make the grade.

Baby here again. Yeah, I'm the Shepherd/Chow that runs the whole operation here at Upcomingdiscs. I give the orders and everyone jumps. OK, I made that last part up. You know who does jump? It's those UPS and Fed Ex guys who keep trying to deliver stuff here. They're getting a little too cocky, if you ask me. The problem is that no one around here asks me anything. The only time I get asked for something is when a dog film comes into the house. Then Gino puts on the charm. Me, I think it's racial profiling, and I'm not standing for it any more. Besides, lying down just feels a lot better anyway. The movie is called A Christmas Tail. It's a kind of play on words. You humans think you're so clever. But if it weren't for those thumbs ...

The movie actually starts out with the pretty solid idea that dogs make great Christmas presents. At least that's what Jack (Cupo) thinks when he gets his daughter a dog they name Bear for an early Christmas present. Of course, she loves Bear even if he isn't a Shepherd/Chow mix, and it looks like happily ever after, right? One of the neighbors takes exception to Bear digging in his front yard. So he calls the dog police and has him sent to a shelter where Maggie (West) is also looking for a dog for her son for Christmas. Hey, I'm a dog, and already I knew where this was going. So while Jack is looking for Bear, Maggie and her son now have a new dog named Paisley Of course, it's the same dog. When they finally meet, they decide to share the dog but keep the name Bear. He dodged a big one there. I guess Baby was already taken.

Baby here again. Yeah, I'm that German Shepherd/Chow mix who runs the security here at Upcomingdiscs. It's my job to see that no one breaks in. I've got a perfect record. Of course, no one said anything about breaking out. But I don't want to talk about that right now. Lately, it seems that every time I come into a room I'm having trouble getting noticed. Gino ends up running around saying the dog's gone. It's doggone this and doggone that. Hey, Gino, I'm right here, for cryin' out loud. The problem is that Mom keeps telling everyone to hold their heads up high. Well, no wonder everyone thinks the dog's gone. Hey guys,  I'm down here. That's what happens when you're under 3 feet tall. But I have a plan for getting noticed, and that spells T R O U B L E.

Come to think about it, getting noticed isn't all it's cracked up to be either. You see there was this Blu-ray case, and it happened to get a few holes in it that just so happen to be about the same size as a couple of my teeth. You Fed Ex/UPS guys know all about those. I'll bet it was you guys who framed me. That's OK. You know where I live. Wait a minute, that didn't come out quite right.

Baby here again. Yeah, I'm that German Shepherd Chow who runs security here at Upcomingdiscs. We call it Baby On-Board Security, and that spells O U C H if you're snoopin' around this place. That goes for you Fed Ex/UPS guys. This nose knows how to spot trouble. And, speaking of trouble you should see the cool art I made with the toilet paper roll the other day. Of course, no one around here appreciates a true artist in their own time, and I got in trouble again. That meant I had to watch this latest dog movie in the living room instead of the theater. Something about a 25-to-life ban, whatever that means. I don't wanna talk about that right now.

The truth is I don't wanna talk about the latest movie either, but I can't get out of this one. If it weren't for the whole art project thing I might have been able to skip this one, but I didn't wanna push my luck, if you know what I mean. Thanks to me you won't have to go through what I did. No, I'm not talking about the toilet paper incident, as it's come to be known around here. I'm talking about The Adventures Of Bailey: Christmas Hero. Trust me, I'm gonna be your real Christmas Hero when I keep you from wasting about 80 minutes of your life on this one. Hey, that's like months in dog years.

Baby here again. Yeah, I'm that German Shepherd Chow that keeps you UPS/Fed Ex guys on their toes. Now, if only I can figure out a way to keep you on your trucks. I just started a SWAT team here at Upcomingdiscs. That's right. Whenever I want a treat or to be pet I swat Gino with my paw. It doesn't always work on the first try, but I believe in the motto: If at first you don't succeed, swat and swat again. Sometimes it finally works. Other times ... well ... Let's not talk about that right now, okay. We have a movie to talk about.

It's not often I get into the theater to watch movies and review them for you guys. It's not my fault that the chairs look like huge rawhides. So, I usually am waggin' my tail hard when I do get the chance. I thought there could never be a movie bad enough to make me wish I hadn't been invited in. That was before I saw Gabe the Cupid Dog. I have to tell you that I'd rather go to the vet than have to watch this one again. And that spells O U C H.

"I have a surprise for you."

"Boo." Don't be scared, unless you happen to be a delivery guy from UPS or Fed Ex. It's just me. I'm Baby, and I'm the German Shepherd/Chow that runs security here at Upcomingdiscs. It's been a while since Gino let me in the theater to review a movie. Something about speaker wires not being chew toys. Anyway...I don't want to talk about that right now. What I do want to talk about is a movie called Vampire Dog, and this doggie is more of a pain in the neck than a choker collar, and that spells G A G.