Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on April 15th, 2012
I was flipping through the latest issue of Sad Trombone magazine the other day, and it contained an article revealing — through entirely unscientific research — that the general consensus appears to be, "People suck." As a result, I was already in the proper mindset when I sat down to watch The Divide, probably the most pessimistic movie of the past year.
After a nuclear attack, a group of nine survivors huddle in the basement of their apartment building. They are initially led by Mickey (Michael Biehn, looking like his Aliens co-star Lance Henriksen these days), the building's profane, racist, anti-social superintendent. With absolutely zero communication with the outside world, the days go by and the secluded group — which is afraid to go outside because of the potential for radiation poisoning — gets hungrier, crankier and more desperate. (Oddly enough, that's exactly how I got the last time I went camping overnight in a tiny tent.)
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on April 12th, 2012
- "I have a question for you. You're some random guy from the city, no one in the zoo community has ever heard of you. You know nothing about animals and you moved into a dump...why did you buy this place?"
- "Why not?"
Following the death of his beloved wife, Benjamin Mee does what any reasonable man would do under the same circumstances: he quits his job and moves his family into a zoo. I suspect you'll enjoy this movie a lot more if you simply shrug your shoulders and say, "Why not?" We Bought a Zoo certainly can't be accused of running away from its ridiculous-sounding title and premise, even though it's based on the true story chronicled in Mee's memoir of the same name.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on April 10th, 2012
Ben Affleck's dating life wreaked plenty of havoc on the moviegoing public during the early part of the 2000s. We all know about the infamous Gigli and Jersey Girl debacles with Jennifer Lopez. (It didn't even matter that J. Lo was barely in Jersey Girl — which actually has a few cute moments — or that the indefensible Gigli was just a deeply weird flick which happened to star two of the world's most famous, romantically-involved movie stars.) The film usually left off this dubious category is Bounce, a soggy romantic drama starring Affleck and former squeeze Gwyneth Paltrow. Although the pair — who, to be fair, also appeared together in the Oscar-winning Shakespeare in Love — keep this movie watchable, there's a reason Affleck mostly focuses on directing these days and hasn't made a movie with Jennifer Garner since they got married.
Affleck stars as hot-shot ad man Buddy Amaral. (We know he's a hot-shot because he speaks quickly, brashly and constantly has a drink in his hand...Mad Men taught me that.) After scoring a major account with an airline in Chicago, Buddy is stranded at the airport with a hottie (Natasha Henstridge) and friendly family man Greg (Tony Goldwyn). Greg allows himself to get bumped from the flight so he can use the airline compensation to take his family on vacation at a later date. Once the flight starts boarding, Buddy gives Greg his ticket so Greg can go home to his family sooner, but mostly so Buddy can hook up with the hottie at the airport hotel. The plane crashes, killing everyone on board.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on April 4th, 2012
Nine college friends are reunited by the death of a beloved former classmate. While attending his funeral, they learn their wealthy friend has left behind a will stipulating that each of them will receive a big chunk of his fortune if they can stay at his mansion for five days without a single person leaving. So basically, this terrible movie is an unholy mash-up of The Big Chill and The House on Haunted Hill. Come to think of it, I would've liked this flick a lot more if everyone had been murdered by ghosts.
That's because pretty much every character in Dysfunctional Friends — the early frontrunner for the 2012 Just Go With It award for Laziest Movie Title — is completely unbearable. (This, despite the fact that notorious NFL malcontent Terrell Owens isn't even playing himself!) I know this group of estranged "friends" is supposed to be self-centered, but it's impossible for the audience to get invested when we simply can't stand any of them.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on April 2nd, 2012
They came back to tie the game five different times. They were down by two runs in the bottom of the ninth and facing a closer who had been a perfect 6 for 6 in save situations during that postseason. They were down to the last strike of their entire season two different times. I guess what I'm trying to say is, at a certain point, it became obvious — painfully obvious, if you happen to be a fan of the Texas Rangers — that there was no effing way the St. Louis Cardinals were losing Game 6 of the 2011 World Series.
Personally, I didn't have a horse in the race when I originally watched this game live on October 27, 2011. (I'm a Yankees fan. Before you boo me, you should know I was born in 1982, which is the exact year they stopped making the playoffs for 13 straight seasons, the longest drought since the franchise became the Yankees. So they've been lousy for a really good chunk of my life, including during some of my most formative years as a sports fan. You may commence booing me.) The fact that I couldn't have cared less who won, but I also didn't dare go to sleep until it was over — and I suspect I was far from the only one — tells you how objectively thrilling this game was.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on March 31st, 2012
I think most of us can agree that being buried alive would be a horrible way to go. Several movies — Kill Bill: Vol. 2, The Vanishing (not the soft American remake) and, of course, Buried — have exploited that terror to varying degrees of success. Though the action in A Lonely Place to Die centers around a girl found buried in the Scottish Highlands, the camera frequently pulls way back to show us the desolate beauty (and danger) of the mountainous setting. I really wish director Julian Gilbey had kept the action on those mountains.
A group of climbers, led by Melissa George (The Amityville Horror, TV's Alias), discover an Eastern European girl named Anna buried in an underground chamber. Anna is unable to explain what happened because she can't speak English, but the group correctly surmises that the girl was kidnapped and being kept alive by the breathing pipe sticking out of the ground. Eventually, the group has to deal with the vicious pair of kidnappers, as well as the mercenaries hired by the girl's war criminal father to get her back.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 27th, 2012
"It seems to me the measure of the true perversity of the human race, that one of its very few reliably pleasurable activities should be the subject of so much hysteria and repression."
I believe a movie that extensively examines the complex relationship between Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud, pioneers in the field of psychoanalysis and two of the world's greatest minds during their time, has the potential to be a dynamic cinematic experience. At the very least, it would be intellectually stimulating and serve as a wonderful showcase for a pair of capable actors. Unfortunately, A Dangerous Method is not really that movie.
Posted in: The Reel World by J C on March 25th, 2012
As someone who devoured The Hunger Games during a single marathon sitting a week before the movie's release, I was particularly curious and excited to see Suzanne Collins' best seller get the big-screen treatment. Judging by all the Team Peeta devotees and side-braid-sporting, would-be Katnisses — who had certainly been waiting for the movie a lot longer than I had — at my opening night screening, I was far from the only one. (The record-breaking box office was another clue.) Still, in a theater packed with rabid superfans, and with a beloved property making its much-anticipated jump onto the silver screen, the question of whether or not the movie is actually any good can often seem somewhat beside the point.
In case you've been living under a rock — or were buried in a District 12 mine explosion — The Hunger Games is set in the nation of Panem, what's left of North America after an unspecified apocalyptic event in the future. Panem consists of the wealthy, oppressive Capitol and its 12 surrounding districts. Every year, each district must send one boy and one girl — ages 12 to 18, and known as "tributes" — to compete in the Hunger Games, a televised battle to the death meant to re-establish the Capitol's dominance over the rest of the nation.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on March 22nd, 2012
Even though I'm guilty of doing it myself, I always laugh a little when I hear someone complain that certain actors "just play themselves": as if you or I actually know these celebrities personally and have the authority to say what they're like in real life. Of course, what we really mean is most movie stars have found a screen persona that has connected with audiences and — in the spirit of giving people what they want (or laziness) — tend to stick pretty close to that image, adding only a tweak when we catch on to their game. (I mean, do we really want to see Sylvester Stallone tackle Hamlet? Wait, that would be amazing!) This isn't a new development: it's been happening since the days of John Wayne, and it continues to happen today with the likes of Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Jennifer Aniston, Seth Rogen and others. (Ok, so Seth Rogen probably is just playing himself.)
Few actors are "playing themselves" to as much critical and commercial success today as George Clooney, a handsome, articulate, serious-minded charmer who looks great in a suit. So when he plays handsome, articulate, serious-minded charmers who look great in suits, I can understand why some people may shrug their shoulders, no matter how excellent the performance is. You think it's an accident he won an Oscar for gaining some weight and covering his face with a scraggly beard in Syriana, but was shut out for superior work in Michael Clayton and Up in the Air?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on March 20th, 2012
After watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, my mind wandered over to Inception of all places. Remember how Ellen Page's character pretty much only existed so other people could explain to her — and, by extension, us in the audience — the rules of the movie's universe and what the hell was happening? Well, watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy for the first time felt a lot like what I imagine Inception would look like if Page's novice architect hadn't been in the script: words and items have dual meanings, characters have double (and triple) motivations, and good luck figuring out everything that's going on in this complex world!
The plot, however, is deceptively simple: veteran spy George Smiley (Gary Oldman) is called out of retirement to uncover a Soviet agent in the highest ranks of MI-6, the British intelligence service. (I'll refrain from further discussing the plot so that I don't give anything away, but also because there's a decent chance I haven't comprehended everything that happened. That being said, my second viewing of this movie went considerably smoother than the first.)
