Disc Reviews

There was a new cowboy in Dallas, and he wasn’t throwing touchdown passes. But Walker was almost gone before he could really get started. After just four episodes, the show’s production company suffered financial collapse, and the show was rescued at the last minute by CBS Productions, who would continue to run the show for its nearly decade-long run. For nine years Norris brought us the ultimate Texas Ranger in a formula cops-and-robbers show. The show often became a parody of itself but maintained a solid viewership throughout. Hell, Norris even sings the theme song. Truthfully, what started as a one-man show (it was originally called Chuck Norris Is Walker, Texas Ranger) had become a good working ensemble that probably kept the train going for so long. Walker (Norris) is a tough-guy Texas Ranger. He is partnered with Sydney Cooke (Peebles) and Jimmy Trivette (Gilyard), who’s an ex-jock with a brain. Walker had a love interest and eventual wife in the local assistant district attorney Alex Cahill (later Walker). Together they fight the evils that come to the high plains of Texas armed with their fists, six-shooters, and Stetsons.

Fans of Norris were never disappointed in what they got here. The requisite martial arts and tough-guy talk are present pretty much in every episode. There’s a popular T-shirt design that lauds their hero in epic fashion. One of my favorites is : “McGyver can build a plane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take the plane.”  Another brags: “Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas”. And there’s the humorous: “Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talkin’ about”.

"Book 'em Danno."

It's been 30 years since we last heard that phrase. Still it persisted in the modern lexicon along with the term Five-0, which is still shouted in high-crime areas in cities all over the country whenever a police presence is felt closing in on the bad guys. Hawaii Five-0 ended in 1980. That's when Tom Selleck took over the sets and production crew on Hawaii to work as Magnum P.I. until 1988 when it all closed down for good -- or did it? Wouldn't you know it, the show has been resurrected and become the hottest drama on television. A younger Steve McGarrett and company are back in action and Hawaii ...the world might never be the same again. Roll wave...

by Dustin P. Anderson

This DVD contains some of the scariest episodes of classic Nickelodeon animated TV shows. Hey Arnold! follows a young boy living in a city trying to deal with the day-to-day troubles an elementary-grade child would be dealing with. The Angry Beavers is about a sibling duo of beavers; the cool, sophisticated Norbert and his hyperactive brother Daggit. Ahhh! Real Monsters tells us the story of monsters going through “Scare School” (this series came way before Monsters University) under the strict thumb of The Grumble. Three troublemaking monsters must try to stay on their professor’s good side, or they will face severe repercussions. Catdog is exactly what it sounds like; the show follows a hybrid cat and dog living on one body. The show features these two growing up in an all animal society where they are looked at as weird by some and friends by others. The last show on this disc is Rocko’s Modern Life; much like Catdog we are taken through an all animal society, this time we follow a wallaby named Rocko as he goes through work troubles, neighbor inconveniences, and friendship woes.

Sometimes films can move at a rather slow pace, but have a tremendous payoff. In many cases, this pacing pattern is identified by cinephiles as a “slow burn.” How slow the “burn” actually is depends solely on the director’s choice; some can be a little too slow for the amount of “burn” it provides at the film’s climax. Felt had no such problem with either of these concepts. The film is slow, yes, but its pacing fits so well with the devolving psyche (the “burn”) of the main character.

Felt is Jason Banker’s second feature film in the director’s chair. The story follows Amy (Amy Everson) as she spirals downward into a pit of post-traumatic depression. Suffering from an undisclosed trauma, we watch as Amy struggles with her homo-social relationships with Elizabeth and Roxanne (Elizabeth Ferrara and Roxanne Knouse) and attempts to develop a new intimate relationship with Kenny (Kentucker Audley). The film traces Amy’s damaged psyche: a maze of past relationships, burgeoning sexual tensions, and perverse reparative behaviors.

What is the world coming to when the President is forced to rely on a preteen kid as his only means of protection? Or at least that is what I’d be wondering if I was Samuel L. Jackson in Big Game. In fact, if I was him, I’d probably fire my entire staff after this adventure. Crash-landed in Finland, the President finds himself alone and being hunted with his only ally being a young kid who is undertaking a traditional rite of passage. I have to say, despite the high stakes, the movie managed to keep things somewhat lighthearted, thereby allowing it to appeal to larger audience. Movie watchers are about to see SLJ in a completely different role as the President instead of his usual action-packed roles.

One of the most powerful men in the world is reduced to prey after Air Force One is brought down over the woods of Finland. Seemingly the only survivor of the wreck, President William Alan (Jackson) Moore is found by young Oskari (Onni Tommila), a native boy who was in the woods to complete his people’s traditional hunter rite of passage, which requires spending the night in the woods and bringing back a trophy. Unaware of his surroundings, President Moore must rely on Oskari’s knowledge to survive, all the while attempting to evade the men who brought down his plane for the purpose of hunting him like prey.

by Dustin P. Anderson

Honoring the memory of her husband, Addison Davenport sets off to a cabin in the woods with her four friends on the anniversary of his death. The friends go on their road trip, and once at their destination proceed to party. Little do these women know that they are not alone. A killer makes their presence known and starts torturing the girls. This could have been a great homage to classic eighties horror/slasher movies, but the creator couldn’t make a lot of the dialog coherent, nor could he make a meaningful plot. The dialog ranges from all the bad things we hated about the eighties horror scene, to all of the dialog I have grown to hate from newer horror films. It takes the “vulgarity for the sake of being vulgar” shtick from such classics as Friday the Thirteenth and Halloween. It takes the overly-dramatic pleading from torture films like Cry Wolf and Hostel. Neither of these themes are the greatest portions of the movies we hold as classics, and I would rather not be forced into remembering it. The plot has two twists. The first twist misses the mark so tremendously I had to avert my eyes. I am not going to go into too much detail, but after the twist is revealed, the killer loses all credibility and just turns out to be crazy. The second twist was just thrown at us. Like the dialog, it is trying to remind the audience of when twist endings at the end of a horror movie gave you one last scare. This twist left me less scared, and more annoyed. It seemed out of place and cheap.

by Dustin P. Anderson

Our story follows Camilla, a young girl living with her family and going to school in Manhattan during the year 1948. Her family is very wealthy and wants for little, but they are experiencing a difficult time in their life right now. Camilla’s mother is having an affair with a French man due to her husband being distant and supposedly uncaring. While going through this difficult time, Camilla is caught in the middle and unsure of what to do. Should she say something to her father or be faithful to her mother? Her friend Louisa tries to help her through this troubling time, but Louisa has troubles of her own. Louisa’s parents constantly fight, leaving Louisa and her older brother, Frank, to pick up the pieces of the parents’ failing relationship. One day when Louisa is nowhere to be found, Camilla runs into Frank, and the two take off together before Frank’s parents can begin to fight again. A relationship starts to bloom, and Camilla is uneasy about what will become of her new relationship, her friend Louisa, and her parents’ marriage.

I consider myself an optimist, so even when something looks bad, I try to look for the good. I searched for 84 long, painful minutes to look for good in Panic 5 Bravo. It’s a tale of four paramedics in an ambulance at the edge of the US/Mexican border that I, sadly, don’t ever give a dang about. There’s Richard, a curmudgeon days away from retiring; Josh, the rich-boy newbie; Bobby, the good-oops no bad- girl, and Alex, the eye-candy –a golden-retriever loving Mexican-American who is getting ready to propose to his girlfriend. Kuno Becker (Alex) also wrote, directed, and starred in the film. Just within the first few minutes of the interior shots of the ambulance which we never leave, there’s a lot of F words for the sake of filling up a script with a lot of holes, I guess.

A disgusting penal initiation hazing of the rookie Josh by the three older paramedics gets interrupted by a call of 5 Bravo. The crew watches as a young man just a few feet away lies on the ground bleeding to death from a gunshot wound on the Mexican side of the border. The four watch what unfolds without moving and discuss meal options. Finally paramedic Alex pleads with his coworkers to drive illegally into Mexico to rescue the shooting victim. These four geniuses decide with Alex’s prodding to venture where they have no business being and rescue a man who unbeknownst to them is wanted by the cartel – well not the man, but drug-filled condoms inside of him. Guess what -- predictably bad things happen… like the cartel bad guys using a vehicle to ram and flip over the ambulance.