Posted in: Disc Reviews by M. W. Phillips on March 22nd, 2012
“Chill out? Am I the only one hearing this? This thing attacks people, Jane, and she wants to go looking for it, because she has deranged fantasies about the unexplained!”
In Splintered a group of teens go seek the truth behind the northern Wales urban legend known as the Beast of Bodmin, a creature who may be responsible for the death of a bunch of livestock and the disappearance of a number of tourists and citizens. Sophie (Holly Weston) lives with unsuppressed childhood memories of being assaulted in her bedroom by some kind of beast man. It drives her to seek out the unknown with a particular obsession with the Beast of Bodmin. Sophie tricks John (Sol Heras) a boy crushing on her, her best friend Jane (Sadie Pickering), Jane’s boyfriend Sam (Sacha Dhawan), as well as Jane’s brother Dean (Jonathan Readwin) into join the hunt without really ever telling them what they were doing. So what should be a weekend romp turns into an investigation of a deadly urban legend. Gee, never heard of that plotline before.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by M. W. Phillips on March 22nd, 2012
“You have no idea what a real monster looks like.”
Clearly the creators of Creature have no idea what a real monster looks like either. This is the kind of film you would expect released directly to DVD and then shown on the SyFy channel late Saturday night, not one that would be released on over 1500 screens across America. This is a grade-Z movie barely elevated by a half decent cast. It is the kind of film that could have been intentionally funny, but director Fred Andrews wasn’t in on his own joke. Unfortunately it isn’t unintentionally funny either, as it never quite wallows in its own crap enough to be like an Ed Wood or Uwe Boll stinker. I can’t imagine how mad anyone must have been to have paid $10 plus to see this steaming swamp shit on the big screen. It justifiably ended up earning only $327,000 in its 1,507-theater opening weekend, setting the record of the worst opening weekend in more than 1,500 theaters, averaging only $217 per theater!
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 21st, 2012
“It’s time to play the music. It’s time to light the lights. It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight…”
What do the following huge stars all have in common: Elton John, George Burns, Peter Sellers, Don Knotts, Bob Hope, John Cleese, Madeline Kahn, and Milton Berle? They all were guests on The Muppet Show. It would be pretty hard to argue that the series didn’t became the in place for A-list entertainers to have a little fun. Like a neighborhood clubhouse, the top stars would come to the show and allow themselves to be often upstaged by Henson’s cute little creatures. They would place themselves in ridiculous situations and often allow themselves to be lampooned and ridiculed, and they always appeared to have a blast while they were doing it. Elton John singing his Kiki Dee duet, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, with Miss Piggy has to be one of television’s most memorable moments. Not only do you have a guest list that would make Saturday Night Live envious, but you have something they never had, namely Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie and Gonzo providing their special brand of Muppet madness.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on March 20th, 2012
After watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, my mind wandered over to Inception of all places. Remember how Ellen Page's character pretty much only existed so other people could explain to her — and, by extension, us in the audience — the rules of the movie's universe and what the hell was happening? Well, watching Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy for the first time felt a lot like what I imagine Inception would look like if Page's novice architect hadn't been in the script: words and items have dual meanings, characters have double (and triple) motivations, and good luck figuring out everything that's going on in this complex world!
The plot, however, is deceptively simple: veteran spy George Smiley (Gary Oldman) is called out of retirement to uncover a Soviet agent in the highest ranks of MI-6, the British intelligence service. (I'll refrain from further discussing the plot so that I don't give anything away, but also because there's a decent chance I haven't comprehended everything that happened. That being said, my second viewing of this movie went considerably smoother than the first.)
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by Archive Authors on March 19th, 2012
Oh, Peter Facinelli, how I hope that this movie that just landed in my lap does NOT feature you with glitter thrown all over your body. This movie is called Loosies, and no not as in loose like Kristen Stewart. I am hoping that the tag line, “Love is not a crime”, does not mean complete suckage, but from the description on the back... I am not hoping for much. I loathe chick flicks, and this reeks of one. But on we go with an open mind and an open beer (Okay, okay, so it's a root beer! Geez!)!
Holy wow! The music that rolls during the menu screen is absolutely awful. This can not be a good sign. Woosa! This is ok with me, Bobby (Peter Facinelli) and Lucy (Jamie Alexander) are in bed. She is passed out after a romp in the hay. Next, we see him walking around a red room. He gets dressed, writes his number on a bunch of pieces of paper and walks out. He's walking around town pick pocketing people. Oh that is a lovely job. Jax (Vincent Gallo) is doing some whacked form of martial arts?
Posted in: Disc Reviews by David Annandale on March 17th, 2012
In the 1930’s, the orphaned Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield) lives in the access tunnels of the Gare Montparnasse in Paris, winding the clocks, making sure that no one knows his guardian uncle has long-since gone AWOL, and filching bits and pieces of mechanisms that will allow him, he hopes, to repair the automaton he keeps in his living quarters. This is his last connection to his deceased father, and his dream is that the repaired machine will grant him a message from the beyond.
But there are obstacles to his quest. Foremost is the tyrannical station inspector (Sacha Baron Cohen), who likes nothing better than rounding up street urchins and packing them off to the orphanage. Hugo also runs afoul of the bitter, disappointed old man (Ben Kingsley) whose toy store has been the source of much of his material. This encounter proves fateful for them both. The old man is none other than Georges Méliès, whose films are the ground zero of all fantasy in cinema, but who has since been forgotten by the industry he helped create. Hugo and Méliès’ granddaughter Isabelle (Chloe Moretz) become allies, determined to give Méliès back the sense of joy and wonder he once gave to so many.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 16th, 2012
Carnage is the (un)true story of two couples who've agreed to meet in a Brooklyn apartment — drink together and have their lives filmed (by Roman Polanski) — to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real. If you had told me that one day I would be relating a Roman Polanski film to the opening credits of MTV's The Real World, I would've told you...yeah, that sounds like something I would do.
Based on God of Carnage by French playwright Yasmina Reza (who also co-wrote the screenplay with Polanski), the film follows Penelope and Michael Longstreet (Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly), who have invited Nancy and Alan Cowan (Kate Winslet and Christoph Waltz) into their home after their sons are involved in a physical altercation. As the two pairs of parents try to agree on a proper course of action, the initially cordial meeting becomes less about their respective sons, and more about their own prejudices, character flaws and childish behavior.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on March 16th, 2012
"When this world was still young, long before man or beast roamed these lands, there was a war in the heavens. Immortals, once thought incapable of death, discovered they had the power to kill one another. Lost in the war was a weapon of unimaginable power: The Epirus Bow."
I know there are a lot of you out there who can’t wait for the huge 300 sequel: 300 The Battle Of Artemisia. You might even have your calendar circled for the Clash Of The Titans remake sequel Wrath Of The Titans, also on the horizon. In case you find that you just can’t wait, director Tarsem Singh has created a weigh-station, of sorts, with his action-packed Immortals. The film takes elements from both franchises and melds them together into something very much like those films, yet unique enough to warrant some of your attention. The result is a film that is absolutely uneven in places, but entertaining enough to be worth a look.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Michael Durr on March 16th, 2012
Sometimes you just know. As a movie reviewer, I always strive for an open mind. I work for the idea that even if the cover screams snorefest or if the movie has a star I can absolutely not stand, perhaps just perhaps there is a nugget of cinema goodness underneath. Then I received Tooth Fairy 2 on Blu-Ray. After I screamed at the heaven’s above and drank myself into a deep coma, I decided that an open mind was a terrible thing to waste.
We open up to the Boardwalk Bowl and apparently they run a weekly contest where some lucky guy or gal could bowl for the chance to win a new Camaro. Here at a bowling alley, I was expecting a Ford F150, but I digress. Larry Guthrie (played by Larry the Cable Guy) ogles the car but his girlfriend Brooke (played by Erin Beute) reminds him of her niece’s birthday party. BTW, for those scoring at home, Larry has played Larry quite a few times in his acting life.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by M. W. Phillips on March 14th, 2012
“You already started reading the evil words, didn't you? Then could you pass me my blood mop? I'm gonna need it later.”
Somehow I was never aware of Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil: The Complete First Season until I received the DVDs to review. Based on the 2003 short film of the same name, Todd & The Book Of Pure Evil debuted on Canada's Space Channel in September of 2010 and was picked up for broadcast in the United States by FearNet, which started showing the series in August of 2011.
