Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on May 19th, 2015
If nothing else, The Pyramid has an intriguing premise. A father-daughter archaeologist team discovers an unusual, three-sided pyramid buried 600 feet underground that might even predate the ancient Egyptians. Essentially, this is Ancient Aliens as a found-footage horror film. Yes…unfortunately, I said “found footage,” a cinematic device that now feels even more decrepit than your garden variety mummy. So while the film’s opening act probably got people like this guy extremely excited, the movie falls apart the deeper the characters descend into the titular pyramid.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on May 8th, 2015
“Too much time alone, you get stuck up in your head. Your brain becomes a maze.”
The most important thing you need to know about Apparition is that it’s not a horror movie. (The second most important thing you should know is that this is a different film from The Apparition, which is one of the worst movies I’ve seen during my three-year stint writing for this site.) Yes, there’s a haunted house, cranky spirits, and an abnormally high number of jump scares. But at its heart, this low-budget thriller is a drama about dealing with the grief of losing a loved one.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on April 22nd, 2015
“A vigilante is simply somebody who violates the law in order to punish a criminal for what they believe is right, for what they believe is justice.”
It’s easy to understand the appeal of big screen vigilante justice. We’ve all gotten tangled up in red tape, which is why it’s so gratifying to watch somebody tear through it. (And often spray some red elsewhere.) John Doe: Vigilante ends up being as ludicrous as any of the 17 Death Wish movies, but it also goes beyond putting the entire blame on “the system.” There are some interesting ideas at play here, including the notion that there’s a little Vigilante in all of us.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on March 23rd, 2015
The Norwegian oil boom of the early 1980s isn’t the most obvious setting for a thriller, but director Erik Skjoldbjærg manages to squeeze plenty of intrigue out of what seems like a pretty dry subject. Of course, Pioneer could never be described as “dry” in the literal sense since the film follows a group of commercial divers in Norway as they try to establish the country’s first petroleum pipeline 500 meters underwater.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on March 16th, 2015
“2,000 years ago, the Bible prophesied the return of Christ...but only after God inflicts seven years of torment on the world to test the faith of mankind.”
It's not quite seven years long, but this two-part, three-hour TV movie — History's latest foray into original filmmaking — is likely to test the faith (and patience) of anyone who watches it. Revelation: The End of Days is intentionally less glossy than previous network offerings like Bonnie & Clyde and Houdini because it takes a ground-level look at the apocalypse. But in scaling back to achieve that aesthetic, the result is both frustrating and amateurish.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on February 12th, 2015
As far as I’m concerned, a filmmaker has to work pretty hard to screw up a poker game. (And for the record, I feel the same way about cinematic sniper fights and train heists.) It’s an inherently high-stakes situation that is both familiar and unpredictable, and in the hands of the right director a poker game can be either thrilling or funny. At various points, Poker Night manages to be both. But even though I certainly wouldn’t say writer/director Greg Francis screwed up this stylish horror-crime thriller, the movie is flush with flashbacks and subplots that distract from the really good stuff.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 20th, 2015
We can blame thank Liam Neeson — or “Liam Neesons” — for this recent run of action movies about men of a certain age who tear their way through some part of Europe in the name of their missing or dead children. Viktor — a French/Russian production starring Gerard Depardieu and Elizabeth Hurley — is one of these latest Taken take-offs. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the more inert revenge films you’re likely to see.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 15th, 2015
“There are 32 ways to tell a story, but there's only ever one plot...that things are not what they seem.”
Early on in Bad Turn Worse, a character mentions this maxim credited to writer Jim Thompson (“The Grifters”, “The Killer Inside Me”) apropos of almost nothing. It's kind of a clunky, inauthentic interjection, but the message is clear and crafty: directors Simon and Zeke Hawkins know they're not re-inventing the wheel in terms of plot, so where they really hope to grab your attention is in how they present their stylish, well-acted feature film debut.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on November 21st, 2014
Breaking news: anyone who goes to see movie called Into the Storm is probably more interested in “the Storm” than they are in any of the people running away from it. The good news is the film understands this, to an extent, and clocks in at a slender 89 minutes. Of course, the titular Storm doesn’t appear for every one of those 89 minutes. This is very bad news because Into the Storm is populated with characters and storylines that are both forgettable and irritating. It’s basically Twister with somewhat better effects, but much less interesting people.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on November 19th, 2014
Laughing out loud and getting startled out of your wits are two of the most visceral reactions you can have as a moviegoer. For a director to elicit either reaction is challenging enough, which is why I was so delighted to be feeling both during the thrilling, funny finale of Housebound. It’s an even more impressive feat when you consider it was accomplished by a first-time filmmaker working on a shoestring budget.
