Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 28th, 2014
“Stonados...I'll be damned.”
They say if you're going to steal, you should steal from the best. Well, that's the exact opposite of what SyFy has done with the hilariously shameless act of self-cannibalization known as Stonados. Say what you will about Sharknado — and snarky commenters excitedly blew up Twitter shortly after its premiere — but at least that particular slice of premium B-movie cheese was inspired in its lunacy and stupidity. Stonados, on the other hand, is pretty obviously a way for the network to capitalize on the unexpected heat generated this past summer by the perfect shlock storm of Sharknado.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on January 28th, 2014
"One … two… Freddy’s coming for you, three… four… better lock the door, five… six… grab your crucifix, seven… eight better stay up late, nine....ten … Never Sleep Again."
Freddy is one of the more memorable monsters from the slasher era that also brought us the Halloween and Jason films. Freddy might have been born in the mind of Wes Craven, but he grew and developed in the knife-wielding hands of Robert Englund. Granted, not all of these films are equal in quality. The first and third are the best story-wise, while the last might be the most unpredictable and original. The fourth and fifth films are a hoot if you don’t look too carefully for a plot. Look to see how many actors you can find who later went on to bigger and better things. There were quite a few, most notably Johnny Depp.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on January 24th, 2014
In the 1990s, the French action films of Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, Leon: The Professional) and Euro-centric offerings like John Frankenheimer’s Ronin provided a sleeker, more exotic alternative to the outsize, muscle-bound exploits of Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Van Damme. Besides movies with the words “Fast” or “Furious” in their title, American action flicks have mostly moved away from lo-fi, knucklehead thrills and turned to PG-13 heroes in CGI adventures. Meanwhile, European filmmakers have stayed in their stylish, car/foot-chase-loving lane. The result is entertaining yarns like The Prey/La Proie, which stands out thanks to its thuddingly simple action movie pleasures.
“Sure, Franck. You can trust me.”
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on January 22nd, 2014
Location, location, location! The notion that a desirable geographic spot can make a huge difference isn’t exclusive to the world of real estate. Take, for instance, Crossing Lines. At first glance, the show fits comfortably alongside any number of American police procedurals that feature curiously attractive cops and a fresh set of dead bodies each week. It’s a formula that’s worked for decades, so it’s hard to argue for a complete overhaul. The best fans can hope for are clever tweaks to help new shows stand out from the crowded cop show lineup. Crossing Lines accomplishes this by taking all the fake corpses you’ve seen on New York and L.A. streets and scattering them across Europe.
“Like all good stories, this one starts with a beautiful woman. Young, adventurous, full of life…unfortunately, this story also starts with the end of that life.”
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 20th, 2014
- “We at Comedy Bang! Bang! love random humor.”
- “Next to 'offbeat,' it's my favorite.”
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on January 16th, 2014
“They’re gonna laugh at you. They’re all gonna laugh at you.”
The idea of remaking/reimagining/refurbishing a horror classic may have been laughable at one point, but now it’s just business as usual. Then again, I happen to think this is an especially good time to revisit 1976’s Carrie. With all the attention bullying has gotten in the media these last few years, the supernatural story of a high school outsider pushed to her violent breaking point seems particularly timely. I just wish the new movie had more going for it beyond decent timing and a pair of impressive leading ladies.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by J C on January 16th, 2014
“This song of the Man and his Wife is of no place; you might hear it anywhere at any time.”
The aching simplicity of the story in Sunrise is the reason the silent film remains thoroughly watchable almost 90 years after its release. It’s also why the movie will remain thoroughly watchable another 90 years from now. Then again, the reason F.W. Murnau’s 1927 effort goes beyond simply remaining watchable — and enters masterpiece territory — has less to do with what the story is and much more to do with how it’s told.
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Gino Sassani on January 15th, 2014
“It’s been a long time getting from there to here.”
Thirty-five years to be exact. Enterprise is the fourth spinoff from the original 1960’s hopeful series. The Earth is finally ready to send its first starship to explore the vast galaxy. This first starship Enterprise is smaller than the ships we’ve become used to. There are no shields or photon torpedoes. The transporter has only been cleared for inanimate objects. Not that this stands in the way of its occasional “emergency” use. The ship is very much like the cramped spaces of today's submarines. It adds an even greater sense of reality to the show. The crew is composed of Captain Jonathan Archer (Bakula), First Officer and Vulcan High Command liaison, T’Pol (Blalock), Chief Engineer Charles (Trip) Tucker (Trinneer), Tactical Officer Malcolm Reed (Keating), Denobulan Dr. Phlox (Billingsly), Pilot Travis Mayweather (Montgomery) and Linguist/Communications Officer Hoshi Sato (Park).
Posted in: Disc Reviews by Jeremy Butler on January 13th, 2014
“Getting what you want comes with a price.”
Much has changed in the world of Being Human this season. However, let’s recap for a moment just to make sure everyone is on the same page. Sally (Meaghan Rath), after shredding her own spirit to get to limbo so she can rescue Scottie and Nick, has bitten off more than she can chew as she finds herself stranded in limbo with the very people she sent to limbo. Aidan (Sam Witwer), after losing his lover Suren and his failed attempt to assassinate her murderer, the vampire matriarch known as “Mother”, is buried alive for his transgression. As for Josh (Sam Huntington), after deciding to kill his maker Ray before the full moon in order to free him and Nora (Kristen Hager) from the curse inflicted on the both of them, finds himself in a standoff that includes Ray, Nora, and himself.
Posted in: No Huddle Reviews by J C on January 13th, 2014
Within the first few minutes of We Are What We Are, the Parker family suffers an immense loss. The death doesn't exactly come as a shock because the film opens with a series of arresting and foreboding images doused by a torrential rain that fails to wash away the family's worries (or incriminating evidence). This atmospheric, thoroughly creepy horror movie winds up going to a number of grisly places, but, in a lot of ways, it's really just the story of how the reclusive clan deals with that loss.
We Are What We Are is technically a remake of the 2010 Mexican film Somos Lo Que Hay. I say “technically” because the new film — directed stylishly and confidently by Jim Mickle (Stake Land) — is more of a companion piece to the original. The two films share a basic premise about families who experience a sudden death and struggle to carry on their gruesome traditions, but Mickle and writer/actor/frequent collaborator Nick Damici have transplanted the action from inner-city Mexico to upstate New York.
